Let's Skate!

When I was trying to find the poem I wanted to publish with my last entry How light is too light??, I had to go through some of my old journals to find it.  Since I have my journals out of their usual spot, I started reading through one of them tonight.  The specific journal I'm reading through at this moment starts from when I was 9-years-old and in the 4th grade.  Reading it, I came across this entry:

Dear Diary,
When I wrote about when Brett broke his arm at Cal-Skate, I forgot to tell you something.  Can you guess?  Landon** asked me if I wanted to do the couple skate with him.  I said no.  There are a lot of good reasons I said no too.  #1, he was skating with somebody else.  #2, I was too tired at that time.  Got to go Diary.

Again.  Please keep in mind that I was 9 when I wrote this.

Landon was the boy I had the biggest crush on throughout part of my childhood.  (And to let you know who the other character, Brett, is - he is my cousin.)

This may be silly to some, but reading this entry, I had this life revelation…Or whatever you want to call it.

Reading my aged pen scribbles, and even though I told Landon "no" at his request - I can tell how much I truly wanted to skate with Landon.  I can tell what my true desires were not just through this entry, and other previous ones I read before coming to this page, but I can remember how head-over-heals I was for this kid.  (Well, if 9-year-olds wore heals, anyway.)  I remember being nine.

As I read it, I can dissect it in deeper ways other probably can't and won't.  Not only am I the author who penned this important moment in my personal history, but I am the character who lived in the moment.  I know who I am.  I know my tendencies and my bad habits. 

First tendency/bad habit - I told Landon "no".  I wanted to live in the moment and skate with him.  Yet, I denied myself what I wanted in life.  I denied myself a dream coming true.  Sure, he probably only wanted to skate as friends even thought a specific song was dedicated for couples to skate along, but who cares?  He offered.  I wanted.  I said "no".

Not only did I tell him no, but bringing in my other bad habit and tendency - I also made excuses for myself to give him the answer I gave.  I made excuses to deny myself a moment in life that could have been a great memory.  I was tired.  He had been skating with someone else.   Whatever.

Really, I think the boy just made me nervous.  (You know, since I liked him.)

Again - I realize I was only 9 when I wrote this.  Yet, I can't help but wonder how many dreams I've denied myself?  I can't help but wonder what would happen if I said yes more than I said no…What have I missed out on?  I can't help but wonder, why do I let fear turn possible memories into missed opportunities?  And why do I make excuses, and validate doing so??  Why am I sometimes too afraid to live in the moment?

Even when I tell myself I'm not good enough at something.  When I think negative thoughts about things that I love, things that I should be proud of, it damages the possible outcome and possibilities.  When I say, "I'm not skilled enough at photography" or when I think, "I'd really love to attend Gallaudet University - but it's too expensive and hard to get into.  It's too much work and it'll probably never happen."…Every time I tell myself these lies, I am damaging myself.  I am damaging myself worth and my self-esteem.  I start believing negative lies, making it more likely for them to become true.

My photography could use improvement, yes.  But nobody is perfect at any thing.  Not even Ansel Adams is perfect with a camera in his hand.  He may be great, but I bet even he feels like he can improve in areas.  When I start to tell myself I'm not skilled enough, I should do something about it.  Instead of marinating in negativity, I should embrace a challenge.  I should go out with my camera and photograph something beautiful.  Or, I could pick up a photography book and brush up on new or forgotten knowledge.

I do want to go to Gallaudet.  I want to be an interpreter for American Sign Language.  My theory is, what better way is there to learn a language than to immerse myself within the culture where the language is used??  I feel as though if I attended the college, my ASL skill set would improve…but…The idea of going makes me nervous, just like the time when Landon asked me to skate.  That's when I have to remind myself of a few things.

Sure the college is expensive, but nothing is impossible.  That's what a search engine and scholarships are for.  And the school may be harder to get into if you're hearing (as it is a university for the Deaf), and it might be a challenge to go to a college that is in a second language different from your first...but I will never know what the future could hold if I don't try.

Yeah.  I wrote the journal entry with bright, 90's color-changing gel pens before I was in the double digits of age…But that's not really the point.  The point is, as I reread it, I've realized a pattern in my life.  A pattern I sometimes become immune to noticing.  A pattern I can clearly see I have traced throughout the last 13 years of my life throughout different situations.

Here's to pushing fear aside!  To living in the moment!  I owe it to myself to confidently put myself out there.

Let's shake off those nerves and make memories!!  Let's skate with those who ask!  After all…You only live once.

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal


**Name has been changed.

Thankful in 2011

It's easy to be able to dwell on events and things that we're not thankful for in life.  It's easy to focus on negative events and things that have taken place within the last year.  From sicknesses, to death, to more sicknesses - it's easy.

Lately I've actually done pretty well remembering to think everyday of at least one thing I am thankful for or how I was blessed within that set of 24 hours.  It's a habit I want to use for the rest of my life for everyday that I am breathing and am conscious.  Now, considering the fact that it's Thanksgiving week here in America, I feel it's appropriate to take a few minutes to focus on what I am thankful for from this last year here on my blog (with pictures!).

Here we go...(There are a LOT of things I'm thankful for so I know odds are, I won't get to cover them all in this entry.  I think the list would be endless.)

• My Family -  (My parents, sister, brother-in-law, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents...You get the idea.  The whole family.)  Not only am I thankful for the people God has blessed me with to share some of the same DNA, but I am thankful for the tight-knit group that we are together.  We compliment one another really well in many ways.  When hard times do come, we aren't broken apart.  We grow closer together and can trust one another through everything.  Oddly enough - I've always known I was blessed to have such a cool family.  However, I never realize how blessed I am until this year and how unique my family is.  It's crazy that it took me 20 years to figure that out.

• Ashley Elizabeth (My Niece)  -  Not once did we ever get to make eye contact.  She never even took her first breath or created her first cry.  There's a lot of hardship that has come at the mention of her name.  However...There are a lot of blessings that even an unborn child can make or be.  She was a blessing in the time we had with her before she entered the world.  She created happiness, smiles, laughter, and excitement.  And while my time with her was short while she was out of the womb, I am thankful for the chance I had to hold her before completely saying goodbye.

• Rayna -  I'm thankful for all my family, like mentioned above, but I am specifically thankful for Rayna.  She's blessed me in ways she'll never completely know in many much needed times.  She lights up my life...makes me laugh and smile.  Just being with her has helped heal part of my brokenness from the year. Oh, and nap times?  They are the best when cuddled with her!!

• Humor -  I love wit, irony, sarcasm, and I love cheesy.  I love anything that makes me laugh. (Even if it's not always intended to!! Ha!)

• Doctors and the technology they have within the hospital walls.  They have saved many family member's lives this year and also have helped with issues that aren't life-threatening, but still in need of attention.

• Traveling -  I was able to visit many places this year ranging from Nashville, to Japan, to Mexico.  It's neat to see the different cultures, people, and ways people live and do things.  It's a blessing to know people from different parts of the world too.

• Ability -  There are a lot of abilities I have and can go towards and direction.  However, I specifically am referring to the ability of physical ability.  Yeah, yeah, right now I have a bum ankle from injury and surgery...But usually I have a good range of ability so I can go and help people when I travel.  For example: Disaster relief work in Japan.  Building houses when in Mexico.

• My Dog Miss Ruby Ann - Out of all the things I can write about my dog definitely makes the list.  She is the best dog I've ever had.  She makes me smile through her goofy moments, excitement when she sees me, when she follows me around, or just goes to bed with me at night.  She's a cool dog.

• My Dad - I am thankful he is still alive and with us today.

• My camera -  And the ability to capture a few minutes of joy and happiness for a lifetime.

• Pen and paper -  Or, electricity, keyboard, and screen.  Being able to write and tell stories to others through my writings via email, blog, or even just for my own personal records in my private journal.

• Things I Accomplished from my Bucket List - Like riding a jet ski!!

• Friends - local and distant...Old and new.  Friends who are willing and able to call and check on me from time to time.  Friends that make me laugh and smile.  Friends who laugh when I laugh, cry when I cry.  Friends who are uplifting and encouraging.  Friends who say they are praying for me, who do pray for me.  Friends I can be open and honest with while being myself.
• There are some other specific friends I am thankful for...However...When thinking about who to post a picture of for this section, Josh and Alicia were the first to come to mind - and quickly at that (pretty much instantly)!! They fit the description above 100%. When I've cried they embraced me, and they cried. When I laugh, they both laugh - often being a source of laughter. I am thankful for my dear friends!! I am thankful for their friendship, their support, encouragement, and the time we had together in Japan in July. (The list could really go on why I am thankful for them!! But if you read the blog and you read the general list, you get the idea of the type of friends they are (AKA: The awesome kind! Ha!).) While the time in Japan was short and in a crazy crazy time, it was sweet all the same. I love you, guys!!!

• New Experiences and Memories -   Everyday is a new self-building adventure.

• My home - A home with windows, doors, locks, floors, and a roof.  A home with warmth and an AC, a home with a kitchen, electricity, and a bathroom.

• Education - whether it be from life experiences or from a classroom.  Whether I am learning myself or teaching someone else something new (which in itself can be a learning experience while teaching!)

• My Life -  Through it all, I am thankful to be alive.  I am thankful for my experiences, lessons, blessings, stories, family, and friends.  I am thankful for my life.

• Operation Mobilization -  I am thankful to be able to have my upcoming opportunity to go with them to London.  While I haven't gone anywhere with them yet, I am thankful for the chance, the excitement it brings, and the experiences I've had locally while preparing to go.

• Support for OM - The support has been uplifting, encouraging, and at times quite eye opening!!  I still have about $3,300 to go...I still need a lot of prayers...But the support that has been shown in both areas has been amazing...and I thank God and you for that!

• God - I'm thankful for all that He is and all He has done in my life.  He is my Comforter, Healer, Shepherd, Light, Purpose for Being, Father, Encourager, Provider, and SO much MORE.  He is my EVERYTHING.

• Prayer - Being able to pray...Praying for others...Knowing that I'm being prayed for!  Even by those that speak with a different language!

• Creativity - My creativity, other people's creativity.  Creativity for photography, writing, scrapbooking, etc, etc, etc!

• For 2011 - It was a bittersweet year.  While there was a lot of "bitter" and bad/hard times, there was a LOT of sweetness to my year as well.  A lot of trips, laughter, time with family and friends, encouragement, prayers, excitement, and more.  The year of 2011 was a hard year...but also a good year.

This is just a summary of things and people I am thankful for...I don't know the kind of year you've had.  You may of had a GREAT year, or a terrible year.  While I don't know the type of year you've had, but what I do know is - even in the worst of years there are blessings.  There are things and people to be thankful for.  What are YOU thankful for this year?  Feel free to leave a comment!  I'd love to hear from you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Travelin' Chick,

Crystal

Beauty in Alaska

These are some of my favorite photos I took in Alaska. Actually, they are some of my all time favorite pictures that I have ever taken. While they are far from being perfect - I absolutely love them. Often I get stuck in a routine and enjoy the safety of my comfort zone. To take these specific photos I stepped out of my comfort zone in my photography life and tried something new. I'm so glad I did. Had I not, I would have missed a wonderful opportunity to challenge myself and grow. I also wouldn't have these pictures to look back at and enjoy.

What new thing have you tried lately?

The Travelin' Chick,

Crystal

Wait...What city is this?

I've gotten to the point (already!) of asking myself, "Wait...What city am I in??" Usually this happens if I'm sitting somewhere alone, such as an airport. Within the last two weeks I've slept on 4 different beds, been to 8 different cities (not counting different towns/cities I've been driving in while in TN), 4 states, and 2 countries. By the time summer is over I probably will hit sleeping on 20 different beds, 4 countries, 8 or so states, and countless cities. It'll be a fun thing to count up sometime in September.

Since my last post a LOT has happened. Let me start from Friday, the 20th of May.

Friday came along and I had last minute packing to do for my trips. It would be my last day home for about a month. Mom, dad, and I were leaving on a jet plane for Seattle at 7 p.m. with some of our family. The next day our cruise ship would leave the port and set sail in the world's beautiful Alaskan waters!

...Or so we thought.

Before we knew it, dad was being hospitalized AGAIN for the second time within just a few short months. We had no idea on what was going on or what exactly was wrong. We just knew something was up with his blood tests that caused his admittance into the hospital. From that moment life got even more stressful then the usual travel stress. Mom was canceling her and dad's plane tickets and cruise passes. We were trying to decide if I should go, or if I should stay. The doctor's said it should be okay should I go on this cruise, mom insisted I should go, and my aunt Felicia was telling me I really needed a vacation.

Inside I was torn. Sitting on a hospital bench just outside the doors I found myself breaking down unable to control the tears. Stress from the week was finally catching up to me (I had finals, projects, lost a dog, was trying to pack...you get the idea). I desperately wanted to go, but at the same time, "what if" something did happen? Who would help mom with things around the house that week? I also didn't think it was fair for me to go while my parents stayed behind in "Sunny California". However, we also realized that my plane ticket left from Seattle right after the end of the cruise to go onto Nashville. Not only would we need to cancel a plane ticket and cruise for me, but we'd have to figure out a new route for me to arrive in music city.

After talking it over with mom for about an hour, I came to a couple of conclusions:

#1. Figuring out all my travel plans by canceling and rerouting would add to our stress.

#2. I can't live in the "what if" state of mind.

#3. If something did happen, I could catch a plane from Alaska to head home as soon as possible.

#4. There really wasn't much I could do by being home except sit there and wait.

#5. We'll just do an Alaska Cruise: Take Two! next year, which is already in the making.

From those realizations, thoughts and with the encouragement to go, I decided that I would still hop on the 7 p.m. flight out of my hometown to rainy Seattle.

The cruise was amazing. The views were spectacular. I've never seen anything quite like Alaska. We saw whales, glaciers, icebergs, eagles...The list goes on and on! I made some new friends from many different locations around the world. My new friends were from Australia, New York, North Carolina, Memphis, Brazil, and Arizona. There were also over 1,000 cruisers from Asia. They would ask my aunt if they could take a picture of her and my baby cousin in group shots. They love American babies!

In Juneau I was able to participate in a land and sea photo safari. Four whales showed up around our little boat as I snapped away with my camera. We saw seals, sea lions, fish, and birds. While we saw no bears, we did see a bear cave and bear poop...Both of which I took pictures of, since I didn't get to see the actual animal. At the end of the excursion our tour guide (ironically named Cam...Get it?? It was a photography land and sea safari excursion led by a guy with the name of Cam...) took us to a glacier. If you've ever seen the Grand Canyon, you know the feeling of awe that it gives and the moment when it takes your breath away. At the glacier I had the same feeling, but even stronger! It was beautiful.

Of course, at the glacier I saw a really cool picture idea. If you know me you know I sometimes put myself in interesting situations, giving myself interesting stories to tell...Walking to the spot I needed to go, I stepped in some previously walked across mud not thinking anything of it. Switching camera lenses, I took one step on the mud and...WHAM! Next thing I knew, I was not only stepping in it, but being covered in it as well!

No worries...My camera and both lenses were okay! Oh, and I was too. Needless to say...I did not get the picture I was aiming to get during my meeting with the mud. (The whole area was mud, and I just decided it was wiser not to continue on...This time!) However, I still got some neat shots.

I'm glad that I chose to go on the cruise. I do believe I made the right choice. I was able to get some relaxation I needed, a short change of scenery, new friends, and lots of laughter. Not to mention really good food (by the end, I needed a vacation from food!), lots of pictures, learned some new things about photography and Alaska, created memories, and ended up with stories to tell.

Throughout the cruise mom updated me on dad's condition. A lot of the blood tests turned out to be false positives. We did learn something new about a previous condition he has had for a while that has changed a bit and that we needed to know about. He was in the hospital for almost the full week and some family friends of ours helped my mom out during this time.

For the last week I have now been in Nashville. I've been visiting with friends, house hoping, injured myself with a tape measurer (how in the world does a person do that??), been attacked by the nasty cicadas, driving around town with my country music flowing through the car's speakers. I've been having a good time. Today I'll even get to ride a jet ski and drive one as well, which is something that I will be able to officially be able to kick off my bucket list!

Tuesday morning my sister, brother-in-law, and grandpa and I will journey on to our next adventure: Driving across the USA.

The Travelin' Chick,

Crystal

PS: I also did have my picture taken for my OM prayer card! Yeah!!

Second Year of College? Done.

My second year of college is officially over. In my mind it is currently a huge relief that I made it out alive from this last semester. In my mind I am also amazed at how time seemed to fly by, as this makes it one whole year since I left Nashville. (Well, FWBBC anyway...I didn't leave Nashville until June.)

When seasons end I enjoy looking back at memories that were made and the cool things that happened or that I got to participate in. Usually I do this with school years and summer vacations. (You know you're a college student when...Life is organized around two seasons. School - and Summer.)

This list won't be crazy long as usually the long one is at the end of the summer time, but here is some of the main things that happened or that I tried...Oh - and this may be out of order.

1. I transfered to Fresno City College from FWBBC. Not an easy thing to do. To be honest, it was rough, especially in the beginning. After a year has gone by I do see what God was trying to do in my life this year. Maybe I don't see all that God has done yet or the full purpose of bringing me back. I do, however, see some of the beauty in the complex puzzle of life.
2. My baby cousin was born. Until this sweet little kid came along, I was the baby in the family.
3. Until Spring break I had never changed a diaper before in my life. (Look at #2)
4. I had a job in a photography studio.
5. I found out I'm going to be an AUNT! Yeaaa!
6. My dad got super sick and almost died as he spent about 2 weeks in the hospital...(Seriously. He basically had one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.) I'm so blessed to still have my dad with me today.
7. I took photography classes as well as a class for photoshop.
8. The College and Career class started working with our high schoolers/junior highers at church.
9. Through this semester I've learned how much I LOVE working with the teens. (check out previous number) Before this year, I had no idea. I'm praying that God will guide me in my future to work with the youth, whether I become a Youth Pastor's wife, work at a camp, children's home, work with Truth and Peace or E-TEAM, etc. The possibilities are endless. Regardless of wherever I end up in my life, I know I want to be involved in someway with the youth!
10. After being away for a year and then returning I realized how beautiful California truly is.
11. With the college and career class at church we helped plan a mission trip to Mexico for this upcoming June. We're all super pumped for this trip!!
12. I did NOT injure myself ONCE! YEAHHH! Talk about a record and something to be proud of! ;-)
13. During the semester I found out about Operation Mobilization. I dug for more information and learned a lot about the organization. Now I have been accepted to go with them in January of 2012 to go for about 4 months to London and 10 days in Germany.
14. In January I went to Nashville!
15. We lost our little dog Harley. This was within the last couple of days. I have hope and faith that he'll come home and that we'll find him!
16. With the amazing women in my family we all went and saw Wicked together. We took a limo and ate at the Tokyo Steakhouse in Clovis. What a night!!

That's about it...I think...Those are the big moments I can remember off the top of my head anway..."What now?" you ask? Here is a brief look at my upcoming summer plans:

May 20 (AKA: Tomorrow): Leave for Seattle

May 21-28: Alaskan Cruise!

May 28: Leave for Nashville straight from Seattle!

June 7 (I think): Start Road Trip from Nashville, TN, to Fresno, CA.

June 11 (Or EARLY June 12! Who knows how this will go...): Get home

June 12 (yes, the 12th!): Leave for Mexico!! (We're building a house, doing women and children's ministries!)

June 18: Get home...again.

July 1-13: I'll possibly be in a group headed to Japan to help with disaster relief!!

From there I'll be home...that is until...

July 31: Leave from Camp (I am the camp counselor for our church's teen girls again this year! YEA!!)

August 5: Go home...Once more...

There might be some traveling with my aunt as she goes out of town for work in all of that too. There should also be fundraising for London.

I am ready for an exciting summer and I hope you are ready to buckle your seat belts to come along! Check out my blog often. Who knows what will happen and what will come my way! While I've done a lot of things in my life time I haven't done a lot of what is considered "normal things". That being said, maybe I'll even visit a taco truck sometime while I'm in my hometown. (Yes, Bryan, that was for you!)

Put your reading glasses on and travel the world through my blog.

The Travelin' Chick,

Crystal

PS: For my friends who actually read the blog - I wonder how many pictures my camera will take this summer? Take a guess, and whomever guesses right or the closest to the right amount might get something cool from the adventures…