Even when She doesn't Like Donuts

This picture is from last year, December of 2013, taken
after my ankle surgery.  This is a knee caddy.

(If you saw my recently blog entry, Casts: Just Another Canvas Full of Potential, you know that I've recently reinjured my right ankle.  For the last few weeks I have had limited mobility as I hop along with my new, blue, beautifully decorated accessory on my leg - a cast.)

"Crystal, come with me to my room so we can play!!", Rayna exclaimed cheerfully on Christmas day.   Gliding down the hallways of her house on my fancy, better-than-crutches, knee caddy with my blue cast resting upon the leather seat, I followed my excited 4-year-old little cousin who was ready to play with her newly opened Christmas toys.

Once arriving to her princess/Mickey Mouse themed room she instantly sat on the floor and started to play with her new Lincoln Logs.  I stood there casually, on my one good leg watching her, as I talked with another family member in the room.  And then I ate it.

Before I realized what was happening, my still-bent right knee with my casted leg abruptly hit the (thankfully) carpeted ground.  Confused as to how I could fall while standing perfectly still (I mean, I know I'm accident prone...but even that was a weird one for me!), I looked at my knee caddy and instantly knew there was no way I'd be getting back on it.  There was no way, as the seat was tilted and broken off the base of the scooter.

For the rest of Christmas day, I went back and forth from the living room to Rayna's room by the use of my crutches...All while Rayna continuously asked me throughout our time together, "Crystal, why do you have so many owies?"

She even imitates my passion for
taking silly face pictures.

Today, nearly one week after Christmas, my grandmother sent me a video of my 4-year-old cousin pretending to walk on crutches.  With the help of a child's upside-down broom stick and the support of my grandfather, she dangled her right leg in the air - keeping it from touching the ground.  (I've included the video at the end of the entry, after receiving her mother's permission to post it.)

Replying to my grandmother's text, I asked her what inspired the moment of the video.  She told me, "I think it's 'who' and not what.  Maybe you??"

It was a humorous video to watch, and I had a good laugh...but it was also a good reminder of how observant children are and that they are constantly trying to imitate the actions of those that they look up to.

Rayna is in a BIG Crystal phase right now.  She's always asking when she can see me again and telling all her friends that she loves family dinners because, "I get to see Crystal!" During Christmas dinner she even made a lengthy toast filled with her thankful heart, ending it with, "...I'm just so thankful for this great big universe, but most of all I am thankful forrrrrr CRRRYYYSSTAAALLLL!!"

A few weeks ago my my mother and I went to see Rayna and her parents - Krispy Kreme donuts in hand.  (Which are a valuable delicacy for my city since we don't have a Kripsy Kreme locally.)  Ignoring the donuts, Rayna pulled me towards her parents bed and had me read her one of her favorite books.  At some point I told her, "Hey - there are donuts in the living room...Do you want a donut?  I love donuts.  They are one of my favorite treats."

As we sat to eat our donuts, once back in the living room, Rayna exclaimed, "I just LOVE donuts!"  Her mom, my aunt Felicia, looked at me and said, "Um...What?  No she doesn't.  She doesn't like donuts - she never has.  I think your little cousin is trying to impress you."

I think it's safe to say that she's currently my biggest fan.  Or, at least, one of them.  And she's watching me.  She's eagerly and dilligently listening to my words and to the things I say. She's trying to figure out how to be like me, trying to impress me when she copies my actions and says the things that I say - even when she doesn't like donuts.

As a new year begins I know that many people are reflecting from their year in 2014.  They are setting their New Year's Resolutions. People are striving to find new ways to live a better life in the coming days - and that's great!

As we get ready for our new year by reflecting how we spent the last 12 months and as we plan how to spend the next year, let's not forget the influence we have on others.

Maybe you don't have a 4-year-old cousin watching your every move who begs you to read the classics of The Poky Little Puppy every time you go to her house.  But
maybe you have a 12-year-old nephew, an 18-year-old granddaughter, little sister/brother, or you hold a leadership position in a church or school.

In the middle of our reflection and attempts to have a better new year let's ask ourselves,  "Am I living the kind of life I want my ______ (cousin, child, sibling...insert name here.) to imitate??  Am I choosing actions that I want them to choose?  Am I living a life I want them to live?"...Because their little eyes are watching, their ears are listening, their minds are memorizing, and their actions are copying.  They're ready to tell you that they love donuts, even when they never have...just to impress you.

The children in your life, whether they be your own or not, are looking up to you for guidance.  Even if you don't think you are - you are a role model.  You are someone else's inspiration.  You represent what someone wants to become.

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

Extraordinary Lessons from an Extraordinary Language

For nearly half my life, I was certain that I was meant to go and live overseas full-time. Since I was about 13-years-old, it has always been my dream to travel abroad, pencil, paper, and camera in hand.  I wanted to capture what's going on around the world - stuff that the general media doesn't necessarily focus on.  I wanted to travel and share the tell stories of those around the world, and to tell of what God is doing with His people.  I’ve spent the last 9 years preparing myself for this journey. I’ve travelled, lived overseas, read books, lived overseas, and studied about mission work, journalism, and anthropology. 

Little did I know…That dream would later be molded to look a little different.

The city of where I live has many cultures within its borders. We are a huge melting pot, a huge tossed salad. I have American, Hmong, Mexican, Chinese, British, and French natives as neighbors. Yet, when I thought about working with other cultures, these local culture diversities never came to my mind as a group to work with.

It wasn’t until I started to learn about ASL, Deaf Culture, and the Deaf community, that I started to feel passionate about working with a local culture different from my own…A culture within my culture. A cultural group I’ve somehow unintentionally overlooked for most of my life.

Growing up, I had been slightly aware that there were Deaf people. The TV show 7th Heaven had a character by the name of Heather in their show. My sister started learning ASL in her late teen years and often signed in front of me, and we had a lady in church who use to use ASL as a ministry in our church.  My high school teacher also taught ASL and had an occasional Deaf student come to meet her while I was still at school.

It wasn’t until I took an ASL class  myself that I really started to see ASL - and the Deaf community. In the past I acknowledged that the language was there, but I really didn’t put much thought into what I was seeing. I was young and had yet to fully be educated on the topic.

ASL is a beautiful language and is greatly valued by the respectable and brilliant Deaf community.

I accidently fell in love with ASL. Before taking my first ASL class, I was journalism major…And now I’m not. (And I know that change shocked many people who have known me nearly all my life, including myself.)  Now I hope to become skilled enough in the language to become an interpreter. This has been a wonderful, unexpected journey that I’m glad I’ve been on for the last two years.

While learning about the wonderful culture and language, I’ve also learned a lot of other life lessons while learning this language.

Lessons I’ve learned while learning my second language, ASL:

1. My goal is to become an interpreter and I’ve learned that I really need to protect my ears. I now pay extra attention to how loud I listen to my music…In a sense, my ears are no longer just a part of my body allowing me to hear different sounds and conversations. My ears are a part of my future career. My ears are now a bridge for communication for others. They are no longer my own, as my career choice will allow me to help hearing people connect with those who are Deaf. (Although, I have to admit, I still have fun jamming sessions while driving down the road with friends on occasion.)

2. I’m a perfectionist, never wanting to make an error. But…Life is full of mistakes, just like the process of learning a second language. I’ve learned that it’s okay to mess up. It’s okay to make an error. It’s okay to make language bloopers! If I mess up while trying to sign something, it’s okay to acknowledge them, have a good laugh, and to learn from them. For example - last semester I was trying to tell my ASL teacher, Nancy, that I was feeding my aunt’s cat while she was away in Hawaii. Instead, the way I signed it came across completely different than I intended. Nancy’s face when from a shock and horrified expression, causing me to wonder, “Oh no…What did I just say??” Turns out, I told her I was eating my aunt’s cat…not feeding it!! (It’s amazing how one direction and movement of a sign can change the whole meaning! Oops!) While I felt slightly embarrassed, Nancy and I just sat in her office laughing about it and months later it’ll still be brought up as a joke. The error caused a good laugh, but more importantly? I took my mistake as a great learning experience and am now very aware of how to sign that I am feeding an animal, or person, without saying I am eating them.

3. Learning ASL has taught me to focus. It has taught me to focus on the person I’m in front of, to fully dedicate myself to the moment I am with my Deaf friends or in my ASL classes. Instead of pulling out my phone to check for text messages, I am intentional and I focus. For example…Let’s say that I’m with a group of Deaf friends. If I pull out my phone to check for messages and I take the time to respond, I’ve probably just missed a good chunk of what my friends are trying to tell me. Learning ASL has taught me to put my phone – and any other distractions – away. It has taught me to prioritize the moment I’m in and the person I am with.

4. I’ve learned to ASK questions!! Although I have a good background of ASL classes, I am not fluent. I’ve learned that if I don’t understand something – I need to ask for my friends and teachers to repeat what they’ve signed. If I don’t catch their fingerspelling, I need to ask them to repeat it and to slow down. If I don’t understand a sign, I need to ask for the sign’s definition. Learning that it is okay to ask questions has made a big impact in my life. I’ve noticed that this new habit even transfers to my other classes, like math. I’m no longer timid or shy on asking for assistance in understanding things.

Every now and then, my brain does kind of space out. For example…The other week I was talking with one of my teachers between classes. She was telling me that her pool was having problems as something was broken, and that it would cost her ‘X’ amount of dollars to do. I caught all of what she was saying – except the fingerspelling of what was broken. (Although I’ve seen improvement in my reading of fingerspelling, I still need to do a lot of work on improving my skillset even more.) Before I knew it, my teacher was asking me, “Did you understand what I just said?” The thing is, I did understand most of it…but not all of it. I asked her to repeat what she had told me, and she basically told me, “That’s why I thought. I know you well now – you get a look when you’re not understanding what I’m saying.”

It’s not that I intentionally wasn’t telling her I didn’t understand all that she signed to me. That’s not it at all. I want to understand what my teachers and friends are telling me. It’s not fair to my friend and/or teachers if I pretend like I know what their saying if I’m sitting their completely lost…and it’s not fair to myself either. The more ASL classes I’ve taken, the more I’ve gotten comfortable asking questions. Sometimes though, like the other day, my brain just goes into, “Oh man! I didn’t catch the fingerspelling”, mode…In turn, making my brain go into processing mode, trying to process what I just saw, just like this example from earlier in this semester. (Sometimes I don’t even realize that I have no idea what someone just told me until the conversation is over and I’ve already walked away. Can you say “spaz moment”??)

After my teacher repeated what she told me, I realized I did catch all that she told me and understood everything…everything but the fingerspelling of the word “pump”. Her pool pump is the cause of her pool problems.

The more I interact with those who are Deaf, the more I am trying to become aware of my signing and processing habits, and the ones I need to keep – or break.

5. Number four basically plays into number five. Learning ASL has taught me that I shouldn’t assume what someone is telling me. If I’m not sure, I need to ask questions. I need to seek clarity.

6. Learning ASL has taught me about worship. Again, I’m not fluent - yet. I’m not yet an interpreter. However, when Sunday morning comes along and I find myself sitting in a church pew as the worship team leads the congregation into a song, I often find myself thinking instead of singing. I don’t know a lot interpreting music, but I do know you have to understand the meaning to have the ability to interpret what is being said, or what is being sung.

During our worship time at church, I find myself sitting in the back pew trying to figure out how I would sign different lyrics. I find myself thinking, “What does this song mean?? Do I really understand what I am – and what I have been – singing? Or am I just singing along out of habit?” It’s taught me to pay attention to the words being spoken around me, or the words in a song. It’s taught me to see the true depth and meaning of worship songs, and it’s taught me that I sometimes don’t understand as much as I thought – even if I have been singing a song all my life. (Which still plays into number four…It has taught me to ask questions, and not just with people who I sign with, but with written words and spoken!)

7. Other students are just…students. Just. Like. Me.  (Whether I'm in ASL classes, math, or English.)

Sometimes I allow myself to get intimidated by others and how superior their signing skills seem to be compared to my own. Yet, this year especially, I’ve been reminded that we are all just students.  They don't have all the answers and neither do I.  My classmates have their strong spots, but so do I, and I shouldn't knock myself down because I have yet to learn something.  We all start somewhere, and we each have our own journey.

8. I’m never going to stop learning. I mean, I already knew this. But as I continue in my ASL classes, headed towards my interpreting career goal, I am reminded of this almost daily…and I’m okay with this fact.

9. I can make all the life plans you want, but I need to stay flexible.

I was planning to live overseas.  I was planning to be a journalist.  I really thought that's what God was guiding me to do.  While I do feel as though I will continue to go overseas to do short-term mission trips, for now I feel like my place is right here at home in America.  God still has me around another culture, I just didn't expect Him to place me in one so close to the comfort zone of my own front door.  Maybe God will guide me overseas later on in my life…but maybe not.  Either way - I'm staying open to the idea, I'm staying flexible.

10. Step out of your comfort zone!

I'm reminded to do this when I travel.  But when you travel, you often expect to step out of your comfort zone - and doing so is practically impossible to avoid.  Learning ASL has helped me step out of my comfort zone within my own country's borders…within my own city.  Giving a presentation in front of a class, using language different from my mother tongue?  Going to events where I have yet to know anyone else who is attending, and who speaks a language that you are only just beginning to learn??  Those are only two examples (out of many) of how learning ASL has been teaching me to step out of my comfort zone - and I'm glad that learning another language reminds me to do this on a constant basis.

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These are just some of the lessons I've learned throughout the last two years and I know I'm bound to learn a lot more.  

When I signed up to take my ASL 1 class, I never expected this journey.  I thought, "I'll take ASL 1 and 2 for my language requirements and that's it."  Little did I know that I'd be sticking around for a lot longer (as in a life commitment), and that taking ASL 1 would guide me through a new and extraordinary door.

Are you learning another language? What lessons have you learned through your journey??

The Travelin’ Chick,
Crystal

Learning Lessons

Since I've left home I have learned a lot.  I think it's quite impossible to travel, live overseas, and to live with many people from different cultures and to not learn anything.  I've learned not only about other cultures, but also about myself, God, and general life things.  What are some of the lessons I have learned thus this far??

About Other Cultures
I learn something new about other cultures, countries, and states daily.  Korea, Switzerland, and Germany are some that I learn a lot about, as those are the countries where my housemates are from.  Obviously I am also learning a lot about England, as this is where we are all living. There are many other cultures represented in our groups but those are just to name a few.  We learn about customs, languages, traditions, and cultures of the countries.  Some of the things that I've learned have either been told to me verbally or I've just picked up on some customs with my senses of hearing and vision, as I interact with my new friends.

To Laugh

Leaving home and our hard year of 2011 I have learned to laugh again.  This might sound silly to some.  But when you have one hardship after another, you sometimes just forget to laugh.  I mean, I laughed when my baby cousin did something silly or at a funny line in a movie.  However, it was a different kind of laugh in comparison to the one that I am referring to.

I remember a point when I was in Germany and I was laughing.  Not only was I laughing, but I was laughing hard.  In the midst of the humor and laughter, I had tears come to my eyes as I realized, "I don't know the last time I've laughed like this.  I forgot to remember to truly laugh."  

It's been said many times around our flat, "I love your laugh!"  Thinking my laugh was no different than anyone else's I was confused.  No one has ever told that I have a great laugh.  Curiously I asked, "Why do you love my laugh??  It's just an average laugh - or so I thought."  Answering me my friends told me, "Your laugh comes from your heart.  It's a real and true laugh."  This is something I had never been told before.

Ecclesiastes 3:4 comes to my mind as I realize that this is a season of laughter for me.  I mean, don't get me wrong, being in London and living here has had both it's up and downs - but in it's ups and downs has been many moments of laughter.  True, deep, side aching, tear inducing, pure laughter.  (Luke 6:21 was also a verse I recently read.  I was weeping, now I am laughing.  Yes, I still mourn during some moments or days as mourning is not a stage but a process…but there is MUCH laughter in my days, over powering the moments of tears.)

I love grass.  I love trees.  Pretty much?  I love nature.

London is a city.  One, very big, historical, beautiful, city.  The only time you see trees and grass is if it's in a park.  While the parks are gorgeous, I've realized that I miss trees and grass being naturally placed around me.  I'm not a big nature girl but it has hit me that I am living in a very big cement city.  This has made me realize my likings of grass, trees, flowers, and nature.  It's something that I think I've taken for granted.

Who I am...My identity...

This truly could have a blog posting all on it's own.  I’ll save what I have to say about this one for a later date.

I Speak with a terrible British Accent

My British friend recently challenged me to speaking with a British accent.  I had mentioned one day that I had dreamt all night long with a British accent.  From that, he told me, "Ok.  On February 22nd I expect you to speak a total of 20 words and two sentences with a British accent."  A couple of days later I challenge him back, "I'll do the British accent if you do the American accent."  We had a deal.

A couple of weeks later, on the 22nd of February, I had him do his American accent (Which I had to bribe him in the end with trying an American candy, Butterfingers.).  I then did the British accent.  This was the conversation that followed:

"How did I do?" - Me


"Better than the first time." - My Friend


"Did I do the accent for you in a previous attempt?" - Me

"No..." - My Friend

"Thanks for trying to make me feel better anyway." - Me

Soooo...At least I tried?? ;-)

To Speak Slowly

Living with an international group that does not speak English as their first language, you learn to take your time as you speak.  I never realized how fast I sometimes talk.  Since leaving home my speech has slowed down and I have learned how to explain words and phrases when I am not quite understood.  My friends are learning English, and to an extent so I am I.  (Learning to focus on the meaning of the things that I say, why I say things, etc, etc…)

To Cook

At home I LOVE LOVE LOVE to bake.  Cooking?  Not so much.  I've not had much expierience with cooking.  

Here in London we all have to take our turns to cook.  I'd say I cook once about every 10 days.  (There are eight of us in the flat, and we schedule people to cook during the week days.  The weekends are completely up to us.)  I've only cooked twice, but the girls have survived so far!

Not only am I learning to cook, but I am learning to cook with what I have.  Working on a budget different than my parents, and living in a culture that is not of my own, we have different resources.  There are some dishes I know how to make at home.  To make them here, I would have to be more creative in the creation of these dishes.

To Tell My Story, My Testimony

Most of the people that I work with here in London don't know my story.  There are a few who do know my story, but again, that number is few.  

The other day we had a class to learn how to tell our testimony well for certain situations.  During the class we were to write out testimony/story out, and then to get into groups to share what we had written.  This way we could help one another tell our stories better and to tweak it a bit if need be.  One of my closer friends here in England that I met while in Germany told me, "Crystal, you know, I've never actually heard your testimony before.  I am intrigued."  He knew that I had a rough year in 2011, as it was mentioned in passing, but I hadn't really had the proper opportunity to share my story - especially since it's not the happy-go-lucky, put a smile on your face, type of story.

Before coming to Europe I never had to tell my story.  Or, at least, the portion of 2011.  Even Facebook and my blog haven’t “heard” the complete version of my story.  However, when traveling, people often ask, “What is your story?  What has brought you here?”  

On my blog and through Facebook I’ve been able to summarize portions of my story, one chapter at a time, as I was living through the difficult year.  Now I am being asked to share my story in a summarized version.

I love to tell and write stories.  For some odd reason, though, my own story is a story I struggle to write and to tell.  I know that this portion of my life is an important part of who I am and my testimony, yet I struggle to find the right words and way to describe my story.  God brought my family through a lot.  And while we are not in the middle of an emergency, I still feel as though God is showing me things from last year and that I am still mourning some things time to time, and am definitely still healing.

While I struggle to figure out a good way to tell my story, I do know that my story can be a powerful one.  The first time I told my story in Germany, I made a girl cry.  I mean, my own story made me cry while in the middle of it, and I even cried while telling my flat mates a summary (which, for me, crying around others is a rarity, and I hadn't ever cried before while telling story…but again, I guess this has to do with the fact that I am still healing...and ever since the first time that I cried while telling my story, I've had to suppress my tears from falling when telling my story.), but I never realized the impact it could make to another person until she had tears flowing out of her eyes.  Since then, my story has brought tears to at least two other people.  It's interesting how when I feel like I am terrible at telling my own story, God still uses it to move other people.

I know my story is a powerful one.  It is my goal to use it and to learn how to tell it well.  It is my goal to be more willing  and open to share my story, pain and all, and to even be vulnerable.  My story is an emotional one and I need to learn that it's okay to shed a tear or two when telling it.  It still affects me, and it's okay to let people know that with a drop of a tear.

To Heal

Being in London I am keeping busy working and doing many things.  Although I’ve come to work, I’ve found that leaving home and the situations behind me has become a great way to heal.  Community with others, leaving things behind me, laughter, time with God, worship…It’s all playing a part.  My views on certain things have been refreshed and I am seeing some things from different and clearer perspectives.   I’m still healing, but since leaving home I finally feel as though healing is occurring.  (Different people, surroundings, and fewer reminders are around me of the deaths and illnesses.)

Being here there have been ways I've seen how some healing has taken place.  For example?  Today I held a 7 week old baby.  This baby is less than 10 pounds, probably closer to 7 pounds.  This is the first baby I've held since holding my 14 ounce niece, Ashley, in July.  Honestly...I thought it would be a hard thing to do, to hold a living, breathing, precious baby once again...Knowing the last baby my arms held was my deceased niece.  I've been here for about 6 weeks and it's taken me these six weeks to muster up the energy to hold him.  Don't get me wrong - I've wanted to hold him, but mentally, emotionally, I just couldn't yet.  Today was a good day emotionally.  His mother asked me (as she was going to go get herself some tea), "Do you  want (to hold) a baby?"  Instantly, to my surprise, I said, "Sure!", realizing it was a really good day for me.  

There have been some days I definitely couldn't of said "sure!"  There are some days in the future I am sure I won't want to hold a tiny little baby, but for this being my first time since holding Ashley, I think I did well.  I wasn't sure if I'd cry or how I would react.  Shockingly, I didn't cry.  I was just in awe, soaking it all in.  For the most part it felt really good to hold him.  It just put me in awe to have this little baby in my arms.  It put me in awe of how much my niece did look like a baby, just much smaller (and developing).  God's creation of a tiny little child...That put me in awe.

To Live in the Present

I don’t want to live in the past.  I don’t want to completely dream about the future.  I don’t want to mentally live back home in California, living off of homesickness. I want to live now, in this moment, in this place.  I want to focus on the present, my current location, the tasks and people in front of me.  If we don’t live and focus on the present, we’ll miss out on a lot.

I Enjoy Games
I've always liked to play games (board games and card games).  However, I've not really spent much time playing games in the last few years.  Recently I've rediscovered the enjoyment of playing games with others.  My list of games I'd like to own has been growing since I've left home!  I'm learning a lot of games, but am also fascinated that you can have five different people from five different countries playing a game that is familiar to all five of us from different countries and cultures.

To Pray
Don't get me wrong: I prayed before I came here.  I prayed during my application process, choosing my location to go to, etc, etc.  I prayed for other things as well before coming.  For family, friends, and prayers of thanksgiving and praise.  However, since being here my prayer life has grown and is stronger.

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Those are just some of the topics that I am currently learning about.  Some are topics I’ve learned, some that I am still in the process of learning.

The Travelin’ Chick,

Crystal