A Staring Contest

I have been in Germany for nearly three weeks now.  (Monday evening makes it three weeks exactly!)  I've been adapting to my new surroundings, jet lag, a new language, people, and new schedule.  It has been a bit more exhausting than what I had expected and I apologize for not blogging about my time here sooner.

This last week was a good week for me.  However, I will say, the week before was very difficult, emotionally, physically, and mentally.  For those of you who read my Facebook status update a week ago, I wrote about having a hard day.  For those of you who didn't get a chance to read it, I wrote, "After being here for nearly two weeks, I finally had the 'Ah-Ha!' moment of, 'Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.' It was a very overwhelming, and exhausting day for me...And to be honest, it was really hard. Here's to hoping that tomorrow is an easier day."

Why was that day so hard for me?  Well, here in Germany, I am an Au Pair...Also known as an overseas nanny.  My job is to help with the children, but also to help teach the children I nanny English.  My job is to speak English all day, everyday, that I am with the children...Which makes it hard to learn German, the first language of the people here.

The day I wrote that status update was the first time I was really "thrown" into German culture.  It was one of my first moments of culture shock.  In the morning, we went to a meeting of young moms and their children, so their children can play together while the moms talk.  When we arrived, I was told that the women there know English.  (But, of course, it's still not their first language and in the small town where we live, there is almost no need to speak English.)  We talked for about five minutes in English.  The rest of the time we spent together was in German.

Coming to Germany, I really only knew one or two words.  Now I know at least 20-25 words...Progress!  But, while that is progress, it's not really enough to follow conversation.  If the conversation is about an airplane (Flugzeug in German...Sounding kind of like "fluke-zoy-k"), I at least know that the topic or that an airplane was involved in the discussion, but that's about it.  I also know the word for "no", which is "nein" - which sounds like the English word "nine".  Knowing the word "no" in German comes in handy with the children, and for knowing when people are answering questions.

We were with the group for a little more than two hours.  Occasionally I would get a summarized version of what was being said, but not the full conversation.  Only hearing a summary of the conversations every 20-30 minutes makes it difficult to partake in the discussion.

After meeting the group from the church, we had lunch plans.  The lady I live with (Anna), her children (Daniel and Markus), and I were going to eat at her in-laws house (her husband, Friedrich, was working).  When we got to the house of her in-laws, I was asked if I spoke either Russian or German.  When Anna told them I only know English, I saw the disappointment spread across the lady's face.

During the lunch, there was some translation, but most of the conversation I missed because of my lack of knowledge with German.  We were there for 2-3 hours.

All of the people I met were really kind and nice, and lunch was delicious.  However, by the end of the day, I was exhausted.  Spending about five hours around the German language was hard for me.

Not knowing what was going on and not being able to communicate made me feel lost and confused.  And even more than that?  It made me feel extremely lonely.  I was excited about the possibility of meeting new people and making new friends.  At home, I usually make new friends with ease.  Making a new friend isn't usually a struggle for me. But at home, there is a common language: English.  For the first time in my life, I've found it to be a challenge to make new friends due to my lack of ability to communicate.

Before coming to Germany, I spent time in Nashville.  I was able to meet with my friends, Josh and Alicia.  They are dear friends of mine and they are missionaries to Japan.  While in Nashville, I was able to connect with them at the Free Will Baptist International Mission office.  This was an unexpected visit, but a VERY welcomed one!  It was a really great surprise for my trip.

When Josh and Alicia were sharing about their time in Japan, they shared about their ministry, relationships, joys, and struggles.  They also shared about language school and how exhausting they found it to be...leaving their brains stretched and worn out, and their desire to just stare at a wall due to their low energy level. 

The day when I was around Germany for about five hours, at one point I caught myself staring at a wall. Feeling a bit lost and confused as German was being spoken all around me...and not understanding a thing, I was extremely overwhelmed. Then, when I realized I was staring at a wall in the middle of it all... I started chuckling to myself...but only in my head - I didn't want to look like "that crazy Crazy, Californian, American who stares at a wall while laughing"...It also made me smile, as I thought of my dear friends and their adventures and my time spent with them.

Knowing about Josh and Alicia's time learning Japanese, I instantly knew (because of their stories) that staring at a wall is a normal event to take place when adapting to a new culture and language.  When I told Alicia about my staring contest with a wall, she told me that it was a sign that my brain was just taking a break.

So, for those wondering why my day was so rough - that is a summary about some of the events that took place.

...Now...Back to my staring contest with a wall...

The Traveling Chick,

Crystal

Learning Lessons

Since I've left home I have learned a lot.  I think it's quite impossible to travel, live overseas, and to live with many people from different cultures and to not learn anything.  I've learned not only about other cultures, but also about myself, God, and general life things.  What are some of the lessons I have learned thus this far??

About Other Cultures
I learn something new about other cultures, countries, and states daily.  Korea, Switzerland, and Germany are some that I learn a lot about, as those are the countries where my housemates are from.  Obviously I am also learning a lot about England, as this is where we are all living. There are many other cultures represented in our groups but those are just to name a few.  We learn about customs, languages, traditions, and cultures of the countries.  Some of the things that I've learned have either been told to me verbally or I've just picked up on some customs with my senses of hearing and vision, as I interact with my new friends.

To Laugh

Leaving home and our hard year of 2011 I have learned to laugh again.  This might sound silly to some.  But when you have one hardship after another, you sometimes just forget to laugh.  I mean, I laughed when my baby cousin did something silly or at a funny line in a movie.  However, it was a different kind of laugh in comparison to the one that I am referring to.

I remember a point when I was in Germany and I was laughing.  Not only was I laughing, but I was laughing hard.  In the midst of the humor and laughter, I had tears come to my eyes as I realized, "I don't know the last time I've laughed like this.  I forgot to remember to truly laugh."  

It's been said many times around our flat, "I love your laugh!"  Thinking my laugh was no different than anyone else's I was confused.  No one has ever told that I have a great laugh.  Curiously I asked, "Why do you love my laugh??  It's just an average laugh - or so I thought."  Answering me my friends told me, "Your laugh comes from your heart.  It's a real and true laugh."  This is something I had never been told before.

Ecclesiastes 3:4 comes to my mind as I realize that this is a season of laughter for me.  I mean, don't get me wrong, being in London and living here has had both it's up and downs - but in it's ups and downs has been many moments of laughter.  True, deep, side aching, tear inducing, pure laughter.  (Luke 6:21 was also a verse I recently read.  I was weeping, now I am laughing.  Yes, I still mourn during some moments or days as mourning is not a stage but a process…but there is MUCH laughter in my days, over powering the moments of tears.)

I love grass.  I love trees.  Pretty much?  I love nature.

London is a city.  One, very big, historical, beautiful, city.  The only time you see trees and grass is if it's in a park.  While the parks are gorgeous, I've realized that I miss trees and grass being naturally placed around me.  I'm not a big nature girl but it has hit me that I am living in a very big cement city.  This has made me realize my likings of grass, trees, flowers, and nature.  It's something that I think I've taken for granted.

Who I am...My identity...

This truly could have a blog posting all on it's own.  I’ll save what I have to say about this one for a later date.

I Speak with a terrible British Accent

My British friend recently challenged me to speaking with a British accent.  I had mentioned one day that I had dreamt all night long with a British accent.  From that, he told me, "Ok.  On February 22nd I expect you to speak a total of 20 words and two sentences with a British accent."  A couple of days later I challenge him back, "I'll do the British accent if you do the American accent."  We had a deal.

A couple of weeks later, on the 22nd of February, I had him do his American accent (Which I had to bribe him in the end with trying an American candy, Butterfingers.).  I then did the British accent.  This was the conversation that followed:

"How did I do?" - Me


"Better than the first time." - My Friend


"Did I do the accent for you in a previous attempt?" - Me

"No..." - My Friend

"Thanks for trying to make me feel better anyway." - Me

Soooo...At least I tried?? ;-)

To Speak Slowly

Living with an international group that does not speak English as their first language, you learn to take your time as you speak.  I never realized how fast I sometimes talk.  Since leaving home my speech has slowed down and I have learned how to explain words and phrases when I am not quite understood.  My friends are learning English, and to an extent so I am I.  (Learning to focus on the meaning of the things that I say, why I say things, etc, etc…)

To Cook

At home I LOVE LOVE LOVE to bake.  Cooking?  Not so much.  I've not had much expierience with cooking.  

Here in London we all have to take our turns to cook.  I'd say I cook once about every 10 days.  (There are eight of us in the flat, and we schedule people to cook during the week days.  The weekends are completely up to us.)  I've only cooked twice, but the girls have survived so far!

Not only am I learning to cook, but I am learning to cook with what I have.  Working on a budget different than my parents, and living in a culture that is not of my own, we have different resources.  There are some dishes I know how to make at home.  To make them here, I would have to be more creative in the creation of these dishes.

To Tell My Story, My Testimony

Most of the people that I work with here in London don't know my story.  There are a few who do know my story, but again, that number is few.  

The other day we had a class to learn how to tell our testimony well for certain situations.  During the class we were to write out testimony/story out, and then to get into groups to share what we had written.  This way we could help one another tell our stories better and to tweak it a bit if need be.  One of my closer friends here in England that I met while in Germany told me, "Crystal, you know, I've never actually heard your testimony before.  I am intrigued."  He knew that I had a rough year in 2011, as it was mentioned in passing, but I hadn't really had the proper opportunity to share my story - especially since it's not the happy-go-lucky, put a smile on your face, type of story.

Before coming to Europe I never had to tell my story.  Or, at least, the portion of 2011.  Even Facebook and my blog haven’t “heard” the complete version of my story.  However, when traveling, people often ask, “What is your story?  What has brought you here?”  

On my blog and through Facebook I’ve been able to summarize portions of my story, one chapter at a time, as I was living through the difficult year.  Now I am being asked to share my story in a summarized version.

I love to tell and write stories.  For some odd reason, though, my own story is a story I struggle to write and to tell.  I know that this portion of my life is an important part of who I am and my testimony, yet I struggle to find the right words and way to describe my story.  God brought my family through a lot.  And while we are not in the middle of an emergency, I still feel as though God is showing me things from last year and that I am still mourning some things time to time, and am definitely still healing.

While I struggle to figure out a good way to tell my story, I do know that my story can be a powerful one.  The first time I told my story in Germany, I made a girl cry.  I mean, my own story made me cry while in the middle of it, and I even cried while telling my flat mates a summary (which, for me, crying around others is a rarity, and I hadn't ever cried before while telling story…but again, I guess this has to do with the fact that I am still healing...and ever since the first time that I cried while telling my story, I've had to suppress my tears from falling when telling my story.), but I never realized the impact it could make to another person until she had tears flowing out of her eyes.  Since then, my story has brought tears to at least two other people.  It's interesting how when I feel like I am terrible at telling my own story, God still uses it to move other people.

I know my story is a powerful one.  It is my goal to use it and to learn how to tell it well.  It is my goal to be more willing  and open to share my story, pain and all, and to even be vulnerable.  My story is an emotional one and I need to learn that it's okay to shed a tear or two when telling it.  It still affects me, and it's okay to let people know that with a drop of a tear.

To Heal

Being in London I am keeping busy working and doing many things.  Although I’ve come to work, I’ve found that leaving home and the situations behind me has become a great way to heal.  Community with others, leaving things behind me, laughter, time with God, worship…It’s all playing a part.  My views on certain things have been refreshed and I am seeing some things from different and clearer perspectives.   I’m still healing, but since leaving home I finally feel as though healing is occurring.  (Different people, surroundings, and fewer reminders are around me of the deaths and illnesses.)

Being here there have been ways I've seen how some healing has taken place.  For example?  Today I held a 7 week old baby.  This baby is less than 10 pounds, probably closer to 7 pounds.  This is the first baby I've held since holding my 14 ounce niece, Ashley, in July.  Honestly...I thought it would be a hard thing to do, to hold a living, breathing, precious baby once again...Knowing the last baby my arms held was my deceased niece.  I've been here for about 6 weeks and it's taken me these six weeks to muster up the energy to hold him.  Don't get me wrong - I've wanted to hold him, but mentally, emotionally, I just couldn't yet.  Today was a good day emotionally.  His mother asked me (as she was going to go get herself some tea), "Do you  want (to hold) a baby?"  Instantly, to my surprise, I said, "Sure!", realizing it was a really good day for me.  

There have been some days I definitely couldn't of said "sure!"  There are some days in the future I am sure I won't want to hold a tiny little baby, but for this being my first time since holding Ashley, I think I did well.  I wasn't sure if I'd cry or how I would react.  Shockingly, I didn't cry.  I was just in awe, soaking it all in.  For the most part it felt really good to hold him.  It just put me in awe to have this little baby in my arms.  It put me in awe of how much my niece did look like a baby, just much smaller (and developing).  God's creation of a tiny little child...That put me in awe.

To Live in the Present

I don’t want to live in the past.  I don’t want to completely dream about the future.  I don’t want to mentally live back home in California, living off of homesickness. I want to live now, in this moment, in this place.  I want to focus on the present, my current location, the tasks and people in front of me.  If we don’t live and focus on the present, we’ll miss out on a lot.

I Enjoy Games
I've always liked to play games (board games and card games).  However, I've not really spent much time playing games in the last few years.  Recently I've rediscovered the enjoyment of playing games with others.  My list of games I'd like to own has been growing since I've left home!  I'm learning a lot of games, but am also fascinated that you can have five different people from five different countries playing a game that is familiar to all five of us from different countries and cultures.

To Pray
Don't get me wrong: I prayed before I came here.  I prayed during my application process, choosing my location to go to, etc, etc.  I prayed for other things as well before coming.  For family, friends, and prayers of thanksgiving and praise.  However, since being here my prayer life has grown and is stronger.

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Those are just some of the topics that I am currently learning about.  Some are topics I’ve learned, some that I am still in the process of learning.

The Travelin’ Chick,

Crystal

Life in London

What is life like in London, you wonder?  Let me fill you in on what my life here looks like by schedule.

I've been in London for three weeks as of tonight.  Wait...Three weeks?  Where has the time gone??  Earlier today I was writing an email to a friend who I met in Germany.  I realized I hadn't seen her since the day before arriving here.  It amazes me how fast time has flown.  If I've been here three weeks, that means I left home a little over a month ago!

The first two weeks here in London we had two weeks of Orientation.  During these two weeks we looked over a manual of things to expect, what we'd be doing while here, rules, helpful information, etc, etc.  We had a whole two hours spent on fire safety information as well as a whole day dedicated for child protection.

 I knew some of the people I'd be working along side with, but not many before arriving here in London.  During these first two weeks I really had a chance to get to know many others much better.  I also realized that I never knew what the word "cold" meant until moving here.  (I'm a Valley girl from California, what can I say?)  My first week and a half here I literally LIVED in my jumper (hoodie/jacket). I slept with it on (some nights I even slept with my gloves on), I walked around the flat with it on, I went to orientation with it on.  Now I am going some without wearing it.  I'm either adapting to the colder weather and buildings, or it's warming up a bit.  That, or, it's a combination.  (I will say that it did snow TWICE within a week during this time!  What a nice surprise!  It has now snowed three times since I've left home!)

Within the first two weeks I also tried to pay for a bus with some Pounds AND Euros.  Oops.  Talk about awkward!

This week we started our normal week.  Sadly, I missed most of it being sick in bed.  Monday some of us spent time out in the streets of London meeting locals and passing out free literature.  Tuesday I worked on my internship with the communications department.  Wednesday and Thursday I was suppose to be in a classroom to learn about other cultures and religions, but Tuesday night is when I started to get really ill.  Friday was my day off this week, and today (Saturday) I was suppose to go out to pass out more literature with our group.  (Usually Saturdays are our days off, but this week it was flip-flopped as that will occasionally happen.)

Pretty much...That's what my week will look like:

• Monday: Spend time in the streets of London, meeting locals, passing out literature.
• Tuesday: Internship (which, can sometimes change with Mondays)
• Wednesday: Classes
• Thursday: Classes
• Friday: Same as Monday
• Saturday: My Usual Day off
• Sunday: Church

(There is other stuff to my schedule, but those are just during the regular day hours from morning until 5:30...each night is also different.)

Being sick has really bummed me out.  I was slightly getting homesick before I actually physically got sick.  But being around other people, keeping busy, working...My homesickness would come in rare waves but would quickly leave.  However, once I was sick?  After two days of being really sick, it hit and it hit hard!  I started to miss home and the comforts that it brings to my life.  I missed my own bed, my own room, my dog, usual foods, and of course, my mother!

The night my homesickness was the worst my flat-mates came upstairs with a box in hand.  My mom had sent me a package - and with PERFECT timing!

Opening the box I found items such as:

• Gloves
• Scarf
• A spice I love to cook with!
• Butterfingers
• Reese's
• Goldfish
• Jolly Ranchers
• Converter/Adapter (Did I mention here on my blog that my last one died in Germany due to a hair dryer?  Yeah, the hair dryer is no longer living as well...Oops!)

There were also a few other things included, but those are to just name a few!  I was so thankful when it came in the mail.  While it didn't take my homesickness completely away it certainly made me smile!  Even when my mom is many miles away, she still has a way of making me feel better!  It was a reminder of how blessed I am to have such a supportive family back home.

Thinking about what to write next, I've realized that the topics and stories could take up a whole blog entry of their own.  Since I don't want this specific entry to end up too terribly long, I'll end this one here.  Who knows, maybe I'll post more then one tonight...or at least start a second entry!

Thanks for tagging along the journey and for the prayers thus this far!

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

PS: While I have been really sick, I am starting to feel MUCH better!  Tomorrow I plan on going out for the first time since Monday.  Hopefully my body will feel it's 100% tomorrow morning!

Wherever, Whenever!

If you know me, you know I love to travel. You know I enjoy seeing new cultures, tasting new flavors, and smelling new smells. To me it's not just seeing a new culture but experiencing it as well. It's about getting to know the people - regardless of our possible language barriers.

This blog will hopefully help me tell you about what's going on in my life, and more then just a Facebook status update's worth. My friend once wrote me an email titled, "Where is Waldo? I mean, where is Crystal?" This will hopefully also help other's know where I'm located at the current moment since we all know I move around a lot! (Is that an understatement??)

In the Spring of 2012 I'll be taking a new journey. I will be going to Germany for 10 days and London for 4 months, traveling with Operation Mobilization. While I'm there I'll be doing street ministries while taking pictures and writing about the experiences for OM. I've done a lot of traveling and have been on a few mission trips. Usually, however, they have only lasted a few weeks - not a few months.

I'm excited about this new opportunity. I have a lot of fundraising to do, but I know God will provide. Please pray for me as this journey continues on during the fundraising, time there, and the time of return to my home in California. As excited as I am, let me be honest. I am nervous. While I am nervous, it's a good kind of nervous. It's like the nervousness I felt when I found out I'd be going to FWBBC.

This experience will be different then any other that I've had in the past. I hope you all join me as I start down this road whether it be through reading this blog, checking out my pictures, praying, or financially supporting me. This is an exciting time for me and I would love to have you apart of whatever God brings my way.

As I start to prepare for London I think of the future. I can't help but wonder at times, "I wonder what God has for my future." I don't know what He has planned. I don't know if it includes being a full-time overseas missionary, or being a missionary here in my local community in California while taking the occasional short-term trip overseas. Maybe he'll just have me move to another state. I don't know if it will one day include being a wife and a mother. I don't know what type of job He'll one day bless me with. I don't know what stories God will give me to tell, or the people He'll have me one day cross paths with.

Basically: I don't know where God will lead. I don't know what is in store for my life. What I do know is that God loves me and He's going to guide me with every step. What I do know: Where He leads, I will follow...Whenever, wherever!! Life will have it's ups and downs and God will never let me go. God has created me to be who I am. He knows my gifts, talents, passion, weaknesses, and strengths. Knowing who I am as a person as a whole, He's going to use those talents and gifts and help me strengthen where I am weak.

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

As I end my first blog entry, I hope you hop on this ride and become a continuos reader. This is going to be an exciting ride to be on. Thank you for your prayers and support!

Crystal - The Travelin' Chick