They Easily Forget

Today I was driving home when I had a surprising visit with the car that was stopped next to me at a red light. (I say surprising, but in reality, I shouldn't be surprised one bit after a lifetime filled of these "surprising" interactions.)

As I was waiting at the red light, to my left I saw a couple and their child in their car staring at me. Thirty seconds later, I quickly made another glance out of the corner of my eye. They were all still staring.

I've been sick since Thursday night and today I really lacked the patience to deal with this kind of thing. Usually I'll stare back and smile - you know - to try and smoother others and their rudeness in kindness, "winning" in the end...But not today.

Today was a different story, as I eventually made full eye contact with the staring eyes. The wife quickly looked away, yet the husband still stared. I held eye contact for at least a minute, the guy's eyes not budging. (Seriously...This was probably the longest red light of my life.)

He stared. I stared back.

Normally my staring back in response usually does the trick to break other people's stares. But not this time.

I could pretend that I was kind in return to his rudeness, but then I'd be lying. I'd be lying to you by pretending to be a person who always responds in the correct and proper way, the kind way. I'd be lying to you by pretending to have all the right answers, all the right responses. But I don't have all the right answers. I don't always have the right responses.

As we had our staring contest, I made my hands motion to him the question, "What??" as I gave him a look with my facial expression saying, "Dude - what is your problem?? What are you staring at??"

Instead of looking away, he imitated my exact same facial expression and body movement - without breaking eye contact. A few seconds later I tried again, but his response was the same. (Think he would have done the same had I made funny faces at him instead?? Next time I'll have to give that option a shot!) It wasn't until I put my hand over my cheek, hiding my birthmark, hiding myself, that made him look away.

I was infuriated. Comments can sometimes be hurtful, but I think I find staring to be worse - at least at this stage in my life. (A hint for any guy who wants to potentially woe me...staring at my sparkling beauty is not the way to go! ;-) ) And although I acknowledge the hurt and frustration, I also have to make sure I don't allow people like this man define who I am and to try and take these situations with a grain of salt.

A part of me wonders if it is socially acceptable to say that I sometimes mentally high-five people in the face. Like I did today. (Even my thought process isn't always the greatest, or the most kind either.)

Although I've had a lifetime filled with these experiences and should probably expect them, I'm always surprised and in awe when they take place. I guess I always hope that the hearts of strangers will be kind and tender to others - not wanting to live 24/7 with my heart and mind constantly on-guard because of what people may say or do, just because of my appearance.

As I sit back and think about today's experience, I realized something...Something I've never really thought about before.

I think that people, like today's staring man, forget. They forget that they just as easily could have been me. The odds of them being born with a port-wine-stain birthmark covering half their cheek were as equal as my own. Although they were born "normal" - their "normalcy" could easily be taken away by one quick and simple, unforeseen accident. They forget, that if they were me, that they wouldn't want to be treated in the same way in which they have treated me.

People forget that their future child or grandchild could be just like me...Forgetting that they are the role model for their toddler, their child, sitting in the backseat of their car in the moment they are currently in.

They forget that one day, I may be a teacher to their child, a tutor, a friend, a mentor. They forget I may be someone who might make a much needed difference in their life, or a difference in this world.

People often forget I am a person...just like them.

Before you stare at others, or make fun of someone because they are somehow "different" in anyway, please remember...Remember that they are someone's child, sibling, and grandchild. They are someone's friend, mentor, hero. They are a person with talent, memories, experiences, and stories...with feelings, unseen scars, and unseen joys.

We are more than the surface of our skin, more than the differences that you instantly perceive by a quick glance or two minute staring contest.

Please...Don't forget.

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal


PS: On the bright side, I'm working on a couple of book ideas right now and the experience I had today gave me some good ideas to work with! It quite possibly helped me break through my writer's block. Yay for ideas!

A Staring Contest

I have been in Germany for nearly three weeks now.  (Monday evening makes it three weeks exactly!)  I've been adapting to my new surroundings, jet lag, a new language, people, and new schedule.  It has been a bit more exhausting than what I had expected and I apologize for not blogging about my time here sooner.

This last week was a good week for me.  However, I will say, the week before was very difficult, emotionally, physically, and mentally.  For those of you who read my Facebook status update a week ago, I wrote about having a hard day.  For those of you who didn't get a chance to read it, I wrote, "After being here for nearly two weeks, I finally had the 'Ah-Ha!' moment of, 'Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.' It was a very overwhelming, and exhausting day for me...And to be honest, it was really hard. Here's to hoping that tomorrow is an easier day."

Why was that day so hard for me?  Well, here in Germany, I am an Au Pair...Also known as an overseas nanny.  My job is to help with the children, but also to help teach the children I nanny English.  My job is to speak English all day, everyday, that I am with the children...Which makes it hard to learn German, the first language of the people here.

The day I wrote that status update was the first time I was really "thrown" into German culture.  It was one of my first moments of culture shock.  In the morning, we went to a meeting of young moms and their children, so their children can play together while the moms talk.  When we arrived, I was told that the women there know English.  (But, of course, it's still not their first language and in the small town where we live, there is almost no need to speak English.)  We talked for about five minutes in English.  The rest of the time we spent together was in German.

Coming to Germany, I really only knew one or two words.  Now I know at least 20-25 words...Progress!  But, while that is progress, it's not really enough to follow conversation.  If the conversation is about an airplane (Flugzeug in German...Sounding kind of like "fluke-zoy-k"), I at least know that the topic or that an airplane was involved in the discussion, but that's about it.  I also know the word for "no", which is "nein" - which sounds like the English word "nine".  Knowing the word "no" in German comes in handy with the children, and for knowing when people are answering questions.

We were with the group for a little more than two hours.  Occasionally I would get a summarized version of what was being said, but not the full conversation.  Only hearing a summary of the conversations every 20-30 minutes makes it difficult to partake in the discussion.

After meeting the group from the church, we had lunch plans.  The lady I live with (Anna), her children (Daniel and Markus), and I were going to eat at her in-laws house (her husband, Friedrich, was working).  When we got to the house of her in-laws, I was asked if I spoke either Russian or German.  When Anna told them I only know English, I saw the disappointment spread across the lady's face.

During the lunch, there was some translation, but most of the conversation I missed because of my lack of knowledge with German.  We were there for 2-3 hours.

All of the people I met were really kind and nice, and lunch was delicious.  However, by the end of the day, I was exhausted.  Spending about five hours around the German language was hard for me.

Not knowing what was going on and not being able to communicate made me feel lost and confused.  And even more than that?  It made me feel extremely lonely.  I was excited about the possibility of meeting new people and making new friends.  At home, I usually make new friends with ease.  Making a new friend isn't usually a struggle for me. But at home, there is a common language: English.  For the first time in my life, I've found it to be a challenge to make new friends due to my lack of ability to communicate.

Before coming to Germany, I spent time in Nashville.  I was able to meet with my friends, Josh and Alicia.  They are dear friends of mine and they are missionaries to Japan.  While in Nashville, I was able to connect with them at the Free Will Baptist International Mission office.  This was an unexpected visit, but a VERY welcomed one!  It was a really great surprise for my trip.

When Josh and Alicia were sharing about their time in Japan, they shared about their ministry, relationships, joys, and struggles.  They also shared about language school and how exhausting they found it to be...leaving their brains stretched and worn out, and their desire to just stare at a wall due to their low energy level. 

The day when I was around Germany for about five hours, at one point I caught myself staring at a wall. Feeling a bit lost and confused as German was being spoken all around me...and not understanding a thing, I was extremely overwhelmed. Then, when I realized I was staring at a wall in the middle of it all... I started chuckling to myself...but only in my head - I didn't want to look like "that crazy Crazy, Californian, American who stares at a wall while laughing"...It also made me smile, as I thought of my dear friends and their adventures and my time spent with them.

Knowing about Josh and Alicia's time learning Japanese, I instantly knew (because of their stories) that staring at a wall is a normal event to take place when adapting to a new culture and language.  When I told Alicia about my staring contest with a wall, she told me that it was a sign that my brain was just taking a break.

So, for those wondering why my day was so rough - that is a summary about some of the events that took place.

...Now...Back to my staring contest with a wall...

The Traveling Chick,

Crystal