Amethyst

Right after my most recent treatment (left) and about
5 days after the treatment (right).  Both without makeup.

About a week ago I had another laser treatment. My treatment was on a Monday, but usually I have them on Fridays. When I have my treatment on Fridays, I get to hang around the house resting and healing. I strongly dislike, with a passion, leaving the house after a treatment. My face is swollen, sore, and looks a mess. Not to mention being tired afterwards.

Having the treatment on a Monday, I knew I couldn't hang around the house. I had work and school the next day. Truthfully, one of the other main reasons I don't like leaving the house: my treatments always magnify the amount of staring and insensitive comments, remarks, and questions that people forget to filter before their words leave their mouths.  (But please note that I am okay with how I look before my treatments.  I'm use to my normal birthmark color.  I only struggle after the treatments.  To give you an example of one of my after-treatment example experiences...After my last treatment, a guy cursed at the looks of my face by exclaiming, "HOLY POOP**!!"  And no, I'm not kidding…I know I look a mess, and not that great afterwards, but really??)

All that being said, I asked for prayer on my FB page. I wanted prayer for the patiences I needed to "deal" with the insensitive looks and comments. Prayer for kindness when I responded, and prayer for the ability to have the right attitude so I would have the ability to see the humor in any/all situations that took place.

My week ended up being great! Fantastic, actually. I found all sorts of ways to be happy and thankful…Thankful for different friends who encouraged me in many different ways. Thankful to have the ability to teach others, ranging from the kids at my work who had a million questions (some silly, some serious) to my neighbor next door who demonstrated yet, another, broken filter. I was - and am - thankful for teachers who ask me how I'm doing and who understood when I just didn't feel well enough to attend class, and parents who picked me up early from school because I didn't feel like I could sit through my last class. Really, this list of thankful moments could go on and on…But I am incredibly thankful for being able to find the small and big things I am thankful for and the positive things, verses the negative possibilities.

The other day I was able to see my friend Denise and she told me that she had a story idea in mind for me. She wanted to post it on my FB, knowing I'd get a kick out of it (as I can often find a lot of humor in having my birthmark), but wasn't sure how others on my friend list would take it. After telling me a summary of the story, I insisted that she must post the whole thing to my wall. It is brilliant, and I love it. It made me laugh - a lot. (Another thing to be thankful for!!) I asked her if I could share it here on my blog, and she told me that I could.

Here is the story (written by Denise Nicholes):

Okay...I'm pretty sure you are a super hero! You see...I grew up watching The Incredible Hulk (that's right...I'm old)...okay...well...He was a normal guy right!?! Yes yes he was...however he had a slight issue when he got mad: you know, he bulked up, turned green, became super strong (but of course had to control his temper). A couple of decades later (maybe even 3 decades) a young lady was born...normal gal right?!? Well...kind of normal...she's silly and doesn't like to wear shoes but that's okay. (back to the story). So Crystal the Super Hero was born. You see...Wonder Woman had a lasso, Bionic Woman had bionic ears, legs and arms, Superman could fly, Spiderman could climb walls...and Crystal can withstand high levels of pain when LASERS are shot at her! Crystal remains sweet until too many broken filters are coming at her...then her non-super hero friends want to help...but NO...Crystal's got this! You see...people can ask questions about her super powers (oh by the way, her powers come from the Purple Spot)...but if your filter is broken and you ask a dumb question she becomes a little Hulk-like...I'll give you an example: "Hey Crystal, what happened to your face? Were you in a car accident?" (Crystal response) "Ummmmmm NO, God gave me 'Purple Powers' and if you're seeing spots on my face right now, you should run because purple venom is about to shoot out at you...which could kill you...it depends on your level of stupidity". (okay...she wouldn't say that...but she should totally try it just once! How awesome would that be!) Stay tuned for more super hero stories LOL...If anyone has any super hero power ideas...lay it on her...she loves it...really...she does!


She even came up with - and did research for - a name for my double-life superhero character:

You shall be called AMETHYST (gem of fire) since it's a purple crystal: Purple Amethyst has been highly esteemed throughout the ages for its stunning beauty and legendary powers to stimulate, and soothe, the mind and emotions. It is a semi-precious stone in today’s classifications, but to the ancients it was a “Gem of Fire,” a Precious Stone worth, at times in history, as much as a Diamond. It carries the energy of fire and passion, creativity and spirituality, yet bears the logic of temperance and sobriety. I LIKE IT!

Later she wrote me a text and said:

"You know the other part of the story is when you ask Amethyst about the purple powers in a polite way, flowers will shoot out.  Can you picture the cartoon in my head?? ;-)"

What do you think of Denise's story?? (Personally, I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!…Oh hey, did I mention that I LOVE it?  This is probably one of the sweetest/coolest things a friend as done for me.)  Do any of ya'll have any fun story ideas?

No matter what people say to me after a treatment, no matter how long they stare, or how low they lower their jaws in shock of my face's appearance - it doesn't matter.  I am a superhero, and I have the strength to get through it!

Thanks, Denise!

The Travelin' Chick, 

Crystal  (AKA: Amethyst!)

**I like to keep my blog a friendly, safe, and clean place for others to visit.  That being said, no, "poop" wasn't the actual word he used…but you get the idea.

Thankful

I know there is a trend taking place on Facebook with people posting on thing they are thankful for each day in the month of November.  While I think that is a great thing to do, I decided to just put all 30 things/people in list together for my blog.

I'm thankful for…

• My parents.  They are fantastic.  But if you read my blog entry, "A Home to Return to", there will be listed many reasons as to why my parents are so great!

• My dog, Miss Ruby Ann.  I've had her since I was about 15-years-old, and she really is a bright spot in my life.  

• College…I'm thankful for college!  The other day, someone asked me, "How are your classes going?"  I told him, "Fantastic!"  Because he knows me so well, he looked at me surprised asking, "Are you being sarcastic right now?"  I had to insist that I wasn't.  This is the first semester I've actually fully enjoyed.  I love all my classes - and it feels REALLY good to say that.  It feels good to say that I want to go to class everyday.  

• My two ASL Teachers, Nancy and Cindy.  I'm thankful to have the chance to get to know Cindy this semester.  It is my first semester in Cindy's class, but I am already looking forward to next semester with her as well!  I've had Nancy for three semesters now, next semester totaling in four semesters.  Both teachers have a fantastic sense of humor, are passionate about what they teach, and they geniunely care about their students.  Really, I can go on and on as to why I am thankful for both of my teachers as they have both had a huge impact in my life!!…But one of the biggest reasons I find myself to be thankful for them?  I am thankful to have two teachers who not only care about how their students are doing on their school work, but how they/we are doing in life overall.  I am thankful to have teachers who not only invest into my life inside the classroom, but also outside the classroom on a personal level.  It's such a rarity to have teachers like that at the college where I attend, and I am thankful to know them and have the ability to learn from them.

• Rayna, my 3-year-old cousin.  Really, I can't imagine my life without her.  I love her personality, her funny jokes or made up words, and I love the contagious sound of her laughter.  It has been a joy to watch her grow into such an intelligent and entertaining child.

• The ability to learn.  I'm glad I can continue learning - whether I am learning textbook information, learning about other people, or about myself.  I'm thankful that learning doesn't stop after high school or college.  I'm thankful that learning is a lifelong journey.

• My Nashville mom, Lynette.  She is a blessing.  Words can't even begin to describe how thankful I am to know her and to have her in my life.  We've had so many conversations filled with laughter, prayer, and encouragement.  It is hard to believe we've only known each other for about four years.

• Humor and laughter.

• Having friends around the world.  Sometimes having friends who live around the world can be a little hard as there are friends I often miss - a lot!  But, I am thankful to have such a diverse friend list and the ability to know each friend.  Even when I miss a friend who lives in Japan, London, or somewhere across America...when their name comes to my mind, a smile always spreads across my face.

• Encouragement.  I'm thankful for the encouragement that friends and family have brought to my life, and I'm thankful for oppuritinity to encourage others.  Whether it be in person, through a phone conversation, a letter, Skype, or even through Facebook…Whether it be through a compliment, prayer, through a joke, a smile, or just saying "hello"…I am thankful for encouragement.

• The ability to travel.  The world is a big place, and I'm so glad that I've gotten to experience and see places and things outside of my California "normal" and comfort zone!

• Books.  When I can't physically travel to another place, I know I can always open a book.

• Photography.  You never know when a moment will become a cherished memory.

• Skype and FaceTime.  They make the miles between my friend and I seem a lot shorter, and sometimes nonexistent. 

• My friend Katrina.  I've known her since I was either 13 or 14 years old, and she is easily one of my all-time favorite people!  She's always honest with me, telling me what she actually thinks verses what she thinks I want to hear.  (Basically, she'll flat out tell me I'm crazy or irrational when I think I'm being perfectly sane.)  Whether I run into a problem or I'm working on a creative project, her perspective is always helpful and refreshing.  Her sarcasm is hilarious and she has a sweet, welcoming family.  Whenever I'm Tennessee, I always look forward to visiting with her as she and her husband often invite me to stay at their house.  She is one of my greatest friends!

• My birthmark.  While I am not thankful for awkward moments and annoying stares, I am thankful for the things I have learned through having it.  I am thankful for the awkward moments that turn into humorous moments and annoying stares that turn into educational moments for the one staring.   I'm thankful to have the ability to go to different classrooms where I work to teach the children about it and to let them ask any questions they may have.

• My job.  I work as a noontime assistant at the school I attended as a child.  I LOVE my job.  Although I've had jobs in the past, I've never enjoyed them like I enjoy this one. The people I work with are fantastic, the kids are hilarious, and I never get tired of clocking in everyday.  (And let me just add…This is the first time where I have loved my job, and have loved going to school at the same time.  It's a great feeling!)

• My parent's new home.  We've been in it a little over a year, and it has been a HUGE blessing.  We've been able to have a lot of visitors, dessert and game nights.  These are things we couldn't do in our old home…I absolutely love being able to bake something sweet and having friends over for a visit!

• Hugs from BreAnna and DJ whenever I see them.

• Trying new things.  You never know what you might miss out on if you aren't willing to try something new.  In the end, it may be the best thing you've tried - or it may be the worst…But at least you've tried, and aren't left wondering what could of happened had you not tried that something new.

• The ability to grow and change.  I'm glad that I can grow and change as a person.  My personality, ways of thinking, and flaws are not set in stone…Thank goodness!  I'm also glad that I can grow from the best of experiences, and even from the most unpleasant ones. 

• Board Games.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE board games - and card games too!!  I've had some of my best memories circled around a good game with family and/or friends throughout the years of growing up, and throughout the recent years as well.  Anytime you want to play a game, I'm in!

• Flexibility.  I'm thankful to be flexible - at least, mentally.  Being mentally flexible makes life so much easier when plans change and things don't go 100% according to plan.

• Creativity.  Life would be boring without it.  

• Pinterest.  When my own creativity fails, Pinterest is available 24/7.

• The chance I had to visit Nashville this summer.  The trip was something I really needed.  I was able to reconnect with old friends and had the chance to deepen friendships.

• Chocolate.  Need I say more?

• Music.  Although I can't keep beat to save my life, I'm so happy I can enjoy the creations of those who can! 

• My time at Free Will Baptist Bible College (FWBBC), now known as Welch College.  Sure…I attended the college back in 2009-2010…But my one year there has had a great impact in my life and was full of memories that I still love to reflect on.

• My time in London.  I learned so much while I was in London in 2012, and made friends that I know will last a life time.  

My list could go on and on about people and things I am thankful for…But this is the shortened edition.  What are you thankful for this year??

The Travelin' Chick,

Crystal

PS: After I wrote this, I remembered I wrote an entry similar in 2011.  It was fun to compare the entries to see similarities or differences.  (Thankful in 2011)

A Home to Return to

Recently I met at Starbucks with a couple of friends of mine.  One friend in particular was asking me how many more laser treatments I would need for my birthmark.  Responding, I told her something like, "I don't know.  I can stop when I want to stop or I can keep going.  I had them as a child but decided to stop when I was about 11-years-old, and my mom said, 'okay', and let me stop.  When I was about 18-years-old, I told my mom I wanted to continue - and she told me 'okay' again, and I continued."  She said something to the effect of, "You have a good mom who supports you and your decisions."

And that's the thing.  I do have a good mom.  In fact, I have a great mom who supports me and my decisions...and recently, I've realized how I sometimes take her - and my dad - for granted.

Lately I've been reminded more and more about how blessed I am to have my parents in my life.  During the last few weeks, I keep hearing stories of people who don't have such a great support system in their lives.

I have friends who don't want to go home, because if they do, they have to "deal with their family".  I have friends who's parents aren't kind to them with their words, who put their child (my friend) down.  My friends have parents who tell their children that they aren't pretty enough, thin enough, or that they deserve to become sick, they deserve to go through an emotional hard time, etc, etc.

In my ASL (American Sign Language) classes I learn of stories of children who are Deaf who have gone through horrendous medical experiments, therapies, and treatments - even when they requested that they stop.  (This happened/happens when parents are new to having a Deaf child and rely on doctors for advice.  The parents want what is best for their child, but what they are told to do by their doctors doesn't always end up being the best option.)  My teachers, friends, and classmates who are Deaf share what it is like to grow up Deaf in a hearing family...Being left out of conversations, social activities, and being left completely alone.  One friend even shared that his mother left the family when they found out he was deaf.

The other week, I was with a group that included 6 of my friends (two friends are Deaf, the other four are hearing).  We were trying to figure out who all wanted to go to Wal-Mart, so we asked both the hearing and Deaf friends in the group if they wanted to to to the store.  If we all went, we would take two cars, as we all wouldn't fit into one.  If some wanted to stay at the apartment until we got back, we only need to take one vehicle.  One of my Deaf friends responded, "I don't need to go.  I'm use to being alone.  I'm use to my family leaving me out."  Needless to say - we took two cars and made sure that all 6 of us went to the store together that night.

Two weekends ago I also went to see The Deafhood Monologues.  The monologues included many true stories based on experiences and the history of Deaf culture and people, but one story particular stood out to me...and has come to my mind everyday since the performance.

During the monologues, actress Shira Gravelsky presented a (true) story of a woman who went to an adoption agency.  The woman that Shira played met a young girl who loved to draw - regardless of the fact that she was missing fingers.  Shira's character spoke to someone in charge, asking if the little girl was born without her fingers.  To her character's surprise, the little girl's current condition was not to be faulted due to her development in the womb or due to a birth problem.  It was faulted by a recent, tragic, life event.

The little girl was born deaf.  She learned to do some sign language, but then her parents took her to a doctor who dubbed signing and ASL as bad.  The doctor insisted that the parents push oralism and speech therapy on the child - and told them not to let their daughter sign or use ASL.

Her parents tried to get her to go oral, but she continued to sign.  Her dad became infuriated and one day yelled, "Is she signing again??  Is she?  Make her stop!  Make her speak!...Is she signing??  Make her put her hands out!"  So, the child was forced to lay out her hands - and bam!  Her father took a knife and cut off all his child's fingers.  (The child's parents went to jail.)

I listen to stories like this and my heart breaks.  I listen to my friends talk about their strained relationships with their parents who aren't very kind, and I become extremely saddened.  My heart has broken so many times during the last two months as I hear stories in class or through new friends.  All the people I've heard share about their poor home life are such beautiful people, and I can't imagine how their parents don't see the beauty in their own children, or how they don't accept their child as they are.  Hearing about all of these stories and experiences...I am reminded of how lucky and blessed I am to have the parents that I have.

When it comes to my health and to my body, my parents have never forced me to do anything I haven't wanted to do.  Like with my laser treatments.  If I want to have them, they're okay with it.  My mom even drives me to and from - 3 hours each direction.  If I want to stop the treatments, they are okay with that too.  And when I was diagnosed with chronic pain at the age of 12?  My parents made sure that I got the best treatment possible to help relieve as much of the pain as possible.

If I need help with friend situations or need advice of any kind, I know I can trust my parents.  I know they'll think rationally and not attempt to feel bad about any of the situations.  They try to encourage me through their advice.  They're not afraid to be honest with me if I'm in the wrong or need correcting, but they correct me in love and in a tender way in hopes of helping me grow as a person through the situation.

My parents have let me travel the world without them since I was 15-years-old.  They want me to travel, understanding that the world is a big and unique place.  They've encouraged me to spend 6 months in London, and supported me when I wanted to go to Japan to help with the disaster relief efforts after the tsunami hit.  Even though the tsunami and issues Japan was having with the nuclear plants and radiation made my parents a little nervous, they knew I felt like I need to go and they trusted in God to keep me safe.

When I decided to move to Germany for 6 months, my parents let me make my own decision and told me it was a good, once in a life time oppurtunity.  When I decided it was best for me to come home from Germany 4 months early, my parents were once again in full support.  They welcomed me home with wide-open arms and picked me up from the airport.

Whenever my parents see an area I become interested in, they encourage me to persue my new interest.  If I enjoy a new hobby, they support me.  My dad, after all, is the one who surprised me when I was 13-years-old as he bought me my first SLR camera - seeming completely at random at the time.  I remember coming home from school, seeing a Nikon D50 on the table, and asking my dad, "Who's is that??"  He told me, "It's yours."  I don't even remember asking for a camera.  Asking him tonight why he bought the camera for me, he recalled realizing my growing interest in creating videos and thought I needed a better camera to help me out in the new hobby.  Little did he know how much photography would become part of my life!

And in college...Even when I change my major for the 3rd or 4th time, my parents always insist that they want me to major in what I love, what I'm passionate about, and what makes me happy.

My parents have accepted that I am living my life and am trying to live it to the fullest.  They've stuck with me through the good times, and the most trying times.  They even try to give me experiences that they possibly didn't have themselves as a child or young adult.

I just can't imagine having parents who don't accept me for who I am.  I can't imagine having parents who ignore me, or force me to do things I don't want to do, or who make me feel ugly and awful about myself.  I've been blessed with parents who are patient, kind, encouraging, accepting, and who have instilled that beauty runs much deeper than skin deep.  They've taught me to be proud of who I am, even through my differences.

My life could have been extremely different had I been born into a different, less supportive family...And I just want to thank my parents.

Thanks, mom and dad.  Thank you for being great, supportive, encouraging, and loving parents.  Thank you for being parents that I enjoy spending time with.  I hope that if I ever become married, and have children, that I am half as great as you two.

Thank you for giving me a home that I want to return home to at night.

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

Welcomed by the Youth

The last two Friday nights that I've been in Germany, I have been attending a youth night/Bible study.  The youth group meets once a week, every Friday.

Before I continue about my time in the youth group - let me define what they refer to as a youth group. The youth group at the specific church I am attending isn't just middle school thru high school ages.  The ages range from about 17 or so until about 20-something, maybe even early thirties.

The first Friday I went, I was very nervous.  Here I am, in a new culture, not knowing the language, or the people.  I didn't know anyone in the room - except the person who had just given me a ride, whom I had only spent about 10 minutes with at that point.  I was told that many people there knew English, but I didn't know who knew English, or how well.

I met one guy named Peter.  He talked to me for about five minutes and was very welcoming.  I guess he could tell that I was a bit nervous, as he asked me, "You're quite shy, aren't you?"  I told him, "Ummm...Sometimes."  He replied, "But I thought Americans weren't shy??"  Ha...I guess I proved that stereotype wrong!

Peter then took me to meet a few girls.  They were very kind and took it upon themselves to translate everything to me during the night. Announcements, the message, songs...You named it, they heard it in German and turned it into English.

At one point, one of the leaders (and brother of the people I live with), Hermann, was giving some announcements to the group.  While this part wasn't translated word for word, I knew he was sharing that there was an American in the group who only spoke English.  (AKA: Me.)  While introducing me, there was a moment I found to be awkward.  One of the guys in the group said something (in German, of course) that resulted in his whole row looking back at me and laughter being shared among people in the room.  I have no idea what was said.  I didn't think to ask for the translation because I was caught off-guard and felt a bit embarrassed...but at least some people got a good laugh...right??

During the service they also sang two songs in German, and one in English.  The first Friday was a great introduction to the group.  I met a few people and they were all very welcoming.

This last Friday, I went back once again.  The same girls helped me out again by spending time with me and translating their native language to mine.

During the message, the leaders had everyone break into about 7 groups.  Before I realized what was happening, people started counting off.  People who said the number "one" were part of group "one".  People who said the number "two" went with group "two".  However, I don't yet understand the numbers in German.  I've heard them before, but not enough to realize when people are counting.  The group was counting and saying their group number.  Then, it was my turn to say a number...but I was still clueless as to what was even taking place.  Once it hit my turn, I think I got the "deer in the headlights" look as I knew I was suppose to say something - but I didn't know what.  Thanks to my new friend for allowing me to follow her to her group!

The groups were all given the same challenge to discuss.  The challenge was to find something (an act of service) that each group can do for the church or the community within the next month.  My group spoke in English the whole time, with a little bit of German.  I insisted that they could speak in German, but one of the guys told me, "But speaking in English is cool!"

Each group had a piece of paper for our group to write down our act of service we wanted to do.  Our group came up with an act of service and they wrote down the names of each member of our small gathering.  When they got to my name, one of the guys asked me, "How do you describe your name?"

How do I describe my name?  What???  It took me a second, and then I realize what he was asking.  I responded, "Oh!  Do you mean how to I spell my name?"

For those of you who don't know much about the German alphabet (as I didn't know much about it either until recently), their alphabet is a little bit different.  There are a few more letters in it and the letters are pronounced differently.  Sadly, I couldn't remember how to pronounce all the letters the German way - but I did remember one important one.  The following was how the next conversation took place:

"I spell my name C-R-Y..." - Me
"Y?  Which letter is Y?" - German Guy
"I don't know...I don't remember..." - Another German Guy
"Oh!!  Sorry...I mean 'upsilon'!...Did I say that right??" - Me
"Yes!  You did!  Good job!" - My New Friend

While I couldn't remember the exact way to say each letter, I remembered 'upsilon'!  If you've ever attempted to learn another language, you know exactly how good it feels when you remember a word (or, in this case, a letter!) and get something right.  It's one of the greatest feelings of accomplishment.  It also gives the feeling and thought of, "I remembered something in German!  Yesssss!  Maybe I'll be okay here after all."

After each group finished filling out their paper of what they want to do in the next month, we turned the paper in and all gathered together for the rest of the service.  The leaders read off the different papers of the tasks everyone intends to do.  Some mentioned that they want to help the church janitor clean for a day, some want to help care for the church garden, others want to provide snacks for the Friday night youth service.  Our group decided to write notes of encouragement to members of the church who are currently in a time of discouragement and hardship.

As the leader was reading off all the different things people planned to do, she was reading them in German as my new friends translated for me.  Then, the leader switched to English and looked at me saying, "The next one is a surprise for Crystal.  One of the groups wants to sing a song for you in English."

The group went up to the stage.  The same leader who introduced me the week before, Hermann, was in this group, and he spoke saying something like, "We just wanted to let you know we are very glad and happy that you are in our youth group while you are here.  We want to sing a song for you and we hope you enjoy it."

The song wasn't one that I knew - but I liked it!  The song is called, "Heaven is a Wonderful Place".  The group sang the song and then invite everyone else to join them for the second round.  If you don't know the song - click here for a youtube (random) video of the song.

After the service was over, they had hotdogs for everyone to enjoy.  (Yum!)  As we ate our hotdogs we all chatted and some of us stayed to play games.

I got to the church around 8:00 pm.  I didn't leave until about 12:00 am.

I'm really looking forward to meeting more of the youth group this upcoming Friday, as well as getting better aquatinted with my new friends.

I have only gone to the youth group twice, but I look forward to going more than I can really express.  The youth of the church have really gone above and beyond in welcoming me to Germany.  Although I've told them I don't expect someone to translate for me every time, or for them to sing a song in English every week, so far they have.  Every time I have left the group, I leave feeling encouraged.  They have really included me and I am excited about making new friends.

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

A Staring Contest

I have been in Germany for nearly three weeks now.  (Monday evening makes it three weeks exactly!)  I've been adapting to my new surroundings, jet lag, a new language, people, and new schedule.  It has been a bit more exhausting than what I had expected and I apologize for not blogging about my time here sooner.

This last week was a good week for me.  However, I will say, the week before was very difficult, emotionally, physically, and mentally.  For those of you who read my Facebook status update a week ago, I wrote about having a hard day.  For those of you who didn't get a chance to read it, I wrote, "After being here for nearly two weeks, I finally had the 'Ah-Ha!' moment of, 'Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.' It was a very overwhelming, and exhausting day for me...And to be honest, it was really hard. Here's to hoping that tomorrow is an easier day."

Why was that day so hard for me?  Well, here in Germany, I am an Au Pair...Also known as an overseas nanny.  My job is to help with the children, but also to help teach the children I nanny English.  My job is to speak English all day, everyday, that I am with the children...Which makes it hard to learn German, the first language of the people here.

The day I wrote that status update was the first time I was really "thrown" into German culture.  It was one of my first moments of culture shock.  In the morning, we went to a meeting of young moms and their children, so their children can play together while the moms talk.  When we arrived, I was told that the women there know English.  (But, of course, it's still not their first language and in the small town where we live, there is almost no need to speak English.)  We talked for about five minutes in English.  The rest of the time we spent together was in German.

Coming to Germany, I really only knew one or two words.  Now I know at least 20-25 words...Progress!  But, while that is progress, it's not really enough to follow conversation.  If the conversation is about an airplane (Flugzeug in German...Sounding kind of like "fluke-zoy-k"), I at least know that the topic or that an airplane was involved in the discussion, but that's about it.  I also know the word for "no", which is "nein" - which sounds like the English word "nine".  Knowing the word "no" in German comes in handy with the children, and for knowing when people are answering questions.

We were with the group for a little more than two hours.  Occasionally I would get a summarized version of what was being said, but not the full conversation.  Only hearing a summary of the conversations every 20-30 minutes makes it difficult to partake in the discussion.

After meeting the group from the church, we had lunch plans.  The lady I live with (Anna), her children (Daniel and Markus), and I were going to eat at her in-laws house (her husband, Friedrich, was working).  When we got to the house of her in-laws, I was asked if I spoke either Russian or German.  When Anna told them I only know English, I saw the disappointment spread across the lady's face.

During the lunch, there was some translation, but most of the conversation I missed because of my lack of knowledge with German.  We were there for 2-3 hours.

All of the people I met were really kind and nice, and lunch was delicious.  However, by the end of the day, I was exhausted.  Spending about five hours around the German language was hard for me.

Not knowing what was going on and not being able to communicate made me feel lost and confused.  And even more than that?  It made me feel extremely lonely.  I was excited about the possibility of meeting new people and making new friends.  At home, I usually make new friends with ease.  Making a new friend isn't usually a struggle for me. But at home, there is a common language: English.  For the first time in my life, I've found it to be a challenge to make new friends due to my lack of ability to communicate.

Before coming to Germany, I spent time in Nashville.  I was able to meet with my friends, Josh and Alicia.  They are dear friends of mine and they are missionaries to Japan.  While in Nashville, I was able to connect with them at the Free Will Baptist International Mission office.  This was an unexpected visit, but a VERY welcomed one!  It was a really great surprise for my trip.

When Josh and Alicia were sharing about their time in Japan, they shared about their ministry, relationships, joys, and struggles.  They also shared about language school and how exhausting they found it to be...leaving their brains stretched and worn out, and their desire to just stare at a wall due to their low energy level. 

The day when I was around Germany for about five hours, at one point I caught myself staring at a wall. Feeling a bit lost and confused as German was being spoken all around me...and not understanding a thing, I was extremely overwhelmed. Then, when I realized I was staring at a wall in the middle of it all... I started chuckling to myself...but only in my head - I didn't want to look like "that crazy Crazy, Californian, American who stares at a wall while laughing"...It also made me smile, as I thought of my dear friends and their adventures and my time spent with them.

Knowing about Josh and Alicia's time learning Japanese, I instantly knew (because of their stories) that staring at a wall is a normal event to take place when adapting to a new culture and language.  When I told Alicia about my staring contest with a wall, she told me that it was a sign that my brain was just taking a break.

So, for those wondering why my day was so rough - that is a summary about some of the events that took place.

...Now...Back to my staring contest with a wall...

The Traveling Chick,

Crystal

A Long Way

This photo above is a photo of my first dinner in my flat when arriving to London.  When four of us arrived as newbies, the three girls who had been living here went out to do some work that they do every week.  There wasn't much to eat in the fridge as grocery shopping is done on every Monday and we had arrived late on a Sunday.  There are four Korean girls in our flat, one girl from Switzerland, and then two Americans.  In the cabinet there was a lot of unfamiliar Korean food of which we had no idea how to make, not to mention being clueless as to what some of the ingredients were.  What did we eat?  Salad (with homemade dressing made by my Swiss friend!), rice, nuts, bread, some ham, and best of all...Gummy bears I brought along from Germany.  (What can I say?  I am a bit of a candy junky lately!)  Regardless of what we atel: We were able to bond and have much laughter over the experience of our creative meal!

Monday we went grocery shopping.  We bought food and stocked up for 8 girls (since the first dinner a week and a half ago, a girl from Germany has joined our flat for a couple of months).  We also have a list of who makes dinner on which nights.  Tonight was my night.

Now, if you know me...You know I don't cook much.  I know a few basic meals but I am limited in my knowledge.  While I don't cook much, I do bake.  I bake a LOT.  Cheesecakes, lava cakes, truffles, brownies...You name it, I bake it!

Tonight was an adventure.  The girl from Germany helped me a LOT.  The girl from Switzerland was in the kitchen as we cooked.  We worked together making a wonderful team.  For dinner we made salads, toast, and Chicken Stock Stew.  While listening to our comments about our cooking work-in-progress such as, "Oh no!", "Eh, we can wing it", "Do you know what you're doing or how to do that?", "Oh, we don't have that...", or "It's okay - I'm sure it'll be fine!"...and not to mention all of our laughter, I'm sure she was praying the whole time while we cooked!

The Chicken Stock Stew was suppose to consist of: Chicken, onions, carrots, garlic, mushrooms, potatoes, and celery.  We didn't have potatoes or celery.  Instead, we improvised.  Our version of the recipe had: Chicken, carrots, mushrooms, garlic, onions, and noodles.

To say the least, our meals have come a long way since our first night in the flat.  We've eaten more rice in one week then I usually eat in a month in the States.  (Again, four girls are from Korea.  It's neat to see all the different ways in which they eat rice!)  I've learned to cook a new dish and bonded more with my new German friend.

While we have come a long way, one thing is for sure!  Both nights we improvised ingredients for our dinners.  The first night, there wasn't much around but worked with what we could find.  Tonight there was food around, just not what the specific recipe listed to add to the dish.

Flexibility and improvising - those are two of the main skills you need when traveling and living overseas, right??

Last night I asked for prayer on my Facebook page for the seven girls I live with who would be eating the food, and for it to at least be edible.  What do you know?  God does answer prayers!  After eating all of the food, we even lived to talk about it! ...Then again, I guess we should wait at least 24 hour to make sure we're okay! ;-)

The Traveling Chick,
Crystal

Normal to Feel Normal?

This evening my mom called me as she was out and about as she often does.  This time, however, was different then her, "How are you doing?  What did you do for dinner?" type of phone calls.  Instead she broke out of our  usual conversation and told me, "Your dad called me from work.  He told me to come and get him - he is sick."

Before I continue, let me explain something.  My dad is a strong man.  Even when feeling ill, he finds some hidden strength and pushes through.  Only once in my life do I recall him calling in sick for work - and that was within the last month or so.  Never has he called my mom to leave work early after driving himself to the location of his job.  While feeling well or ill...he pushes through and holds on to his responsibilities, even if it requires working double shifts.

By sharing that bit of information you now know that my mother calling with that news was unusual.  After talking to me, she went and got my dad taking him directly to the ER.

The hospital actually got him in rather quickly.  If you were going to have an emergency that requires the ER, tonight was the night.  Once I got to the ER there was at least an hour's time of which I was literally the only body in the waiting room.

Turns out dad has another infection.  The first decision was to hospitalize him.  They don't know the type or location of the infection, but they do know it's a serious one.  (Although from what they can tell, not as serious as one he had in March of this year.)  When I left they were talking about releasing him to go home.  (Which they've done that before but made him come right back a few hours later after getting test results.)

I got to the hospital around 9:45 PM and left around 1:30 AM, getting home around 2:00 AM.  When I left mom was still there and dad was still in the back as they still have yet to determine what they want him to do...Go home, or stay.

While being in the waiting room my mom let me play with her iPad.  Doing what a typical young adult does, I got on the free WiFi of the hospital and got on Facebook.  While on Facebook I chatted with 4 or 5 friends to give me something to do as it was too late to text "my usual people".  I can't remember which friend asked me first, but they asked, "How are you doing??"

That's when it hit me.  How am I doing?  That was a good question and one I didn't quite have a quick answer for.  I hadn't yet thought about how I was doing.  Thinking back to March, I could tell you how I was doing then when 911 was called and dad was taken away from the house in an ambulance.  I was a mess.  Thinking back to March I can recall the emotion of fear flowing through my veins.  Once the ambulance left and mom followed in her car, I remember being home alone taking the whole scene in (before leaving myself), soon to be followed by being doubled over in tears in the middle of our hallway.  There were countless tears I shed that night before heading to see my dad.

How am I doing?  This time around it is different.  At this point it seems almost routine and normal.  I've seen about as many movies in the theater as times my dad has been hospitalized this year - if not less than the times he was hospitalized.  If you look at how many times our family has visited the ER (not cancer diagnoses, surgeries, hospitalizations, or the death of my niece), we have been to the ER at least three times the amount of movies we have seen this year.  We've been there enough times in 2011 alone that I've just about decided they should have V.I.P. recliner seats for each member of my family.

This time when mom called to tell me she was taking dad to the ER, I started to shed a tear or two thinking, "Not again...", but stopped myself to ask my mom, "What do you need?  What do I need to bring you?"  (Granted, my reaction this time may of also been different than in March because in March I saw how bad my dad was, which was worse than tonight.  From what we know right now, the situation in March was a lot more severe as we would of lost him that night had we waited just one more hour to call 911.)

To actually answer the question, "How am I doing?"  I still don't know.  This is routine and normal now.  I'm not sure if I've either numbed this part of my brain and heart for it to hurt less, if it's just that I've become stronger through all that I've been through this year, or if I've not completely taken it in that he's back in the ER.  I'm not sure if my mind is waiting to react until we know more details of the infection (severity, type, etc) or if God is just giving me a peace about the whole situation.  Any of those are possibilities.  In fact, it could be a combination of all of the above, or a mixture of certain ones.  

Is this normal for this to feel normal?  For it to feel as though it's part of our life and routine?  Is it natural to numb myself to the situation?  There are other questions that come to mind but those are to just name a few.   I've had a few unique situations in my life where it's hard to find people who have been in similar situations. (Example: The death of my niece.  It's hard to find people who have experienced the lose of a child from an aunt's perspective.  In the past I've even Googled support groups for the aunt/uncle perspective and there are none that I could find.)  However, while I know there have been unique situations in unique combinations, I do know I must know people who have had a sick father or sick mother in their lives.  It's a more common situation for people to experience and yet I have no idea which of my many friends have gone through a similar situation.  (And although common, it doesn't make it any easier.  Having a sick parent is a tough thing, and I imagine that goes for a child of any age.)  It's amazing what you learn about other people when go through different trials and situations.

Although it feels routine and normal I can't help but ask myself, "When did this become our way of life?  When did ER visits and dad's ill health become so normal to me?  Is this really our life now?"  And although it feels normal and routine, I still do have emotions, fears, and dreams attached to the situation that I've had since being 15-years-old when his bad health started.  I dream my dad will still be here to see me graduate college.  I dream he'll be here to meet the man I fall in love with, that he'll be here to walk me down the aisle as I stand next to him dressed in a beautiful white gown.  I dream he will hold my future children, his grandchildren. At the same time I fear my dreams are truly only that - a dream and not reality. 

I'm not much of an emotional person.  Okay - I take that back.  I'm not an openly emotional person.  If I want to cry, I usually wait until I'm in private and am all alone.  I let myself break when no one else can see me or hear my cries of pain - whether it be physical, spiritual, mental, or emotional pain.  Even when my niece died I was like this with family.  My grandfather, of whom I love dearly, asked me, "How are you doing?"  Instead of telling him the true burdens and pain on my heart I hid from him the honest cries of my emotions telling him, "I am fine."

This is something I am really trying to work on as I realize it's unhealthy.  I know of a few reasons in some situations, but I'm not 100% sure why I hide and ignore what I feel, especially around others.  I'm trying to be more open with my feelings and to be honest with family and friends that I know genuinely care.  (Obviously I'm not going to tell a random stranger how I feel, but when friends or even family ask, I want to be more honest and to not feel ashamed or as though I need to hide the feelings I experience and have.)  For me this blog is a start.  While I don't open up about everything on this blog (as that is not what is for as some situations, emotions, or feelings, are meant to be private), I want to open up some.  

How am I doing??  Ask me tomorrow (which I guess is technically now today).  Ask me once I get some sleep and once my dad's third infection of the year sinks in deeper.  Ask me when we know more to the situation.  My answer may be different than my repeated answer of earlier tonight, "I'm okay.  This almost just seems like it's routine and  normal."  Once sleep is in my system and we know more details, it may not feel as routine and normal.

What is your story?  Please share with me via message, comment bellow, on FB, text, or call me (there is a "Contact Me" page above).  I would love to hear your story and your experience.

Tonight was an eye opener.  Even if my family is currently done with cancers, tumors, and most surgeries, my dad's weak health and ER visits are and more than likely will forever be apart of our life and routine.

Oh, and is he hospitalized or coming home?  I've already posted this blog, so this is an update, but as of Monday, December 12 - He was taken to the ER once again.  This time he has been hospitalized with double pneumonia. 

The Travelin' Chick,

Crystal

PS: Thank you for the prayers for my dad, me, and my family!