2014 Flashbacks

It's time for another year to come to an end.  As I sit back and reflect on the many memories and moments I was able to experience throughout 2014, I realize what a crazy and adventourous ride it has been.

In 2014 I...

• Spent half the year on crutches.
• Met Lady Antebellum!!
• Finally expressed my interest in becoming a speaker and started a new career - which was a buried 7-year-old dream. 
• Was accepted to attend the University for the Deaf and hard of hearing (Gallaudet) for summer classes.
• Had to decline my acceptance to Gallaudet due to emergency gallbladder surgery.  (Seriously, I sound so accident prone this year.)
• Received a college scholarship for my academic achievements. 
• Took a writing class on how to write memoirs.
• Started going to coffee shops just to read and write.
• Moved up in my job from being a noon time assistant (AKA: yard duty teacher) to a substitute teacher's aid.
• Spent over 3 months subbing long term at one school, working with Deaf and Hard of Hearing students.
• Successfully completed 33 college units.
• Spoke to several classrooms at a local elementary school, hopefully breaking stereotypes before they were built.
• Held a sensitivity training in a local hospital.
• Joined a hospital Patient Family Advisory Council, and was asked to join a second one that will start in 2015.
• Was turned into a super hero AND had a theme song written for/about me!
• Started writing a book...or two.
• Spent time with one of my Operation Mobilization London friends - in person - for the first time since 2012!
• Saw Wicked, the musical, for my fourth time. 
• Had a murder mystery super hero birthday party!
• Celebrated the birth of my baby cousin, Erica!
• Spent a LOT of fun times with my 4-year-old cousin Rayna!  (And became her favorite person.)
• Made sugar cookies for the first time (ASL style).
• Bought more books than I have time to read.
• Was upgraded to first class and economy plus for free.
• Tried cotton candy grapes.  (Yes, that's a real thing.)
• Had my photo unintentionally go viral (to over 30 million strangers).
• Had my story written about in the local newspaper, The Fresno Bee.
• Enjoyed having sleepovers with my little sister, BreAnna!  As well as tackling our summer bucket lists together.
• Received more encouragement from friends and strangers that I am SO thankful for.  They'll never know how much their support and encouragement meant to me throughout the year.
• Did a lot of house sitting and babysitting.
• Went on an Alaskan cruise that caught on fire!!  (Yet, it was the best cruise I've ever been on.)
• Went to Seattle and Portland.
• Spent time with my girls at Sugar Pine Christian Camp during the summer as a week-long counselor.
• Tried a reindeer sandwich.  (Oh, wait...Did I write that out too close to Christmas time?)
• Attended the Free Will Baptist National Convention.
• Spent time with dear friends.
• Had four laser treatments.
• Spoke at a women's retreat (not as the main speaker, but for a 20 minute seminar/testimony time).
• Wrote articles for Randall House Publications (will be published in early 2015) and for the Treasure Magazine (published in the fall of 2014). 
• Made a ton of new friends!
• Laughed a LOT.
• Met Jack Canfield and was encouraged by him when I had the chance to talk with him about my life goals.
• Chased my dreams.
• Learned, matured, and grew a lot.
• Became stronger - and an overcomer.
• Made a gazillion God-sized dreams AND accomplished some of them too!!
• Went to Nashville and created this 3-minute beauty with Brian Ellison and Melissa Cowart:

This year had a LOT of great moments.  Many were planned for, dreamt of, and totally unexpected.  (Many of which were really, really unexpected.)  I am SO excited to see what 2015 has in store for me and my family.  I don't know what's going to happen in the new year, but I do know that I am going to keep dreaming big - and I'm going to keep pursing my dreams.  Who knows what doors God may open??

Happy New Year, my dear friends!  Thanks for spending a part of it with me.

The Travelin' Chick,

Crystal

Beyond Thankful

While I know most people are posting what they're most thankful for on Facebook, last year I enjoyed writing my list here on my blog - including photos to go with my list.  I think I'm going to make it a personal tradition to blog a summarized list every year.

So...What am I thankful for this year??  

The ability to travel.  Everyone knows I can't sit still for long.  This year I travelled to: Alaska, Seattle, Portland, Canada, and Nashville.  It was my first year in a long time to not hop on a plane to go overseas, but that's okay.  I really enjoyed exploring all the sites and these locations had to offer - and had a GREAT time while visiting each of them!

My job.  I love my job, and many people can't say that.  I'm thankful that I was able to move up from being a noontime assistant ("yard duty teacher") to a substitute teacher's aid.  But even in being a substitute teacher's aid, I've been placed at a school long-term...and I love it there.  The staff are incredible, the teacher's are kind, and I have the chance to use my language skill set with American Sign Language.  Every week I'm there, the more personal and language growth I see in my life.  (How does this picture of a post-it note relate to my job?  My job has loads of funny moments.  Loads and loads!!...Including this one, which I wrote on a post-it note for the teacher I was working with at the time.)

My beautiful mother!  This is one lady I'll never stop being thankful for.  Ever.  

She goes to work, takes care of my dad, is my sounding board, coordinates a women's retreat, constantly cracks the corniest of jokes, and she even makes me dinner on nights she knows I'm out late because of school.  She balances a lot, and I'm thankful for the Godly example she has been in my life.  I'm thankful that she's not just my mom, but my friend.

Donuts.  I'm thankful for donuts.  Many of you may not know this, but donuts are my weakness.  While in Portland this summer, I spent over 30 minutes in line waiting for one of the city's hot spots for the sweet pastries...and it was worth it!  For years I have been telling my mom on my birthday, "Please don't get me a cake...I would like some donuts instead."  It may seem silly, but I really am thankful for one of my all-time favorite snacks!

My little sister, BreAnna.  She's the best little sister a girl could ask for.  She keeps me laughing ALL of the time, and I enjoy all of our conversations.   We have the best sleepovers and enjoyed tackling our summer bucket lists together this year. BreAnna has brought more encouragement to my life than I can even explain, and I only hope that I can encourage her as much as she has encouraged me. 

My 4-year-old cousin, Rayna.  This kid keeps me laughing every time I see her.  Last night at dinner she kept telling me that she and I are best friends, and how she just couldn't wait to come to my house for Thanksgiving Day.  This morning when she woke up, apparently she told her daddy that today was a "Crystal day" - so she couldn't play with him.  She could only play with me.  When she arrived, she instantly requested that I sit next to her for lunch, where we had the following conversation:

"Crystal, I love family dinners!" - Rayna

"Yeah?? Me too! Why do you love family dinners?" - Me

"Because I get to see YOU!! And I LOVE spending time with you." - Rayna

My new baby cousin, Erica!!  Rayna is now a big sister!...Isn't she cute??  I'm thankful for every chance I get to have to hold her...Especially since the line to do so is always so long! (Ha!) She's adorable, and quite possibly the squeakiest baby I have ever met.  Who wouldn't be thankful for a chance to snuggle with such an adorable baby??  (Side note: I'm also incredibly thankful for the aunt that gave me these two snuggly and playful cousins to adore!)

The support I've experienced since finding out about my Facebook fiasco of my photo going viral.  Wow.  Talk about a powerful amount of encouragement!!  I know I've not blogged much since my initial entry about the situation, but I promise to write more soon about everything.  I can't deny it - the last few months have been a crazy roller coaster ride, and one that isn't quite finished yet...But WOW.  When I made my first post on Facebook about what happened - and then blogged about it - the support has been off the charts.  During a really hard day, I recently had a friend/mentor tell me something along the lines of, "Look at all the support you have!!  As I watch your blog and Facebook page, you've had more support with this one issue alone than I've ever had in my many years of ministry."  And it's true.  I've had a LOT of support, and I cannot give enough thanks for this as this crazy, unexpected journey unfolds.

Not only am I thankful for the support I've received, I'm also thankful for all the encouragement.  (Although, I do realize that these practically go hand in hand.)  Since the Facebook Fiasco started, I've received message after message from friends and strangers alike.  I heard from many of my 1,550 Facebook friends, plus others I've never met from around the world.  I have heard from people with the same type of birthmark that I have, from people who have a child who has what I have, and from people who didn't know what a Port Wine Stain was until they clicked on my blog, or read the article the Fresno Bee wrote on my story. 

The encouraging messages I have received have been such a blessing, and an unexpected surprise.  While I knew some people would message me, I didn't expect such a high number of emailed support.  Like I mentioned above, this has been a roller coaster ride I need to write about again later, but without the encouragement I have received - I know this journey would have been 100,000x harder than it has been.

On the days when I've allowed myself to become distracted by the discouragement of my situation, I've had so many of you tell me, "I just know God is going to do something great with your story!!  I know it!!"  So thank you.  Thank you for lifting me up when I have struggled and been down. Thank you for following my story, sharing it, emailing me, praying for me, and for encouraging me in all the different ways you have all had a part in.  I know many of you are rooting for the plans and story God has for my life, and I appreciate it!

                        

I've known Denise all my life, but she and I have only moved past the life-time acquaintance phase to a full, good, friendship in the last year and a half...And for this, I am beyond thankful!!   In September of 2013, Denise was the worship leader of a women's retreat my mom coordinates.  During the retreat, I had the chance to get to know her a little bit.  Wanting to get to know her better I later requested to meet for Starbucks.  (Which, it turns out, neither one of us likes coffee!  Ha!)  Since then, Denise has been more than amazing and has gifted me with more encouragement than she'll ever realize and she keeps me laughing with her witty sarcasm.  She has turned me into a superhero, Amethyst, and has written me a beautiful song...A song that I can't imagine being written in any other way.  I never imagined having a song written for/about me - ever - but she did it in the most perfect way, and it's the best gift I've ever received.

Recently I went to Nashville to work on a video project.  Ironically, it is a project I had planned before my picture went viral.  Around June or July I called my friend, Brian, and told him of a video idea I had in mind...A video I've wanted to do for at least a year...and a video in which I wanted tell a part of my story, but also with the ability to use this video to hopefully promote and attract potential speaking opportunities.  

I went to Nashville early in the month of November and I've already seen two cuts of the video.  It looks FANTASTIC.  Brian is incredible at what he does, and it was a joy to work with him and my new friend, Melissa.  Being in front of a camera was a bit awkward for me at times, as I'm use to being behind the camera...but I really enjoyed every moment of this project. 

I'm thankful for the opportunity to take time off work and school so I could travel to Nashville and work on this project.  I'm thankful for cough drops, which were a huge contribution to the creating of this video.   I'm thankful for the patiences of both Melissa and Brian, as well as their encouragement throughout the whole process.  I'm especially thankful to have the chance to work with Christian "video guy" who took the time to pray over the project we were working on, as well as for God to use the video to open more doors to speak to others - whether the door be their computer screens on YouTube, or by me (hopefully) gain more speaking engagements where I can speak and encourage others in-person.

If anyone is looking for a chance to tell their story through video, I highly recommend that you check out his website: www.tekmerion.net  (I've not published my video yet, but I will keep you all updated and share it once I am able.)

My friend Melinda! We are total opposites, which is a beautiful thing...but that's another entry for another day.  (Ha!)  I'm thankful for the many deep conversations that have taken place in my car with this lady, and am thankful for her constant reminders to have faith, to dream big dreams!...That nothing is impossible.

I'm thankful for the ability to dream God-sized dreams, and to be proud to do so!  With God anything is possible - and what's not to be thankful about that?  My dreams are BIG, but my God is even BIGGER.  (I have a whole bulletin board in my room that is dedicated to my God-sized dreams!)

This beautiful lady (Amberly Neese) is one of my mentors, and one of the best speakers I have ever heard.  She's a fantastic speaker, friend, and has one of the biggest gifts of encouragement that I have ever seen.  Earlier in the year I sat down to talk with her, telling her of my God-sized dream to become a public speaker. That same day, and since then, she has taken the time to share her words of wisdom, bits of advice, and encouragement with me.  She was the main speaker at a retreat I did a 20 minute talk at, and I'm so glad that she was there.  With her being my mentor in this area of life, I found it to be more than fitting for her to be there as I spoke to a group of women and hopefully started my speaking career.  I'm thankful for women like her (and Denise) who take the time to really invest in my life like they have done, and for women like them who take the time to really "champion me on" (As in the world of Amberly!) - especially in the last year. 

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Again, this is only a summarized list of the things and people I am thankful for.  If I included everything and everyone, this would easily be the blog that never ends.

Too add to my list, though, I am incredibly thankful for God's strength, guidance, His patience, and protection.  Between random gallbladder surgeries, cruise ships catching on fire, heavy school loads (while working full time), pictures going viral...My life has been crazy busy and adventurous, and I can't imagine living life without my God. 

I don't know what the next year will hold for me, but I'm going to continue to dream my God-sized dreams and dream BIG.  I'm going to continue to be thankful for both the little things, and the big things, on a daily basis.

What are you thankful for??

The Travelin' Chick,

Crystal

Beyond the Stain

The beautiful and talented song writer,
Denise Nicholes!

This weekend I had the joy to attend the California Free Will Baptist Women's Retreat - for my 10th time...and boy, was it a fantastic weekend filled with much needed refreshment and encouragement!

This year's theme was, "Journey to Joy".  A dear friend of mine (and my mentor!), Amberly Neese, was the main speaker for the event.  Although she was the main speaker, I had the honor of being asked to speak for a 20 minute segment during the weekend.

Many of you read my initial post about my photo going viral in my last blog entry,  The Face that went Viral.  I plan to post a follow-up, written, entry on my story soon, but  for now I have decided to post the video of my talk...My talk in which I tell the story verbally, but in addition, the journey to joy that I've experienced - even in the midst of the hardship of the last two months.  (Please keep in mind - it's not a professional video by any means, and it was my first time speaking on the topic.)

(For some reason, not all devices are showing all the videos I'm sharing today.  If you are impacted by this error, I apologize and am working on trying to fix that.  Until then, I'm also including the links.  So, for my personal message/20 minute talk - click here if you cannot see it directly on my blog.)

For those of you wondering, this is the video I had all the ladies watch:

(Please click here if this video doesn't show up directly on my blog.)

After I spoke, and the video was finished, I was surprised when my friend Denise Nicholes (the one who introduced me in the clip) went back to the piano and shared a song that God had given her the lyrics and melody for...a song for my story titled "Beyond the Stain" (my birthmark type is called a port wine stain, and the song was partially inspired by my mom's writing of The Stain). In addition, she even had a video playing in the background with photos from my life as I've grown up.

Instead of showing you the "live" version that I recorded, here is the slideshow and song on video that Denise put together and uploaded to her YouTube account for me:

(If this video isn't showing up directly on your device, please Click Here.)

First off, I have to say - my friend Denise has so much talent and such an amazing skill set, and she is a tremendous blessing!  I'm not even sure how to express how much this song means to me.  As she played it at the retreat, I quite possibly shed a tear or two.   I never expected, or thought, that anyone would ever give me such an incredible gift.  (Seriously, it's one of the best gifts I've ever received.)

Denise captured my story so perfectly with the lyrics and melody, and I can't imagine my story being put any other way in the form of a song...And in a way I can't really explain (yet), this gift has helped bring me a sense of healing.  It has also brought me so much needed encouragement! 

Ever since this whole fiasco started, I have had up and down days - just like I mentioned in my talk.  I've had days wondering if I should change my makeup to hide the birthmark so strangers can meet and see me before they have a chance to see my difference.  I've even become extra anxious about the idea of going out in public after future treatments...Yet, knowing that God gave her a song for me to write, it was as if I were hearing from God directly with Him saying, "Keep going!  You can do this!  Keep telling your story - do not hide who you are.  You have a team of support surrounding you, including people like Denise...but more importantly, I am with you always.  You are not alone.  I'm going to do something great with your story if you continue to be willing to be used."

Thanks to Denise, not only am I a super hero, but I have a theme song that fits perfectly for my life.

I hope you enjoyed the song as much as I have been enjoying it.

Thank you, Denise!!

The Travelin' Chick,

Crystal


PS: If you ever need a speaker for any event - please consider my friend Amberly! She is wonderful. Her website is linked above (if you click on her name in the second paragraph). For a taste of her speaking style, though, check out her YouTube clip as well!

(If the video doesn't show up on your device, Click Here.)

Worth More than Gold

(Sometimes videos don't appear on all devices, so if you don't see the music video above "Worth More than Gold" by Britt Nicole, click here!)

A couple of weeks ago I was really struggling with a negative comment that was made to me in regards to my birthmark.  Some days I can easily laugh the negative things off that strangers say and do in reaction to my face, while others day it's not so easy to find the humor.  During this specific day and from a specific interaction, I allowed a stranger to take to my undesired, seldom visited, low place.

An hour later I got into my car.  I was feeling discouraged while questioning my value when it comes to my unique appearance.  I found myself questioning if it'd be easier if I hide who I am by expensive and uncomfortable make up, wondering if that would help me become more valuable in society's eyes…All while forgetting the countless beauties that come with my difference and the value that I have always had, and will always have, in God's eyes.

At the same time, I was (truthfully) beyond frustrated.  I was angry that more often than I prefer, strangers can't seem to talk to me as a person, focusing away from my birthmark…Forgetting that they can get to know the greater level of depth that I have - whether they ask me how I'm doing, about my summer plans, or even about my favorite hobby.

During a venting session taking place only in my mind during my drive home, I thought, "Don't people (strangers, specifically), realize there is more to me than the color of my face??   Why do they always assume it's okay to respond to what they see in certain, negative ways - or that I only want to talk about my birthmark?  Don't they realize I may have cool stories about traveling, that I may love to bake, and have exciting hopes for my life?  I'm just like any person.  I'm just like them…Why do they so easily forget that??"  Sometimes it feels as though some people treat me as though I'm only half a person, just because of half my face.

When I got into my car about an hour after this specific experience, I heard this song come on the radio.  I had heard the song before, but hadn't really listened to it.

This song is just what I needed in that moment.   It was the perfect reminder!!

I needed to hear that no matter what strangers say, no matter how they react, I'm worth more than gold.  I needed that reminder!!

My worth isn't in the way I'm treated by others, or in the way they talk to me…or in some cases, in the way they don't talk to me (that's a story to look forward to for my next blog entry).

My worth is based off so much more than a few opinions, stares, and remarks I receive from other people...and I can't ever forget that - and I should never let anyone let me feel any less, like I did that day.   I don't have to hide who I am to make other people more comfortable.  The way others treat me does not define me.  If anything, it gives me a glimpse into their heart and opens many doors to help educate those that I meet.

More importantly??  Through these experiences I feel as though I am constantly (on a daily basis) learning about what it truly means to be kind to others  - no matter if they're kind to me or not - and I think that adds to my value.  (Granted, I have to admit...sometimes it takes a couple of lessons to learn whatever I'm suppose to learn!)

Maybe you need a bit of encouragement too, or a reminder.  While the worth and value of gold fluctuates by human standards throughout the ages of time, our value and worth in God's eyes is always constant.  He always sees our true worth, even when we can't see it ourselves…and no matter how high gold is valued here on earth at any given time  - we are always worth so much more.

Whatever your struggle is I want you to know, "you're worth more than gold"…and I hope you never forget that either!

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

No One Compares to You

A cool thing happened today as I was leaving work.

As I was walking out of the office doors towards my car, a woman stopped to talk to me.  I've only met the lady once - several months ago - and have seen her on and off throughout the last semester or two.  (Not that it matters for this blog update, but I don't even know her name.  I just know we work at the same place but that we've also never really held a discussion before.)

When she stopped me, she unexpectedly told me something along the lines of, "I just wanted to let you know - you inspire me.  I know what you do…I know you go to the different classrooms to tell them about your birthmark.  You see...I have a bunch of scars that make me extremely self-conscious - and I absolutely dislike wearing short sleeve shirts because of how self-conscious they make me.  I'm being tested to see if I have lupus…which I don't think I have...but my doctors are totally clueless as to why I scar so easily.  I get so self conscious over my scars, but then I heard about you and your 'imperfection' and how you handle it…teaching others and being confident with it…persevering.  It has really helped and inspired me."

Oh...and the lady?  Today she was wearing a tank top.

You never know how others are being affected by you and your story.  You never know who is watching, who is listening.

I know that I am often able to help teach children about my birthmark.  Nearly every day I walk away from my work with a cute kid quote about a question they ask me about it (like my favorite, "did you get it from eating a hamburger?"), or a story about how I was able to help them understand my birthmark.

I know the children are listening.   I know they're watching.  But I realized today that I forgot about the adults around me.  The grownups - my peers.

Truthfully, I often forget I am different than everyone else on the outside - until someone points it out…and normally it's not pointed out in a positive way.  I forget that I have a unique story that most don't get to tell or experience.

To me, my story is normal.  My story is boring.  My story is my daily life.  It's the story I grew up with.  It's the only story I've experienced and fully know.

However, today's positive moment reminded me that in some ways, if I embrace it in the right way, if I don't let it bring me down or discourage me,  I can, I will, and I do have a powerful and slightly incredible story…and an extraordinary way to reach, educate, and connect with other people.

Today  I was reminded that to other, my story is not boring.  To others my story can be seen as interesting and mysterious.  It can be seen as an encouragement.

We all have our unique situations - the good ones, the bad, and those that are in-between.

How are you going to allow these situations to affect your life?  I hope you'll let them affect you for the positive.  You never know the impact you can make if you embrace your situations, persevere, and find the positive.  You never know who is watching…who is listening.  Even if you make a difference in one person's life…It's all worth it, right??  You never know the domino affect and legacy your story may have, just by changing the life of one other person.

I don't know how the lady knows my story.  We barely even know each other.  I don't even know her name.

I don't know how she knows that I sometimes go to different classrooms to teach the children about my facial difference…but I know that somehow, she does know.  I know that at some point she's listened.  She's watched.

Please note, I am not posting today's story in attempts of bragging.  That's not my desire at all.

If you're anything like me - you have a tendency to downplay how special you are.  You forget or ignore how valuable you are as a person.  You ignore your true beautiful worth, comparing yourselves to others with a measuring stick while thinking, "Oh wow.  That other person has done so much with their life…What can I show for mine??  I'll never be as talented or as influential as them.  I'll never be able to be like them."  (I have a horrible habit of doing this.)

I only want to encourage you - no matter your story…Your story is special.  Your story is unique.  It is extraordinary…And more importantly: You are extraordinary. You are special and unique.  You have value…and no one compares to you.

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

PS: If you want to read more about what I do when I visit classrooms to talk about my birthmark, and my goal in doing so, please read Breaking Down the Box.

A Home to Return to

Recently I met at Starbucks with a couple of friends of mine.  One friend in particular was asking me how many more laser treatments I would need for my birthmark.  Responding, I told her something like, "I don't know.  I can stop when I want to stop or I can keep going.  I had them as a child but decided to stop when I was about 11-years-old, and my mom said, 'okay', and let me stop.  When I was about 18-years-old, I told my mom I wanted to continue - and she told me 'okay' again, and I continued."  She said something to the effect of, "You have a good mom who supports you and your decisions."

And that's the thing.  I do have a good mom.  In fact, I have a great mom who supports me and my decisions...and recently, I've realized how I sometimes take her - and my dad - for granted.

Lately I've been reminded more and more about how blessed I am to have my parents in my life.  During the last few weeks, I keep hearing stories of people who don't have such a great support system in their lives.

I have friends who don't want to go home, because if they do, they have to "deal with their family".  I have friends who's parents aren't kind to them with their words, who put their child (my friend) down.  My friends have parents who tell their children that they aren't pretty enough, thin enough, or that they deserve to become sick, they deserve to go through an emotional hard time, etc, etc.

In my ASL (American Sign Language) classes I learn of stories of children who are Deaf who have gone through horrendous medical experiments, therapies, and treatments - even when they requested that they stop.  (This happened/happens when parents are new to having a Deaf child and rely on doctors for advice.  The parents want what is best for their child, but what they are told to do by their doctors doesn't always end up being the best option.)  My teachers, friends, and classmates who are Deaf share what it is like to grow up Deaf in a hearing family...Being left out of conversations, social activities, and being left completely alone.  One friend even shared that his mother left the family when they found out he was deaf.

The other week, I was with a group that included 6 of my friends (two friends are Deaf, the other four are hearing).  We were trying to figure out who all wanted to go to Wal-Mart, so we asked both the hearing and Deaf friends in the group if they wanted to to to the store.  If we all went, we would take two cars, as we all wouldn't fit into one.  If some wanted to stay at the apartment until we got back, we only need to take one vehicle.  One of my Deaf friends responded, "I don't need to go.  I'm use to being alone.  I'm use to my family leaving me out."  Needless to say - we took two cars and made sure that all 6 of us went to the store together that night.

Two weekends ago I also went to see The Deafhood Monologues.  The monologues included many true stories based on experiences and the history of Deaf culture and people, but one story particular stood out to me...and has come to my mind everyday since the performance.

During the monologues, actress Shira Gravelsky presented a (true) story of a woman who went to an adoption agency.  The woman that Shira played met a young girl who loved to draw - regardless of the fact that she was missing fingers.  Shira's character spoke to someone in charge, asking if the little girl was born without her fingers.  To her character's surprise, the little girl's current condition was not to be faulted due to her development in the womb or due to a birth problem.  It was faulted by a recent, tragic, life event.

The little girl was born deaf.  She learned to do some sign language, but then her parents took her to a doctor who dubbed signing and ASL as bad.  The doctor insisted that the parents push oralism and speech therapy on the child - and told them not to let their daughter sign or use ASL.

Her parents tried to get her to go oral, but she continued to sign.  Her dad became infuriated and one day yelled, "Is she signing again??  Is she?  Make her stop!  Make her speak!...Is she signing??  Make her put her hands out!"  So, the child was forced to lay out her hands - and bam!  Her father took a knife and cut off all his child's fingers.  (The child's parents went to jail.)

I listen to stories like this and my heart breaks.  I listen to my friends talk about their strained relationships with their parents who aren't very kind, and I become extremely saddened.  My heart has broken so many times during the last two months as I hear stories in class or through new friends.  All the people I've heard share about their poor home life are such beautiful people, and I can't imagine how their parents don't see the beauty in their own children, or how they don't accept their child as they are.  Hearing about all of these stories and experiences...I am reminded of how lucky and blessed I am to have the parents that I have.

When it comes to my health and to my body, my parents have never forced me to do anything I haven't wanted to do.  Like with my laser treatments.  If I want to have them, they're okay with it.  My mom even drives me to and from - 3 hours each direction.  If I want to stop the treatments, they are okay with that too.  And when I was diagnosed with chronic pain at the age of 12?  My parents made sure that I got the best treatment possible to help relieve as much of the pain as possible.

If I need help with friend situations or need advice of any kind, I know I can trust my parents.  I know they'll think rationally and not attempt to feel bad about any of the situations.  They try to encourage me through their advice.  They're not afraid to be honest with me if I'm in the wrong or need correcting, but they correct me in love and in a tender way in hopes of helping me grow as a person through the situation.

My parents have let me travel the world without them since I was 15-years-old.  They want me to travel, understanding that the world is a big and unique place.  They've encouraged me to spend 6 months in London, and supported me when I wanted to go to Japan to help with the disaster relief efforts after the tsunami hit.  Even though the tsunami and issues Japan was having with the nuclear plants and radiation made my parents a little nervous, they knew I felt like I need to go and they trusted in God to keep me safe.

When I decided to move to Germany for 6 months, my parents let me make my own decision and told me it was a good, once in a life time oppurtunity.  When I decided it was best for me to come home from Germany 4 months early, my parents were once again in full support.  They welcomed me home with wide-open arms and picked me up from the airport.

Whenever my parents see an area I become interested in, they encourage me to persue my new interest.  If I enjoy a new hobby, they support me.  My dad, after all, is the one who surprised me when I was 13-years-old as he bought me my first SLR camera - seeming completely at random at the time.  I remember coming home from school, seeing a Nikon D50 on the table, and asking my dad, "Who's is that??"  He told me, "It's yours."  I don't even remember asking for a camera.  Asking him tonight why he bought the camera for me, he recalled realizing my growing interest in creating videos and thought I needed a better camera to help me out in the new hobby.  Little did he know how much photography would become part of my life!

And in college...Even when I change my major for the 3rd or 4th time, my parents always insist that they want me to major in what I love, what I'm passionate about, and what makes me happy.

My parents have accepted that I am living my life and am trying to live it to the fullest.  They've stuck with me through the good times, and the most trying times.  They even try to give me experiences that they possibly didn't have themselves as a child or young adult.

I just can't imagine having parents who don't accept me for who I am.  I can't imagine having parents who ignore me, or force me to do things I don't want to do, or who make me feel ugly and awful about myself.  I've been blessed with parents who are patient, kind, encouraging, accepting, and who have instilled that beauty runs much deeper than skin deep.  They've taught me to be proud of who I am, even through my differences.

My life could have been extremely different had I been born into a different, less supportive family...And I just want to thank my parents.

Thanks, mom and dad.  Thank you for being great, supportive, encouraging, and loving parents.  Thank you for being parents that I enjoy spending time with.  I hope that if I ever become married, and have children, that I am half as great as you two.

Thank you for giving me a home that I want to return home to at night.

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

Welcomed by the Youth

The last two Friday nights that I've been in Germany, I have been attending a youth night/Bible study.  The youth group meets once a week, every Friday.

Before I continue about my time in the youth group - let me define what they refer to as a youth group. The youth group at the specific church I am attending isn't just middle school thru high school ages.  The ages range from about 17 or so until about 20-something, maybe even early thirties.

The first Friday I went, I was very nervous.  Here I am, in a new culture, not knowing the language, or the people.  I didn't know anyone in the room - except the person who had just given me a ride, whom I had only spent about 10 minutes with at that point.  I was told that many people there knew English, but I didn't know who knew English, or how well.

I met one guy named Peter.  He talked to me for about five minutes and was very welcoming.  I guess he could tell that I was a bit nervous, as he asked me, "You're quite shy, aren't you?"  I told him, "Ummm...Sometimes."  He replied, "But I thought Americans weren't shy??"  Ha...I guess I proved that stereotype wrong!

Peter then took me to meet a few girls.  They were very kind and took it upon themselves to translate everything to me during the night. Announcements, the message, songs...You named it, they heard it in German and turned it into English.

At one point, one of the leaders (and brother of the people I live with), Hermann, was giving some announcements to the group.  While this part wasn't translated word for word, I knew he was sharing that there was an American in the group who only spoke English.  (AKA: Me.)  While introducing me, there was a moment I found to be awkward.  One of the guys in the group said something (in German, of course) that resulted in his whole row looking back at me and laughter being shared among people in the room.  I have no idea what was said.  I didn't think to ask for the translation because I was caught off-guard and felt a bit embarrassed...but at least some people got a good laugh...right??

During the service they also sang two songs in German, and one in English.  The first Friday was a great introduction to the group.  I met a few people and they were all very welcoming.

This last Friday, I went back once again.  The same girls helped me out again by spending time with me and translating their native language to mine.

During the message, the leaders had everyone break into about 7 groups.  Before I realized what was happening, people started counting off.  People who said the number "one" were part of group "one".  People who said the number "two" went with group "two".  However, I don't yet understand the numbers in German.  I've heard them before, but not enough to realize when people are counting.  The group was counting and saying their group number.  Then, it was my turn to say a number...but I was still clueless as to what was even taking place.  Once it hit my turn, I think I got the "deer in the headlights" look as I knew I was suppose to say something - but I didn't know what.  Thanks to my new friend for allowing me to follow her to her group!

The groups were all given the same challenge to discuss.  The challenge was to find something (an act of service) that each group can do for the church or the community within the next month.  My group spoke in English the whole time, with a little bit of German.  I insisted that they could speak in German, but one of the guys told me, "But speaking in English is cool!"

Each group had a piece of paper for our group to write down our act of service we wanted to do.  Our group came up with an act of service and they wrote down the names of each member of our small gathering.  When they got to my name, one of the guys asked me, "How do you describe your name?"

How do I describe my name?  What???  It took me a second, and then I realize what he was asking.  I responded, "Oh!  Do you mean how to I spell my name?"

For those of you who don't know much about the German alphabet (as I didn't know much about it either until recently), their alphabet is a little bit different.  There are a few more letters in it and the letters are pronounced differently.  Sadly, I couldn't remember how to pronounce all the letters the German way - but I did remember one important one.  The following was how the next conversation took place:

"I spell my name C-R-Y..." - Me
"Y?  Which letter is Y?" - German Guy
"I don't know...I don't remember..." - Another German Guy
"Oh!!  Sorry...I mean 'upsilon'!...Did I say that right??" - Me
"Yes!  You did!  Good job!" - My New Friend

While I couldn't remember the exact way to say each letter, I remembered 'upsilon'!  If you've ever attempted to learn another language, you know exactly how good it feels when you remember a word (or, in this case, a letter!) and get something right.  It's one of the greatest feelings of accomplishment.  It also gives the feeling and thought of, "I remembered something in German!  Yesssss!  Maybe I'll be okay here after all."

After each group finished filling out their paper of what they want to do in the next month, we turned the paper in and all gathered together for the rest of the service.  The leaders read off the different papers of the tasks everyone intends to do.  Some mentioned that they want to help the church janitor clean for a day, some want to help care for the church garden, others want to provide snacks for the Friday night youth service.  Our group decided to write notes of encouragement to members of the church who are currently in a time of discouragement and hardship.

As the leader was reading off all the different things people planned to do, she was reading them in German as my new friends translated for me.  Then, the leader switched to English and looked at me saying, "The next one is a surprise for Crystal.  One of the groups wants to sing a song for you in English."

The group went up to the stage.  The same leader who introduced me the week before, Hermann, was in this group, and he spoke saying something like, "We just wanted to let you know we are very glad and happy that you are in our youth group while you are here.  We want to sing a song for you and we hope you enjoy it."

The song wasn't one that I knew - but I liked it!  The song is called, "Heaven is a Wonderful Place".  The group sang the song and then invite everyone else to join them for the second round.  If you don't know the song - click here for a youtube (random) video of the song.

After the service was over, they had hotdogs for everyone to enjoy.  (Yum!)  As we ate our hotdogs we all chatted and some of us stayed to play games.

I got to the church around 8:00 pm.  I didn't leave until about 12:00 am.

I'm really looking forward to meeting more of the youth group this upcoming Friday, as well as getting better aquatinted with my new friends.

I have only gone to the youth group twice, but I look forward to going more than I can really express.  The youth of the church have really gone above and beyond in welcoming me to Germany.  Although I've told them I don't expect someone to translate for me every time, or for them to sing a song in English every week, so far they have.  Every time I have left the group, I leave feeling encouraged.  They have really included me and I am excited about making new friends.

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

A Busy Sunday

Today I had the opportunity to speak at two churches about my trip to London. The church I spoke at this morning was a local church in my hometown. The other church was in Bakersfield, about two hours from where I live.

It was a joy to be able to spend time with both churches and the people that attend them! I love being able to see people from other churches, meet new friends, hear their stories, etc, etc. If you attend either church: Thank you to all of you for your prayers, encouragement, and support - and thanks for having me! It was a joy to visit with you and I hope to see you around again soon. I can't wait until I return back from London and can tell you all about what God is doing in England. (Until then, I hope you are able to follow the journey through my blog!) :-)

Being in Bakersfield I had the honor of visiting with a friend and an OM prayer partner, Amberly. (She was also the Retreat Speaker this year for our California FWB Women's Retreat...I've said this before, but if you need a speaker, I highly recommend her!) Mom came with me so she could make the drive easier for my foot. We were able to visit with Amberly as well as meet one of her dear sweet friends and wonderful family. It was really nice to be able to catch up and to share some laughs together!

While in Bakersfield, after lunch with Amberly and her clan, an interesting situation occurred. I was standing outside Wal-Mart waiting for my mom to pull the car around to pick me up. (We had to park a ways away, and my foot was weary from walking.) Standing outside I noticed there was a guy running a booth. I'm not 100% sure what the booth was for, as I didn't go take a look. All I know is it had to do with Jesus and a mission.

As I was waiting for my mom I heard the man running the booth say to a woman, "May God bless you, ma'am!" Two seconds later I heard him say something like, "...No, not you! I was talking to the other lady! May God bless her!"

The comment definitely took me by surprise! I wasn't sure if I should laugh or be in shock...So I ended up doing a little bit of both. It is my prayer that God blesses both of the women he talked to today!

Oh, and if you've read my "Who am I?" page here on my blog, remember how I spent a year in Nashville, Tennessee, to go to the Free Will Baptist Bible College? Well, apparently the southern slang is still embedded in my mind and is mixing in my vocabulary. Here's where I admit: I used the phrase, "I'm fixin' to..." unintentionally tonight in my OM speech. Yes, I lived one year in Tennessee. Yes, I was born and raise in California...and have been home from Tennessee for a year and a half. I guess I embrace and cling to different cultures??

How did you spend your Sunday??

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

A Total God Thing

For the last two weeks I have been enjoying house sitting for a couple from our church. I can't even tell you how odd it was to have a house to myself for the first time in months...(Detail: Since June my sister, brother-in-law, and their pets, have living with my parents and I due to moving across the country from Nashville. With 5 adults under the same roof and some pets, it's a little busy in the household.)...not to mention sitting in complete silence without a TV or radio on, dogs barking, or people talking. Silence had become the unfamiliar stranger in my life.

As I was sitting in silence this morning working on a few things for (OM) Germany and London, the dog I have been spending time with at the house started barking at the door. Three people were walking up the pathway to the house (two women, one man).

When I stepped outside the three people greeted me with a smile. They introduced themselves and stated that they go to a local church here in town called "People's Church". (People's Church is the church our youth group went with to go to Mexico, and two family members of ours also attends the church.) They automatically assumed I was the lady they came to visit or their daughter, both of which were incorrect. I told them that they weren't home right now but they could come back another time next week when they would be available.

Before they left they asked, "Since we're here anyway, is there anything we can pray with you about?" I obviously knew that they were from a church out visiting people today, but this caught me off guard. I assumed they would of just said, "Ok, we'll try again another day."

I'm thinking that this was a total God thing. This morning when I awoke I was instantly stressed. I was stressed about fundraising for London, trying to get the last $5,700 in before December, and how to raise so much money so quickly. When asked, "Is there anything we can pray with you about?" London and my funds instantly came to mind.

Standing on the porch at someone else's house with three strangers I was able to share with them about my upcoming trip to London and what I'll be doing while I am there. I was also able to share with them the weight on my shoulders about trying to fundraise the big about of money in a short amount of time. Talking to them I was able to share that there many family emergencies and the main focus needed to be on my family throughout the last several months.

Then we prayed. Standing on the porch at someone else's house, with three other strangers, we held hands and prayed.

It was also a refreshing reminder when one lady said, "Nothing is too big for God."

As they were leaving I was able to give them my prayer card and a bio we wrote out for letters and churches. One person said that they might send me an email to be in touch soon.

Lately my life theme quote has been, "Where God guides, God provides!"...And today it hit me. This isn't just talking about the financial needs of God's guidance, but encouragement and prayer as well!! When I awoke today I was really stressing about the financial provision that I am in need of to be able to go to London. Within an hour of awaking God provided. He provided for the encouragement and need for prayer. I still have all of the $5,700 to raise, but God is providing and will continue to do so in all aspects that are needed with finances, prayer, and encouragement.

A total God thing? I think so!

The Travelin' Chick,

Crystal

Going Home

*This is a lengthy and slightly scattered entry...While it's long in words, it only briefly covers my thoughts, emotions, and only a fraction of the story.*

"You need to come home."

It's a phrase I remember all too well. I was in Japan a few weeks ago (helping with disaster relief work) when this was said to me. It was a phrase so unexpected - just as unexpected as the situation taking place at home.

Within 24 hours of landing in Japan I received a text from my mom telling me to call her as soon as possible. Knowing that phone calls and texts to and from Japan aren't the cheapest from the USA (even with a special plan), I knew something was wrong. Honestly, considering my dad's health this year, I figured it had to do with him. I assumed he was back in the hospital for a third time.

Once I got a hold of my mom back home in California I found out my theory was all wrong. Dad was okay. She was okay. This time around my sister and my niece were the ones who were in the hospital.

At this point my sister, Amanda, was about 22 weeks pregnant with my niece. Just a couple of weeks earlier we found out who my niece was. She was Ashley Elizabeth. Ashley would be my sister and brother-in-law's first daughter. Their first child. She would be my first niece, my parent’s first grandchild, and my grandparent’s first great-grandchild.

Now at 22 weeks within the womb, my sister found them sitting in the hospital being told the odds weren't good. The amniotic fluid was leaking. One more week is all they needed to increase the odds to better ones. Bed rest was a necessity and we would all know more in a few days.

In my mind I honestly thought, "Everything is going to be okay. God is in control. He'll take care of them. I'll make it home in about a week. Things will be okay and if she has to come early - I'll be home for Ashley's grand entrance into the world."

Stories and stories of God's care and miracles kept coming to my mind, encouraging me. I was worried, but praying about it I put it all in God's hands. Being in Japan I couldn't do anything about the situation other then pray and have my team members pray. Even if I had been home I still couldn't really of done anything more then what I was already doing.

A few days went by. During those few days a lot was accomplished. The team I was on in Japan took a night ferry from one island to another to get to the disaster-affected area. We got to where we were staying during our time volunteering. We met new friends with shovels in hand. We worked and we sweat. We laughed at silly moments (probably increased by jet lag). We cried for the Japanese and the destruction, horror, lose, and pain they have had to face in their lives and for the stories and memories they have to bear. (And again, there will be blogs about the whole trip and with the stories of the Japanese survivors.)

One day after several hours of bagging up rubble from where a house once stood we got back to the gym that was our temporary home. I hadn't looked at my phone all day. When I did I saw a missed call from my aunt and text messages saying to call her "ASAP". This is when I knew there must have been a drastic turn in events back home.

Calling her back she informed me that my sister had suddenly gotten an infection. An infection that sent her fever well above 100 degrees. The doctors made the call to induce labor. My niece’s arrival would more then likely occur within the next 24 hours. The odds weren't good at all. She had less then 1% chance to live. They still had her heart beat, but we wouldn't know anything until she was born.

In that moment as I sat in the gym on my sleeping mat, phone pressed against my ear, tears started to roll down my cheek. Other then the basics of the situation, all I remember my aunt heart-brokenly saying, "I am so sorry Crystal...I am so sorry." All I could really ask in reply was, "When will they know if she’ll make it? When will they know?" More then likely, we wouldn’t know for a few hours or until she was even born.

A few hours later the team was headed to the onsen on the bus, I got the call. My sister was still in labor but Ashley didn't make it. My sister would be giving birth to her beautiful daughter as a stillborn.

This was all so unexpected. The pain of losing my niece has caught me off guard. I had no idea it could hurt so much to lose a child that I never got to know. My heart was breaking, knowing I would never even get to hold her. Everything that could happen seemed to be happening to our family in the recent months. I was thousands of miles away as my family was being hit by one of the strongest storms we've had to go through together. Confusion hit me as I thought, "I thought God wanted me to come to Japan, but why would he want me here when my family needs me there? Why is all this happening - especially now?"

During the days in Japan I truly felt mostly okay. The work kept us busy. The laughter and silly moments kept me laughing. Our team kept me encouraged and prayed for my family often.

Nights were the worst for me. That’s when life slowed down. It’s when I was alone in my own little world and thought process. It’s when there was silence…Silence where my mind could wander back home, back to where I knew the pain and shock of the situation was devastating my family.

After working in Japan I ended up going home about two days early. I was leaving on a Monday and the visitation for Ashley was Tuesday. The service would be Wednesday.

Those few days were a blur. Leaving Japan I felt heartbroken. Every time I leave the wonderful country of Japan I feel as though I leave a little bit of my heart behind. Once on my plane I spent over 24 hours flying, arriving home in California before I ever left the country of Japan. (Yay for time differences!)

Tuesday came as my sister knocking on my door awaked me. Together we talked and we cried. She told me that I would, after all, still have a chance to hold Ashley if I wanted the chance. My sister and brother-in-law also asked me if I was willing to put a soft stuffed animal rattle I had bought Ashley in the coffin with her. “We would be honored if you chose to put it in with her, but we understand if you don’t.”

I knew I had to give her the toy and I was honored that they asked. When pulling down the bag of baby stuff mom and I had been collecting, to retrieve the item, I thought to myself, “This isn’t right. This isn’t supposed to be pulled down until her baby shower. This is suppose to be used in a time of celebration.”

Walking into the visitation room tears instantly trickled down all of our cheeks as the little pink coffin came into our vision. Instantly I couldn’t help but think, “No coffin should ever be that small.”

During the first 30 minutes or so of being in the room I couldn’t get myself to go past the back row of the chapel. As my family walked to the front crying and hugging one another, I sat in the first chair I saw - frozen. As a couple of family members tried to get me to go closer, I couldn’t move. I had no words to say. Eventually even my tears froze as I sat there taking it all in, not knowing what to think, do, say, or how to react.

There were many thoughts going through my mind that day. Reality was finally really hitting. Being in Japan and hearing what was happening, it hurt and I felt broken. But being home…Seeing the pain…Seeing the coffin…It really made it sink in as real even more then just hearing what was occurring. What I knew as broken before felt more like little cracks in comparison to what I was now feeling. (Kind of like Japan. It’s one thing to hear about the disaster and work that needs to be done. Pictures help to understand, videos really helped, but being there in person…hearing the stories…seeing their pain in their eyes…seeing the destruction and rubble…it’s a whole different ball park in comparison to just reading the papers and online news.)

As I watched my family from afar it felt unreal as a loving father took his precious 14-ounce daughter wrapped in pink out of the coffin they were to bury her in the next day. It felt unreal as her mother, my sister, gave her one last kiss on her little forehead and as great-grandparents held her for the first and last time (as they, like me, were out of town when all this took place).

Up until this point I didn’t know if I would hold her or not. In fact, I still hadn’t even gone up to look at her yet. This wasn’t due to a lack of desire – believe me. The desire was all there. The strength is what I feared I lacked.

When I realized it they were getting ready to put her back into the coffin for the last time, I jumped up realizing this was my last chance. This was my last chance to see her…to hold her…This was my last chance to create my first and last memory with her as she was out of the womb.

As they handed her to me she felt so light. Tears started to pour out of my eyes and down my face. I remember family surrounding us. I remember my mom saying, “Look at her little hand…” as she uncovered it from the blanket she was wrapped in so snuggly. She had five little fingers and a cute little nose. She was beautiful.

When putting her into the coffin for the last time she was given a little tiny Bible by her little hands. We also placed in a stuffed animal rattle that I had purchased in excitement for a future baby shower. Also with her I put in a little bib I had just purchased a couple of weeks before that said, “My heart belongs to my aunt.”

The next day we drove to the cemetery. As we got out of are cars, we saw other family members and friends standing under a tarp all dressed in black. We were guided to our seats where the service would take place. We heard a preacher speak and two beautiful songs, including, “Jesus Loves Me”. Before I knew it the service was over and it was time to lower Ashley into the ground. As my tears once more flowed down my cheek, my cousin Brett held me while shedding his own tears.

The last month has been an emotional roller coaster for all of us. We’ve all experienced some kind of anger, happiness, bitterness, sadness, and times of laughter. Many thoughts have run through all of our heads about all the situations surrounding our family. A month after all this has occurred I still feel the urge to run to Babies ‘R Us or Carter’s to buy a cute little pink frilly baby dress for my niece. Instead, I remember we all had to purchase black funeral ones for ourselves in mourning and sadness.

Everyday is different in our house. Some days are easier, some are harder. We all always think about Ashley. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about her. I think about the memories that should have been made. I think about the ones that one-day will be made when we meet face to face and can hold a conversation. I think of her in her new body soaring on the wings of angels and being held by our Heavenly Father.

I’ve been battling the question, “Am I still considered an aunt??” It’s taken a while for me to figure out if I still am considered one until recently. When people ask me if I am an aunt, or if I have any nieces or nephews, my answer will always be “Yes!” without question. Ashley is as much part of our family and lives as anyone else with our shared DNA. My love for her started from the moment we knew she was in existence – before we ever even knew she was an “Ashley”. While she may not be with us physically anymore, she is always in our thoughts and hearts as our love for her always lives inside us.

Hey Ashley - I love you. And I am NOT afraid to say it!

The Travelin' Chick,

Crystal