God-Sized Dreams: Sharing the Stage with Natalie Grant

Around 8 years ago, I went to an event called The Revolve Tour, which was a Christian teen girl event.   I remember loving every second of that weekend event, but was extra excited about my all-time favorite singer, Natalie Grant, being there.

About 8 years ago at the Revolve Tour.
#BeforeTheDaysOfSelfies

Not only did Natalie sing, but she also shared a bit of her testimony.  She shared about her struggles with bulimia, but also about Christ's love that reminded her of her worth and beauty.  Sitting just three rows from the stage, I remember thinking to myself, "That's what I want to do.  I want to be a speaker and help impact lives for Christ."  Yet, just as quickly as that thought came into my mind, I told myself, "But...I don't have a story to tell."

And bam.  After that one simple thought, I forgot all about my 3-second-long calling.  Because, you know...I didn't have a story to tell, which also meant that I didn't have anything to say.

Fast forward about 5 years.

Long story short: It took a while, but I've learned I do have a story to tell.  Even without my photo going viral (due to a facial birthmark - a port wine stain), I had a story to tell just by being born the way I was born.  In the last few years, I have rediscovered my desire to be a speaker as well as my desire to write several books.  

When people first meet me, it doesn't take long for them to realize that I'm a dreamer.  But more specifically?  I'm a God-sized dreamer.  ('Cause hey, guys, with God, anything is possible.)

I started a God-sized dream board soon after my photo went viral.  When my photo went viral, I struggled.  I was discouraged, hurt, frustrated, while feeling both incredibly isolated and misunderstood.  There were days where I would feel and know in the depths of my soul, "God is going to do something great with this mess of a situation!"  But, there were those days where the darkness would take over, filled with pain and discouragement, "God, I'm hurting.  How can you do anything beautiful with what's taking place?  Why would I even be worth of you doing something great with this?"

Although I strived to see the beauty around me, to see the positive of the situation, my heart felt as though it had been trampled upon and deeply bruised.  And each time I found a new share of my image, or I sat and read thousands of comments for hours-on-end?  Ouch.  There went another stampede, adding an extra layer of unsettled dust and pain.

About 8 years ago at the Revolve Tour.

Thankfully, every time I had had a bad day, God placed someone in my life who would call, text, or email me, "Crystal - I just know God is going to do something wonderful with your story!"...And the thing is, on the really bad days - I kept quiet, not wanting to burden anyone with my ongoing pain.  Those people who called or sent me a text?  I didn't tell them, nor anyone else, that my heart was tearing in extreme agony that specific day.

Eventually, I got tired of the pity days.  I got tired of the discouragement, I got tired feeling so  tempted on focusing on the negative aspects of what was taking place.  I didn't like the person that my pain was turning me into.  In the depth of my heart, I knew God had a plan.  In my heart, I knew something amazing would happen with my story - I just had to hold on for the ride, and stay willing.

Once I set my new attitude, I made a decision - it was time to make a God-sized dream board.  I knew I had goals and dreams...And really big ones at that.  So, I made my vision board full of my God-sized dreams, keeping it in a place where I would be reminded of the ultimate goal every. single. day...Because here's the deal...Reminding yourself of the goal of what you feel called to do, what you know you can do...Well, those pity days full of discouraging thoughts have nothing on the purpose God had (and still has) for my life.

There were many things I put on my God-sized dream board:

• Speak for Women of Faith.
• Be a full-time speaker and writer.
• Encourage others with my story on Focus on the Family.
• Share my story on K-love.
• Do a TED talk.
• Speak at Winter Jam.
• Speak at a Youth Camp.
• Write my book.

Those were just a few of my dreams.   Realistically, though, there isn't a board big enough in this world with enough room for all my dreams.  However, the first one I put on my board?  Share the stage with Natalie Grant.

Friday morning, my mother and I were driving to an event in Sacramento (3 hours from my home).  I had heard of the event, Dare to Be (put together by Charlotte Gambill and Natalie Grant), for the last three years and had been craving to attend.  Needless to say, I was excited to finally have that opportunity!

As we were driving, we were talking about my God-sized dream board.  My mother asked me, "So...What exactly does your dream, 'share the stage with Natalie Grant' mean to you?'"  I paused to reflect and then explained, "She was the speaker at the event when I first felt the calling to be a speaker, to be a story-teller for God.  She inspired me and impacted my life.  Had it been another speaker on that stage, I would have put their name down on my board - but it was Natalie."  Without knowing, 8 years ago, Natalie deeply impacted my 16-year-old heart.

...And then Friday night's event started.  Natalie sang a few songs and Charlotte Gambill spoke to the group about being known by God.  (If you've never heard Charolette speak - oh man.  You. Are. Missing. Out.  That girl's heart and words are clearly on fire for God.)

Shortly after an intermission, Natalie started to sing her new song Be One.  If you watched the video above this entry, that's the song...Talking about how it's time to be one for someone...That it's time for us to get all of "our hands dirty".  After all, why should be be "sitting around waiting for a miracle to come when we can be one"??   If you didn't listen to the song, I highly recommend that you go back and listen before you continue reading.  (In fact, I actually recommend buying her whole album.  Every single song is incredibly power, holding a 5 star rating on my iTunes account.)

Moments after she finished the song, Charlotte came back on the stage and said something along the lines of, "this is my favorite part of the night", as they choose to honor someone at every Dare to Be event.

Natalie started speaking, and some of it is a blur to me.  But I do remember her saying, "I recently first connected with the young lady we want to honor tonight on Twitter.  I saw a tweet she sent me, and something about her story intrigued me.  She doesn't know this, but I then totally started social media stalking her.  When I found out she was going to be at this event, that she lived here - I thought it would be pretty cool to honor her - and she has no idea that we're doing this tonight.  So, I want to tell you a little bit about her story..."  And the rest, my mom caught on video:

Oh. My. Word.  Guys...God-sized dreams DO come true...And apparently, God-sized dreams sometimes come with an unexpected standing ovation from about 1,000 strangers and beautiful flowers.  Also, I've learned that I have many of you to thank.  Many of you received a message from my mom on Facebook asking you to nominate me for them to honor at this event, and you did.  Natalie told me I've "been one" for many, but really, many of you have "been one" for me...Although my words feel meek in comparison to what I actually feel, I want to thank you.  You'll never know how much this has meant to me, and how much I appreciate what you have done on my behalf...You'll never fully know much I appreciate you.  

*Insert Heart Emoticon Here*

Ironically, I was hoping Natalie would be doing a book signing after the event, wondering if she even remembered me from my YouTube video she saw in October.  When I finally realized she was talking about me, before she said my name, my heart started to pound while tears started to magnetize to my eyes, and they did so once again as I stood up on the stage with her.  My God-sized dream was coming true!!...Yet, even though I almost did cry, the tears contained themselves within my eyes.  I was on emotion overload, with so many thoughts and emotions flying through my mind.  The whole thing felt, and still feels, like a dream.  Spending a few minutes on stage with Natalie, as we talked, I felt so much love from her and Charlotte (I felt like we were such kindred spirits), as well as from everyone in the room.  Two days later, I'm still a bit overwhelmed, still processing the whole event.

Between my God-sized dream coming true, now knowing Natalie occasionally "social media stalks me" and she "can't wait" to read my book, plus knowing so many of my friends sent in nominations...My heart is so full. Full of love, appreciation, and joy.  Two days later, like I mentioned above, I'm still processing everything.  I'm still speechless.  (For the last two days, my eyes have also followed the "being full" trend...Becoming so full at times that happy tears have overflowed to my cheeks.)  

After the event was over, a woman came up to me and told me, "I knew God had me come here for a reason tonight, if only to hear your story.  I have a family member who has a port wine stain birthmark over her whole body, as well as having both Sturge Weber Syndrome (SWS)  and Klippel Trenaunay Syndrome (KTS).  She's struggling, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.  I knew I had to come talk to you."  Wow.  Apparently there were multiple intentions in God's plan for my being on the stage and Natalie sharing a portion of my story at at Dare to Be.

And another cool thing?  While I have many dreams, I had three initial dreams:

1. Make a professional video about my story.

2. Share the stage with Natalie Grant.

3. Go to the publicity summit in New York City.

Read bottom to top.

...And now, here I am, seeing those three initial dreams begin to intertwine together.  I took that first step - I made that video.  Natalie just happened to find it on Twitter back in October, tweeting me bits of encouragement.  Then, I applied for the New York event and was one of the 100 people accepted to attend.  And once I found out Dare to be was coming to California?  I knew I was going to go...And once Natalie found out I was coming, we shared the stage together...Resulting in her and Charlotte literally supporting my New York dream.  (Side note: Natalie and Charlotte - if you're reading this, thank you for your encouragement and support Friday night, and for your sweet gifts...And thank you for creating a chance for my God-sized dream to become into a God-sized reality.  Once again, I can't fully express my thanks in just a few words.)

You know you're following the right dreams when they eventually intertwine seamlessly together.  I've felt like I've been following the right dreams, but it's encouraging to see how they work together, confirming I'm on the right track and in tune to what God has called me to do.

After the event, it hit me.  My God-sized dream board?  I've actually been limiting my dreaming ability, too afraid to put my full dreams down on paper.

Sharing the stage with Natalie would have been wonderful experience, no matter the capacity, but I know my dreams go much deeper than that...I was just too afraid and intimated by my own dreams. "Part one" of my dream?  Share the stage with her, the woman who inspired me as a teenager...The woman who was speaking when I felt God working on my heart to become who He has called me to be - a speaker and a writer.  But ultimately? My dream is to connect with her, build a friendship, combine ministries, and do an event with her.  And when my book is complete?  I'd love for her to write the forward.  (Book update: two chapters down, about eight more to go!)  THAT'S my full God-sized dream.  But, you have to start somewhere, right?  Baby steps my friends, baby steps.

While I struggle for the words,
 my "Nashville mom", Lynette,
explained perfectly what Friday
night's events felt like.

I don't know where you are in life right now.  Maybe you're in a low valley, feeling as though your life filled with pollution that blocks the blue skies, as you feel you're breathing in that smoggy, dirty air.  Or, maybe you're on the mountain top with crisp, fresh air and a beautiful view.  Wherever you're at in life, please dare to dream.  Dreams DO come true, no matter how big or small you feel they may be.  Make a God-sized dream board so you can be reminded of the big picture in your life, which will help push any darkness away that tries to smother you down in that valley.  What ever you set your mind to can happen.  God knows you.  He knows your heart, your intentions.  If you keep your heart and mind open to whatever ride God has in store for you, He will get you through any storm - and then some.

Also, can I recommend to you to find a good tribe of people, a good "squad" (as Taylor swift calls it) of friends who uplift you?  Friends who push you to be your very best, who hold you accountable, and those who want to see you succeed?  Friends who dare you to dream the biggest dreams you can think of, friends who help your God-sized dreams come true?  You need people in your life who help keep you focused on what you're called to do, friends who call you out when you're headed down a dangerous path, such as my friends did during my angry and self-pity days.

Those are the best kinds of friends, and we all need and deserve them in our lives.  You deserve friends who dare you to be your very best, who encourage you in all that you do...Reminding you to keep Christ in the center at all times.  If you don't have a group of friends like that in your life, find them.  They're out there.

The God-Sized Dreamin' and Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

PS: Please check the website for Dare to Be.  If there is an event near your city, you need to attend!  My mom didn't know what to expect, but as we left she told me, "Wow.  Next time we need to bring a whole group here."

It's just a screen shot from the video, but man...I love this photo.

"Your world is in the hands of the King of the world." - Charlotte Gambill

Adulting, Boys, and Pity Parties (#HavePatience)

I've never been one for pity parties.  Yet, recently, that's exactly where I found myself...Pity party for one, anybody?

Sometimes growing up can be hard.  (Can I still say that at 24?)  Legally I've been an adult for six years now, but as time goes on,  I see my friends all growing up in different, anticipated, and expected ways.  Some are moving out of their parent's homes.  Some are in new or serious relationships, getting married and having children.  Others are working in a financially secure jobs - with benefits.  There are a few that I know that are doing well in all three departments, plus many other areas in life.

If you're a long-time reader of my blog, you know a few things about me: I'm 24, I still live with my parents, and I've (still) never been on a date.  I've (still) never had a boyfriend.  And while, I am employed by a wonderful nonprofit that I love working for (the Vascular Birthmarks Foundation), I am part-time don't yet earn enough to live on my own.

By the standards of many, I'm behind.  Or maybe I should say I'm behind by the standards I've set for myself...Maybe both.

A few weeks ago I had different discussions with three of my dearest friends.  They all (now) have boyfriends, they are now moving or have moved out of their parent's homes. I am SO excited for them and I am so glad that they are accomplishing so much.  I celebrate for and with them!!...Yet, I sat there during these discussions, unable to fully relate.  I sat there, wondering, "When will I be able to move out on my own?  When will I have the joys of being in a relationship?"

Told ya.  Pity Party.  I know, envy isn't my best quality.  (And trust me, my moments of jealousy aren't something I'm proud of, and would have been much easier to hide.  However, I feel like there must be someone else out there who can relate.  Someone else who can be encouraged knowing that they are not alone.)

Soon after, I expressed my frustrations(?) to one of my close friends...All while probably sounding completely desperate, which is also not normally like me...But hey, if we're on this honesty train...Choo choo, y'all.

And then the irony happened.

I'm not usually the girl guys flirt with, or the one they show interest in.  Usually I'm the one on the sidelines, eating popcorn, watching all my friends in that role.  Then again, my friends have told me many times that I'm just blind in that aspect of life.

But then it happened: A guy showed interest.  Actually, strike that.  Within just a day or two after my venting session, TWO guys showed interest.

----

Who doesn't need this reminder?

Scene 1, Guy 1:  I reconnected with one of my friend's friends.  Actually, I was standing in the post office for 20 minutes while waiting for their custodian to help me save my phone...Which I very gracefully dropped between a counter (which was bolted down) and the wall.  And then walks in my friend's friend (let's call him Miles) with his sweet grandpa.  Miles eventually helped the custodian help me, and I was reunited with my phone at last!

Later Miles and I were texting...And I got awkward.

Miles: My grandpa told me you seem like a very cute girl.  I have to say that I agree.
Me: Shut up.  You're being ridiculous.

WHAT...?!!?  I told him to SHUT UP??  Who says that?  Oh, yeah...I do. (#SMH)

FYI: Don't forget about Miles.  We'll come back to him in a minute.

----

Scene 2, Guy 2:  I went out with some friends.  There was a live band, and we ate pizza.  Some people were dancing.  I was sitting, hanging out with my friends.  Then, I noticed a guy trying to get my attention.  Although, at first I was certain he was trying to get the attention of my friend - but he wasn't.  So, I went to him to see what he wanted.

Guy: Why aren't you dancing?
Me: I don't dance.
Guy: Come on, let's dance!
Me: No, really.  I don't dance.  I'm kinda boring like that.
Guy: *Walks Away*

Once again...WHAT?!!??   I'm boring??  Where do I come up with these ridiculous responses?  (#Reason4509ImStillSingle)

For the love!...I've lived in London,  gone viral on Facebook, and am writing a book.  Why did I tell him I was boring?  I nearly decided to chase him down later to tell him, "I told you I was boring - but I'm not.  I think your good-looks distracted me and somehow cut that important wire between my mouth and brain.  So sorry...Can I tell you about the time I was pooped on by a dolphin??"

----

In the midst of this, Miles told me he was interested in me.  Actually, he told me he was "intrigued" by me - and sent me a sweet list of the reasons why.  He started to text me on a daily basis, consistently in pursuit.  Yet, I took his words with caution, knowing we had to be strictly friends and nothing more.

There's that rule that every girl should have a list of requirements she wants in a guy...A list she won't budge on.  Mine is short and sweet and has been rather consistent since the age of 16.  My top four requirements?

1. He must be a Christian, striving his best to follow God.
2. He must respect my decision to stay sexually pure until marriage.
3. He must have an interest in missions.
4. He must respect his parents.

Miles isn't a Christian - and that's not negotiable if you want to date me.

And here's the thing...I learned some important lessons through my life's recent, ironic moments.

Lesson one?  I'd rather be single with no one showing romantic interest in me than single and having non-Christians showing interest in me.  You don't know what you're missing when you don't have it.  I've lived 24 years without a guy spending time pursuing me (unless I've been blind in past situations, which is highly possible), but now I've had a taste of what that could be and feel like.  I'd rather stay single, without anyone in pursuit of my heart - unless he's a Christ-follower.

This year I'm writing that book.
I'm learning to play the piano.
I'm getting that AA degree.
I'm chasing those God-sized dreams.

Also, for various reasons, I've learned I have a wall around my heart that I need to start tearing down.  Yes, I need to guard my heart...After all, if I don't, who will?   But I can take down the spiked barbed-wire that pokes out, discouraging someone from trying to reach my heart.  I've always said I was willing to date if the right guy came along, but I don't think I was as willing as I thought I was at the time.  I'm pretty sure my heart not only had a wall with pokey barbed wire, but it also had an alarm system and guard dogs as a companion.

The most freeing lesson of them all?  I may not be moving out yet, have a "Facebook official" boyfriend (nor a non Facebook official boyfriend), or financially sufficient enough.  But...I am writing a book with different publishers interested.  I am pursuing my dreams.  We're all adulting in different ways - and we don't have to fit the mold, going at the same speed (or route) as everyone else.  It's okay to write that book before you move out of your parents house.  It's okay to live overseas with a mission organization for 6 months before getting that college degree.  You're not required to follow a specific list to live your life.  It's okay to do things differently!

Make 2016 your year, whatever that may look like.  Write that book, record that album.  Move out of your parent's home, ask the girl out.  Get your passport, sign up for college classes, or apply for that job.  Dare to dream your own dreams, and take the steps to get where you want to be.  There is no specific order we have to go by to grow-up and adult.  Go buy yourself some Nike shoes and, "Just Do It".

Take those chances and live the life God has called you to live.

The Travelin' and Adulting Chick,
Crystal

You're a Walking Audiobook

Being born with a facial difference, I find myself in more interesting situations than normal - or at least, that's what I've been told by several family members and friends each time I share a new story.   About two or three years ago I found myself in one of my usual situation.  There were the typical rounds of staring, followed by the typical, awkward dialogue.

My mother, sister, and I were on one of our mother-daughter trips in Los Angles.  Since no mother-daughter trip is fully complete without some shopping, we decided to head to a mall near our hotel.

Before we fully stepped into one of the jewelry stores, the staring had already begun...This time by the store clerk.  As something shiny caught the eyes of both my sister and I, we found ourselves standing in front of one of the jewelry cases.  It only took seconds before the lady walked out from behind the counter and stood right next to me, briefly glancing at my sister to ask her if she could pull anything out for her to look at, quickly glancing back at me as she continued her staring.

I don't remember us trying anything on in that store that day (which is a rarity for three women in a jewelry store), but I do remember that lady never leaving my side - nor her wide-eyes ever leaving my face.  Eventually, as her eyes widened even more and her face broke my American comfort zone of personal space, and this is how the conversation took place...

Store Clerk: "What happened to your face??!?"
Me: "Oh, it's just a birthmark.  I was born with it."  (As I finished my statement and the lady's gawking continued, our mother-daughter trio picked up on each other's cues that it was time to leave.)
Store Clerk (still with her face just inches away from mine): "Ohhhhhhh...That must be an interesting story to tell!"
Me (while walking out the door): "Uh-huh...I guess so...Have a great night..."

Depending on the story and how the curious person treats me, combined with my internal dialogue's  witty sarcasm, I often walk away from situations telling my friends, "This is how I responded to the person...but this is how I wanted to respond!"

To replay my last response, this is how I responded: "Uh-huh...I guess so...Have a great night."

Yet, in that moment, when she told me, "...that must be an interesting story to tell", this is how I wanted to respond, "Yeah, sure.  It is super interesting.  I was born...the end."

Just to re-emphasis -  my internal, sarcastic responses aren't usually a 2 for 1 type of deal: "Share a comment or question about my birthmark, get sarcasm free!"  My sarcastic, internal dialogue is only reserved for very special experiences, such as ones like the one I've mentioned in this entry...ones that uncomfortably make me feel like a zoo animal on display.  As odd as it may sound to some, sarcasm and humor have been one of my many coping mechanisms when I find myself in hurtful situations in regards to my facial difference - and I keep my internal response (at least, until I'm away from a situation) to myself as I process the experience.

About a year ago I started to remember my high school years and having the opportunity to attend an amazing event called The Revolve Tour.  To summarize: The Revolve Tour  is/was a teen girl edition of Women of Faith (I think this event is no longer running).  During this two day even there were many different music artists performing, as well as many inspirational speakers.  Some of the performers and speakers that were a part of my two years attending this event were: Tammy Trent, Hawk Nelson, Group 1 Crew, Natalie Grant, Chad Eastham, and Jenna Lucado Bishop.  (There were more presenters than that, but those are the ones I remember most.)

Natalie Grant has always been a favorite music artist of mine and going to an event where she was singing and speaking was such a highlight of my high school years - and I got to do it TWICE.  While I had always known about her amazing musical talents, it wasn't until these events that I had the chance to hear her incredibly testimony...A testimony where she struggled to fulfill her desire to feel beautiful (starting after her boyfriend at the time made a comment about a woman pictured on a magazine), finding bulimia as her companion during her search of self-acceptance.  Finally, she found herself in a moment of realization that she shared with The 700 Club, "...I’ve never heard God speak audibly but the Holy Spirit speaks to us on the inside, and it’s like I felt him saying ‘My grace is enough. My grace is enough.’ And that Scripture began to transfer from my head to my heart. I remember looking at that toilet and going, 'I am kneeling to the wrong God. I’m kneeling to this god of myself because this is what I do to make myself feel better and to feel accepted, and to look a certain way'..."

After my second time attending this event, I left feeling inspired in more ways then one.  The variety of music was amazing and each testimony gave me goosebumps.  Yet in the midst of all this, after attending this event twice and hearing Natalie Grant's story, around the age of 16 I found myself thinking, "This is what I want to do.  I want to be a speaker, just like Tammy Trent and Natalie Grant."  Then, my thoughts continued, "...But I don't have a story to tell."  Before I realized it, my new-found dream was forgotten and buried with self doubt.

Although I do still keep my internal dialogue's sarcastic responses system on-call for special situations, I've come a long way since this interaction with this store clerk.  When the situation in that Los Angle store occurred, I was open about my birthmark and happy to answer any questions that came my way - but I wasn't nearly as excited about those opportunities as I am now.  At the time, I didn't see the beauty in the opportunities that I had when people verbally expressed their confusion or discomfort with me unique feature.  Throughout the last couple of years a lot has happened in my life and God has been doing a lot of work in both my life and heart.  He's helped me realize that although the way the lady treated me and her tone of voice were not okay, in the end, the lady's words were right.  I do have an interesting story to tell...It's probably just not one that she would expect in response to her question, "What happened to your face??!?"

Children who see my face for the first time will often ask me, "Did you color your face with...MARKERS?!??"  They become incredibly disappointed when I explain that I didn't, and that it's just a birthmark.  Yet, maybe their first assumption is actually correct.  (Bare with me!)

Maybe, in a sense, my birthmark is like a marker...Like a highlighter to a page, my birthmark is permanently drawing attention to my face.  Like many eyes that are drawn to read a highlighted line in a book, many people stop and ask me about my permanently, purple tone, highlighting the left side of my face.  I'm asked many question, often being asked my story in a roundabout way.  I guess I'm the equivalent to being a highlighted, living audiobook - but the main story goes so much deeper than the walking, audiobook cover that the world sees.  The main story within my chapters is not nearly as much about me as it is about Christ and the unconditional love that He holds for me - and anyone who is willing to accept the gift He has to offer the world.

As I continue to grow in Christ every day, I continue to dream new dreams - literally and figuratively.  Last night, for example, I had a dream where I was in some kind of meeting with a bunch of people, including Toby Mac​.  After telling him something along the lines of, "I enjoy the status updates you post on Facebook", he and I somehow ended up in an in-depth conversation talking about our dreams and stories.  In addition, in the last two months I've had at least 7 dreams (no, I'm not kidding) where, each time, I have the honor of somehow bumping into Natalie Grant​.  Each meeting resulting with me asking her, "Can I share my story - my testimony - with you?"  Each time she joyfully tells me that she'd love to chat as we go and sit down at a local Jamba Juice (or something) to talk.

I really have no idea where this Toby Mac dream came from (maybe because his song, "Beyond Me" has become one of my life theme-songs lately?).  However, now that I'm chasing after my temporarily forgotten dream of being a speaker, new God-sized dreams have been forming in my heart during the last year or so.

This was taken at one of the Revolve Tours
where I had the opportunity to meet Natalie Grant.

One of my "God-sized dreams" includes being able to re-meet Natalie Grant, have the ability to tell her the impact she has had in my life while telling her what God is doing in and with my life since her influence first took root in my heart, and to share the stage with her.  Lately I have literally been dreaming about my dreams - and each time they feel so incredibly real. I don't know if all these dreams are just my brain's way of helping me keep my dream alive, telling me, "this dream means something to you", or if it's God's way of saying, "Keep striving/praying for this dream I've put in front of you - it's there for a reason!!"  (I've also always dreamt about speaking for the Revolve Tour or for the Women of Faith conference - since the Revolve Tour is no longer running.)

Although she doesn't know it (yet), by following God's guidance and by sharing her story with a stadium filled with thousands of teen girls, God was able to use Natalie's words to inspire me to dream a dream that is becoming a part of my reality several years later.  Just the thought of being able to share the stage and work along side someone who helped inspire me in such a powerful way just brings me such joy - especially since both of us have chapter in our stories with the common theme of true beauty.  One day I hope to have the chance to inspire someone else to dream, just like she inspired me.

I have a lengthy list of God-sized dreams and I'm going to keep praying and dreaming new dreams...Because with God, they have an endless potential of becoming a reality.  And whether they stay a God-sized dream or if they become a God-sized reality, I will never let self doubt bury my dream, or more importantly, my story, ever again. Not only did God give me a story to tell just by being born with my purple, highlighted, left cheek, He gave me an even greater story to tell just by loving me.  He made me an a living audiobook.

We're all walking audiobooks.  Whether it be through your words or actions, what story do you tell others?....What story do you want to tell?  What dreams do you want to become a reality?

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

Through the Broken Pieces I Shine

Can I just say it's tricky and confusing sometimes to have both a hurt ankle in a cast/boot AND a purplish facial birthmark??

Let me explain.

Currently I'm in a walking boot and have been on and off crutches for a few months.  Last month I was leading a seminar at a youth camp and at some point during camp a junior high student asked me, "What happened to you??"  I told him, "Oh, I just hurt my ankle.  I kind of broke it a little."  The kid looked SO confused...And then I realized he was asking about my face.

For a few moments I totally forgot about my birthmark.

I find the story to be funny, but truthfully: it was a good feeling to realize I had forgotten about it.

A couple of weeks before this took place, someone else asked me the same question.  That time I automatically assumed they were talking about my face, I told them, "Oh, it's just a birthmark."  The person looked at me with, yet another, scrunched up forehead and responded, "No...I mean, what happened to your ankle??"

In the past I often forgot about my birthmark until someone reminded me with their stares or comments, or unless I looked into the mirror and saw it.  I rarely put much thought into my difference until I am put into situations that give me no choice but to think about it.  Even then I'd laugh through many situations, tell the story a few times, possibly blog about it, and then forget.  However, since my picture went viral unintentionally with the text "1 like = beautiful", I have constantly remembered my birthmark.  It has been impossible to forget it during the last 6 months or so.

I don't know why my picture going viral has affected me the way it has, affecting me more than the almost-daily experiences I have in my real life, versus my digital one.  I'm still trying to figure that out.  Maybe it's because for once, I actually and literally saw myself through someone else's eyes through a form of a meme - or, at least, my interpretation of how I thought the meme creator saw me...Not to mention the 20,000+ comments from strangers that I read from around the world.  I'm guessing that seeing myself through 20,000+ eyes in one go added up and impacted me more than I anticipated, even if I pretended that it didn't.  Until this had happened I never realized how different I must truly look to the outside world.

You see, I've always known I was different - but for the first time I felt different...and it didn't feel very good.  For the first time I felt truly uncomfortable in my own skin, catching myself looking down towards the ground more than I care to admit in response to my temporarily depleted source of confidence.

Forgetting about my facial difference was like a fresh breath of air.  It was nice to forget about my birthmark because that made me realize that I'm finally healing from the whole ordeal and from the painful emotions I've gone through since.  Although 6 months have passed, I can't deny that I'm still affected.

I still hurt, but the pain isn't as sharp as it once was.  I still have things I need to work through, but I've been making progress.  Through this experience, I've questioned many things I've never questioned before - some things that are good to question, others are questions I've never wanted to ask and never thought I would...yet, slowly but surely, I'm finding and discovering much needed answers.  I've been broken, but with the help of friends, family, and God, I'm being put back together again.

Last week I read a quote on Pinterest that is currently on my top 10 of my favorite quotes:

"It's okay to be a glow stick.  Sometimes we need to break before we shine." - Author Unknown

In the midst of this breaking experience I received many encouraging emails and comments.  One that has really stuck with me.  I can't remember who said it to me, but paraphrasing what they said, they basically  told me that it's okay to be broken.  When we're broken, God's light often shows through the cracks even brighter than before, and that's a beautiful thing.

I've been broken.  Let's face it - I was shattered, crying the "ugly cry" more times in 6 months than I had cried in all my life...But you know what??  God is good.  God is a healer.  He has given and shown me a source of strength I never knew I had.  God has even provided more encouragement support than I could have ever anticipated from family, friends, and strangers around the world (seriously, I've been in awe).

God has continuously reminded me of my worth, even when my human perception of that hasn't been clear on what my worth is in those darkest of moments.  He even gave my friend a song for me, helping me see myself through my Father's eyes again when my vision went blurry and I struggled to only see myself through the eyes of thousands of strangers who don't even know me.  (I'm sure that's one of my most played iTune tracks as of yet!)

But on top of all that??  God has also provided opportunities to tell my story and it's evident that He has even more up His sleeve - that this is just the beginning!!  I've had chances to speak at a youth camp (which was one of my God-sized dreams!), write for magazines, and I'm even headed to Chicago in April in hopes of using my story for His glory. He's been able to use my story of brokenness to shine through to others to remind them of their true worth, their true value.

I realize I wrote my initial entry about the incident months ago, and that was basically all I've published here on my blog since late August.  Some of you may be thinking, "It's about time you wrote an update on this situation here on your blog!" During the last several months I tried to write something, but I couldn't.  I can't even tell you how many drafts I started but didn't get past a paragraph, let along a sentence or two.

Truthfully, I actually had many moments where I came extremely close to deleting my blog and all forms of social media I had ever signed up for, but didn't thanks to the encouragement of some mentors.  I also realized that if I were to do that, my main platform in which I could tell my story would be gone.  Not only that, but if I deleted my blog, Facebook, and Twitter, the situation and what happened wouldn't disappear.  I would only be ignoring and hiding from it, and nothing good would ever come from that.

Looking back, I think I just needed some distance from the situation before I publicly tackled it more in-depth, beyond the first entry and other entries that touched on my thankfulness for the support people have offered and given.  I needed distance because I needed to have a better glimpse at the puzzle God was putting together, to see a small glimpse of the beauty He had in store...To see how He would shine through the brokenness.  At this point I know I've only seen a glimpse of the picture He's putting together with the puzzle pieces,  I just have no idea how He plans to put it together or what the full timeline looks like.  And that's okay.

Being broken usually isn't the most desired experience.  It's hard.  It's messy.  It typically involves a lot of pain and tears.  Sometimes, though, when you gain some distance from a situation and when you stay willing to be used (even in the moments when you feel too broken to be used), being broken can be one of the most beautiful experiences with the most beautiful, unexpected, results.

And you know what?  Now that I've gained some distance and have looked down the road, I realize that although I've had many opportunities, in the midst of all the chaos and doubt, I never desired to be in anyone else.  I never thought, "If only I had a 'normal' face, life would be better!!"  I never regretted God's allowance of my unique feature.  I may have gone through some great times of darkness and questioning, but God never let me go there.  I never doubted the way that I was born, I never doubted that this is who I am suppose to be...and that's pretty cool.

The exciting part of it all??  I know I have only seen a glimpse of what God has in store.  Deep down, I know there are more beautiful things to come, but all I really want to do is shine for Him.

Even through the pain, I'm thankful that he has picked me to play a part in this story. I'm thankful for the Light that helps me shine.

The Broken, Yet Brightly Shining, Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

PS: Just to keep you, my readers, on your toes...There are some behind the scenes type of things that have been playing out.  I mean, majorly unexpected things.  I'm hoping this will/can be something that I can write about soon, but I'm going to wait until things are more confirmed.  Please be in prayer for the story that continues to unfold.  Recently I was talking to someone about what may be in development and they told me, "Wow.  Here I was thinking that you were at the end of this story in your life, but really, it sounds like you're possibly in the middle!"  And if it turns out that I am in the middle??  It will be an incredibly beautiful plot twist I can't wait to share with you all.

2014 Flashbacks

It's time for another year to come to an end.  As I sit back and reflect on the many memories and moments I was able to experience throughout 2014, I realize what a crazy and adventourous ride it has been.

In 2014 I...

• Spent half the year on crutches.
• Met Lady Antebellum!!
• Finally expressed my interest in becoming a speaker and started a new career - which was a buried 7-year-old dream. 
• Was accepted to attend the University for the Deaf and hard of hearing (Gallaudet) for summer classes.
• Had to decline my acceptance to Gallaudet due to emergency gallbladder surgery.  (Seriously, I sound so accident prone this year.)
• Received a college scholarship for my academic achievements. 
• Took a writing class on how to write memoirs.
• Started going to coffee shops just to read and write.
• Moved up in my job from being a noon time assistant (AKA: yard duty teacher) to a substitute teacher's aid.
• Spent over 3 months subbing long term at one school, working with Deaf and Hard of Hearing students.
• Successfully completed 33 college units.
• Spoke to several classrooms at a local elementary school, hopefully breaking stereotypes before they were built.
• Held a sensitivity training in a local hospital.
• Joined a hospital Patient Family Advisory Council, and was asked to join a second one that will start in 2015.
• Was turned into a super hero AND had a theme song written for/about me!
• Started writing a book...or two.
• Spent time with one of my Operation Mobilization London friends - in person - for the first time since 2012!
• Saw Wicked, the musical, for my fourth time. 
• Had a murder mystery super hero birthday party!
• Celebrated the birth of my baby cousin, Erica!
• Spent a LOT of fun times with my 4-year-old cousin Rayna!  (And became her favorite person.)
• Made sugar cookies for the first time (ASL style).
• Bought more books than I have time to read.
• Was upgraded to first class and economy plus for free.
• Tried cotton candy grapes.  (Yes, that's a real thing.)
• Had my photo unintentionally go viral (to over 30 million strangers).
• Had my story written about in the local newspaper, The Fresno Bee.
• Enjoyed having sleepovers with my little sister, BreAnna!  As well as tackling our summer bucket lists together.
• Received more encouragement from friends and strangers that I am SO thankful for.  They'll never know how much their support and encouragement meant to me throughout the year.
• Did a lot of house sitting and babysitting.
• Went on an Alaskan cruise that caught on fire!!  (Yet, it was the best cruise I've ever been on.)
• Went to Seattle and Portland.
• Spent time with my girls at Sugar Pine Christian Camp during the summer as a week-long counselor.
• Tried a reindeer sandwich.  (Oh, wait...Did I write that out too close to Christmas time?)
• Attended the Free Will Baptist National Convention.
• Spent time with dear friends.
• Had four laser treatments.
• Spoke at a women's retreat (not as the main speaker, but for a 20 minute seminar/testimony time).
• Wrote articles for Randall House Publications (will be published in early 2015) and for the Treasure Magazine (published in the fall of 2014). 
• Made a ton of new friends!
• Laughed a LOT.
• Met Jack Canfield and was encouraged by him when I had the chance to talk with him about my life goals.
• Chased my dreams.
• Learned, matured, and grew a lot.
• Became stronger - and an overcomer.
• Made a gazillion God-sized dreams AND accomplished some of them too!!
• Went to Nashville and created this 3-minute beauty with Brian Ellison and Melissa Cowart:

This year had a LOT of great moments.  Many were planned for, dreamt of, and totally unexpected.  (Many of which were really, really unexpected.)  I am SO excited to see what 2015 has in store for me and my family.  I don't know what's going to happen in the new year, but I do know that I am going to keep dreaming big - and I'm going to keep pursing my dreams.  Who knows what doors God may open??

Happy New Year, my dear friends!  Thanks for spending a part of it with me.

The Travelin' Chick,

Crystal

Beyond Thankful

While I know most people are posting what they're most thankful for on Facebook, last year I enjoyed writing my list here on my blog - including photos to go with my list.  I think I'm going to make it a personal tradition to blog a summarized list every year.

So...What am I thankful for this year??  

The ability to travel.  Everyone knows I can't sit still for long.  This year I travelled to: Alaska, Seattle, Portland, Canada, and Nashville.  It was my first year in a long time to not hop on a plane to go overseas, but that's okay.  I really enjoyed exploring all the sites and these locations had to offer - and had a GREAT time while visiting each of them!

My job.  I love my job, and many people can't say that.  I'm thankful that I was able to move up from being a noontime assistant ("yard duty teacher") to a substitute teacher's aid.  But even in being a substitute teacher's aid, I've been placed at a school long-term...and I love it there.  The staff are incredible, the teacher's are kind, and I have the chance to use my language skill set with American Sign Language.  Every week I'm there, the more personal and language growth I see in my life.  (How does this picture of a post-it note relate to my job?  My job has loads of funny moments.  Loads and loads!!...Including this one, which I wrote on a post-it note for the teacher I was working with at the time.)

My beautiful mother!  This is one lady I'll never stop being thankful for.  Ever.  

She goes to work, takes care of my dad, is my sounding board, coordinates a women's retreat, constantly cracks the corniest of jokes, and she even makes me dinner on nights she knows I'm out late because of school.  She balances a lot, and I'm thankful for the Godly example she has been in my life.  I'm thankful that she's not just my mom, but my friend.

Donuts.  I'm thankful for donuts.  Many of you may not know this, but donuts are my weakness.  While in Portland this summer, I spent over 30 minutes in line waiting for one of the city's hot spots for the sweet pastries...and it was worth it!  For years I have been telling my mom on my birthday, "Please don't get me a cake...I would like some donuts instead."  It may seem silly, but I really am thankful for one of my all-time favorite snacks!

My little sister, BreAnna.  She's the best little sister a girl could ask for.  She keeps me laughing ALL of the time, and I enjoy all of our conversations.   We have the best sleepovers and enjoyed tackling our summer bucket lists together this year. BreAnna has brought more encouragement to my life than I can even explain, and I only hope that I can encourage her as much as she has encouraged me. 

My 4-year-old cousin, Rayna.  This kid keeps me laughing every time I see her.  Last night at dinner she kept telling me that she and I are best friends, and how she just couldn't wait to come to my house for Thanksgiving Day.  This morning when she woke up, apparently she told her daddy that today was a "Crystal day" - so she couldn't play with him.  She could only play with me.  When she arrived, she instantly requested that I sit next to her for lunch, where we had the following conversation:

"Crystal, I love family dinners!" - Rayna

"Yeah?? Me too! Why do you love family dinners?" - Me

"Because I get to see YOU!! And I LOVE spending time with you." - Rayna

My new baby cousin, Erica!!  Rayna is now a big sister!...Isn't she cute??  I'm thankful for every chance I get to have to hold her...Especially since the line to do so is always so long! (Ha!) She's adorable, and quite possibly the squeakiest baby I have ever met.  Who wouldn't be thankful for a chance to snuggle with such an adorable baby??  (Side note: I'm also incredibly thankful for the aunt that gave me these two snuggly and playful cousins to adore!)

The support I've experienced since finding out about my Facebook fiasco of my photo going viral.  Wow.  Talk about a powerful amount of encouragement!!  I know I've not blogged much since my initial entry about the situation, but I promise to write more soon about everything.  I can't deny it - the last few months have been a crazy roller coaster ride, and one that isn't quite finished yet...But WOW.  When I made my first post on Facebook about what happened - and then blogged about it - the support has been off the charts.  During a really hard day, I recently had a friend/mentor tell me something along the lines of, "Look at all the support you have!!  As I watch your blog and Facebook page, you've had more support with this one issue alone than I've ever had in my many years of ministry."  And it's true.  I've had a LOT of support, and I cannot give enough thanks for this as this crazy, unexpected journey unfolds.

Not only am I thankful for the support I've received, I'm also thankful for all the encouragement.  (Although, I do realize that these practically go hand in hand.)  Since the Facebook Fiasco started, I've received message after message from friends and strangers alike.  I heard from many of my 1,550 Facebook friends, plus others I've never met from around the world.  I have heard from people with the same type of birthmark that I have, from people who have a child who has what I have, and from people who didn't know what a Port Wine Stain was until they clicked on my blog, or read the article the Fresno Bee wrote on my story. 

The encouraging messages I have received have been such a blessing, and an unexpected surprise.  While I knew some people would message me, I didn't expect such a high number of emailed support.  Like I mentioned above, this has been a roller coaster ride I need to write about again later, but without the encouragement I have received - I know this journey would have been 100,000x harder than it has been.

On the days when I've allowed myself to become distracted by the discouragement of my situation, I've had so many of you tell me, "I just know God is going to do something great with your story!!  I know it!!"  So thank you.  Thank you for lifting me up when I have struggled and been down. Thank you for following my story, sharing it, emailing me, praying for me, and for encouraging me in all the different ways you have all had a part in.  I know many of you are rooting for the plans and story God has for my life, and I appreciate it!

                        

I've known Denise all my life, but she and I have only moved past the life-time acquaintance phase to a full, good, friendship in the last year and a half...And for this, I am beyond thankful!!   In September of 2013, Denise was the worship leader of a women's retreat my mom coordinates.  During the retreat, I had the chance to get to know her a little bit.  Wanting to get to know her better I later requested to meet for Starbucks.  (Which, it turns out, neither one of us likes coffee!  Ha!)  Since then, Denise has been more than amazing and has gifted me with more encouragement than she'll ever realize and she keeps me laughing with her witty sarcasm.  She has turned me into a superhero, Amethyst, and has written me a beautiful song...A song that I can't imagine being written in any other way.  I never imagined having a song written for/about me - ever - but she did it in the most perfect way, and it's the best gift I've ever received.

Recently I went to Nashville to work on a video project.  Ironically, it is a project I had planned before my picture went viral.  Around June or July I called my friend, Brian, and told him of a video idea I had in mind...A video I've wanted to do for at least a year...and a video in which I wanted tell a part of my story, but also with the ability to use this video to hopefully promote and attract potential speaking opportunities.  

I went to Nashville early in the month of November and I've already seen two cuts of the video.  It looks FANTASTIC.  Brian is incredible at what he does, and it was a joy to work with him and my new friend, Melissa.  Being in front of a camera was a bit awkward for me at times, as I'm use to being behind the camera...but I really enjoyed every moment of this project. 

I'm thankful for the opportunity to take time off work and school so I could travel to Nashville and work on this project.  I'm thankful for cough drops, which were a huge contribution to the creating of this video.   I'm thankful for the patiences of both Melissa and Brian, as well as their encouragement throughout the whole process.  I'm especially thankful to have the chance to work with Christian "video guy" who took the time to pray over the project we were working on, as well as for God to use the video to open more doors to speak to others - whether the door be their computer screens on YouTube, or by me (hopefully) gain more speaking engagements where I can speak and encourage others in-person.

If anyone is looking for a chance to tell their story through video, I highly recommend that you check out his website: www.tekmerion.net  (I've not published my video yet, but I will keep you all updated and share it once I am able.)

My friend Melinda! We are total opposites, which is a beautiful thing...but that's another entry for another day.  (Ha!)  I'm thankful for the many deep conversations that have taken place in my car with this lady, and am thankful for her constant reminders to have faith, to dream big dreams!...That nothing is impossible.

I'm thankful for the ability to dream God-sized dreams, and to be proud to do so!  With God anything is possible - and what's not to be thankful about that?  My dreams are BIG, but my God is even BIGGER.  (I have a whole bulletin board in my room that is dedicated to my God-sized dreams!)

This beautiful lady (Amberly Neese) is one of my mentors, and one of the best speakers I have ever heard.  She's a fantastic speaker, friend, and has one of the biggest gifts of encouragement that I have ever seen.  Earlier in the year I sat down to talk with her, telling her of my God-sized dream to become a public speaker. That same day, and since then, she has taken the time to share her words of wisdom, bits of advice, and encouragement with me.  She was the main speaker at a retreat I did a 20 minute talk at, and I'm so glad that she was there.  With her being my mentor in this area of life, I found it to be more than fitting for her to be there as I spoke to a group of women and hopefully started my speaking career.  I'm thankful for women like her (and Denise) who take the time to really invest in my life like they have done, and for women like them who take the time to really "champion me on" (As in the world of Amberly!) - especially in the last year. 

-----------------------------------------

Again, this is only a summarized list of the things and people I am thankful for.  If I included everything and everyone, this would easily be the blog that never ends.

Too add to my list, though, I am incredibly thankful for God's strength, guidance, His patience, and protection.  Between random gallbladder surgeries, cruise ships catching on fire, heavy school loads (while working full time), pictures going viral...My life has been crazy busy and adventurous, and I can't imagine living life without my God. 

I don't know what the next year will hold for me, but I'm going to continue to dream my God-sized dreams and dream BIG.  I'm going to continue to be thankful for both the little things, and the big things, on a daily basis.

What are you thankful for??

The Travelin' Chick,

Crystal