What 'Beauty and the Beast' Taught Me as a Child With a Facial Difference

I finally saw Beauty and the Beast this weekend.

It was incredible.

While in recent years I've become an advocate of how villains are portrayed in movies, the 1991 cartoon version of this movie has been a constant favorite in my life.

I don't remember the first time I saw the movie, but I was young.

I loved Belle's personality. She had a sense of adventure, daring to be herself - regardless of what the townspeople said about her. Oh, and she loved her books. While they never showed her as a writer, I often pretended in my childhood that she enjoyed holding a pen to a piece of paper as much as I did.

But, as a child with a facial difference, my reason for loving this movie was so much more than relating to the beautiful Disney princess.

You see, I was born with a purple port wine stain birthmark that covers half my face.  Three in 1,000 have my condition, but as a child, I didn't know anyone else with a facial difference - let alone anyone with the same condition. Facebook support groups for people with birthmarks weren't a thing, and we still had dial-up.

Watching the movie's story-line unfold in front of me, I was in awe...Especially when Belle fell in love with the Beast.

Often, as a child, I would forget about my birthmark. Unless someone made a comment, stared, or I had a medical treatment, it wasn't the focus on my life. I was just a kid. I was just like everyone else. I was focused on hanging out with my cousin, watching "Boy Meets World," and building things with my Legos.

But, in that moment where Belle started to develop feelings for the Beast, I remembered my birthmark. I remembered my unique physical appearance.

"People who look 'different,' can find love too. Maybe someone will one day fall in love with me," I remember myself thinking.

At around 6 years old, I don't recall ever worrying about dating or finding love. I don't recall ever wondering if I would ever marry, or if anyone of the opposite gender would ever be able to see past my face's two-shaded skin tone. But as I watched Belle and the Beast fall in love, the thought of love was planted in my mind, and it would never leave.

I'm now 25 and still very much single. "Beauty and the Beast" still remains my favorite Disney film, but now we have high-speed internet, and Facebook groups for a variety of topics - including some for people with birthmarks like my own.

Discovering these social media groups for the first time, around the age of 21, I never realized how much I craved to connect with other people with the same condition. I made new friends with similar appearances, with similar stories.

Then, one day, the question emerged from my mind, "How many people who look like me have found love? How many are married, or are dating?"

I then found myself shamelessly clicking from profile to profile, curious on their marital status. My 21 years old, single self needed to know it was possible. I needed to know that the concept of "Beauty and the Beast" wasn't just a Hollywood story-line.

Last night, I asked my mom, "I know it was a different time with different resources when I was born, but did you ever consider trying to find someone with the same birthmark for me to connect with?"

She told me that she never thought to ask, as that seemed to be the farthest thing from the doctor's minds.

And for the first time, I told her about why I truly loved "Beauty and the Beast." I told her, "Growing up, I saw many married couples. But all those couples had typical appearances, none of them looked like me. 'Beauty and the Beast' was the first time I realized that people like myself could find love too."

As an adult, I see the even deeper connections I feel with the Beast. Like the Beast, society has a hard time seeing past the appearance. Like the Beast, rumors about my appearance travel. Like him, I'm often misunderstood and mistreated - all because of how I look. And also, his name. He's literally known as "the Beast." While several know me by name, as Crystal, strangers often refer to me by my appearance. And even some friends, who have known me my whole life, my name still doesn't go beyond the phrase of, "The girl who has something wrong with her face."

In a season and society of high expectations where where I've been asked to be on a show called Too Ugly For Love, Body Fixers, The Undateables, and where I've been called "contagious," and "ugly," by blunt strangers....Beauty and the Beast gives me hope. One day, it's possible that I may meet someone who won't "shudder" when they touch "my paw." He may even love both me, and my birthmark - maybe just as much as I do. To one man, one day, I may be known as so much more than "the girl who has something wrong with her face."

The Travelin' Chick,

Crystal

Side note: As an adult, thinking about the movie through my advocate-tented-glasses, beyond my personal, childhood, experience, there are many other issues I could cover. But, if you'd like to read about those, feel free to check out this article by my friend, Carly.

Embrace You: A Social Experiment and Celebration

Walking down the streets of New York City for the very first time, I noticed several artists drawing tourists in the middle of the pathways in the city.  Gazing at their artwork, I couldn't help but wonder, "If I asked them to draw me, would they include my facial, port wine stain birthmark?  Would they ask if I want it included in the image?  Or would they make that decision without asking me?"

While I didn't act on that idea in that moment, a few weeks later I found myself contacting several artists with one goal in mind: To see how many people would naturally include my birthmark in an art piece, and to see how each artist interprets it.

As I started this journey, there were only two rules that I gave each artist:

1. Each piece must remain politically neutral.
2. My character must remain modest in her attire.

Why Call this Project, "Embrace You"?

Sometimes when we look in the mirror, we don't like what we see.  We're having a bad hair day, a new pimple randomly appeared on our face over night, we've been bullied, or we've just never been friends with our reflections.

While this blog entry rooted from an idea attached to my birthmark, I've had days where I've struggled to embrace my appearance because of "normal" reasons.  My hair never wants to cooperate, I've always struggled with my weight, and while my birthmark as a whole doesn't bother me - my face isn't symmetrical because of the extra blood flow...And that's all my personal, internal dialogue going on there.  I've also been turned into a meme because of my difference, been told I'm "contagious", and was once approached about being on the shows "Too Ugly for Love"/"The Undateables".

Trust me, I get it.  It's hard.  It can be a constant, uphill battle - both internally and externally.

Yet, in the last four months, I've worked with 50 artists, and no two artists have drawn me the exact same way.  So, no matter how we see ourselves in the mirror, odds are...That's not how the rest of the world sees us.

Artists of San Francisco

To start my social experiment, I went to San Francisco.  The day I went, there were very few artists out working due to some morning rain. However, I was able to meet four different artists.  Here are the images that were created:

The first artist I met asked me if I wanted my birthmark in the image.  With a smile, I told him, "Sure!"  We talked the whole time, getting to know one another.  At some point it came up that I was  once turned into a meme - which went viral to 30 million people.  Excitedly he exclaimed, "I thought you were the meme lady!!  Wow.  I never thought I would see someone's picture online, then see them in-person, and draw them."  He is from the US, and you can follow him here on Instagram.

As this artist from Russia started drawing me, he pointed to my face and asked, "Is that permanent?  Do you want that in the drawing?"  He told me he often asks men the same question about their facial hair because "maybe they forgot to shave that day".  About 15 minutes later, he told me, "I don't know if this is rude to say or not - but it looks as though you were punched in the face." #YouShouldSeeTheOtherGuy

This artist was from China, and never brought up my birthmark.

This artist sat by the first artist mentioned above, and is also from the US.  As he listened to our conversation, he told me, "I wouldn't of asked you if you wanted it in the picture.  It's a part of your character."  So, I asked him to draw me too.

Going Online

After my interactions with the four artists in San Fransisco, I knew I needed to take this social experiment a step further.  It was time to take it online.  

Going to both Craigslist and Fiverr, I emailed several artists, asking them to draw me.  Two of the artists requested at least 5 photos, so I made a rule: every artist that draws me will receive the exact same photos.  So, I sent two photos where my birthmark is super obvious, two where it's hidden by special makeup, and one where it still shows - but the color is calmed down due to a lower-end makeup brand.  After attaching all five images, I ended each email with, "Please let me know if you have any questions!  I can't wait to see what you come up with."

I emailed 8 artists online.  In the end...

- One artist Googled me and found my blog, and quickly learned that my birthmark is something that I celebrate.

- One artist added my birthmark, without asking about it.

- Two artists asked me if I wanted my birthmark in the image.

- The rest initially left it off, until I asked them to include it.

Here are some of the images I received, and some of the stories behind them:

Many of the artists left my birthmark out of the image when they weren't told to add it.  However, I was okay with that, knowing there is so much more to me than my birthmark.  If an artist didn't include the mark without my prompting, I would ask them why.  This artist (from New Zealand), for example, explained, "You're birthmark wasn't left out intentionally (I happen to think it's beautiful), its only a part of the process in creating the art.  The style only shows the shadows that are created by outlines (hair, face, glasses) and depth of facial feature curves (mouth, eyes, nose, smile lines). If your birthmark happened to have deeper lines like a scar perhaps, then the lines would be there to show it. I certainly hope I didn't offend you - I really do happen to think you're birthmark is beautiful. :-)"

This artist from Venezuela specializes in a few different styles, one being Disney.  Going off my favorite Disney Princess, Belle, this is what was created.  And since it's based off of Belle's character, I asked him to include the book, "Looking for Lovely", which was written by one of my favorite authors, Annie F. Downs.  Looking for Lovely was written to help encourage others to search for the little lovely things in life, during the good times and the bad - which is what I've strived to do for years.  Life is too hard to dwell in the hardship, and those little lovely moments are crucial, which is a lesson I learned early due to my journey with a facial difference - and just by living every day life.  But y'all...Read. This. Book.  Find your lovely.

The cool thing about this Picasso style image is that the artist (from Argentina) included my birthmark without asking about it.  They also added purple highlights - which I sometimes have, but weren't included in any of the images I sent them.  

This artist from Venezuela originally left my birthmark off the image that she created.  Messaging her back, asking why it was left off, she explained to me, "I didn't know if you wanted your birthmark. In the beginning I wanted to make a lot of flowers on your face that represent the birthmark but I was not sure. So I just let the flower around you."  In addition, she also explained that she has a cousin who has a birthmark just like mine.  While she's never drawn her cousin, she is certain her cousin would ask her to leave off her birthmark.

A Social Experiment Turned into a Celebration

After a while I wondered how the images would differ, if I intentionally asked people to include my birthmark in their art.  What would people come up with if I asked them to celebrate the birthmark, and/or a part of my story?

Encouraging me along the way, when the artists found out about my project, several of them offered to draw my images for free and/or at a discounted rate - which was extremely kind of them, and I am forever grateful for their sweet hearts.

Interestingly enough, one artist (from Japan) left my birthmark off, even after I asked them to include it from the get-go.  Also, out of all the artists I messaged with - only one told me they did not want to be a part of my project.  When I inquired why, the artist from Spain told me, "...This is not my type of project.  My beauty in my eyes should not be the same to you, so I think I can't satisfy you in my own ways, it will be different which may worry you."  That being said, I'm not sure if they meant they didn't find my birthmark to be beautiful, or they were afraid of being given full creative rights to celebrate it without specific parameters.

Here, however, are some of the amazing pieces I did receive...

My good friend, Rick Guidotti (from the US), is a camera guru.   He's an award winning, former fashion photographer who used to photograph models, such as Cindy Crawford.  Through his organization, Positive Exposure, he now travels the world photographing people with different medical conditions, celebrating every single person he meets.  (He's even done a TEDx Talk, which you can find here.)

This was created by artist Ossain Cardenas, from the United States.  Looking me up on Instagram and here on my blog, he saw a picture of my favorite "She Will Not Be Moved" necklace and included it without any prompting.  He told me, "I felt the message on that necklace was the perfect piece to complete the portrait...I believe it gave my interpretation of your image more power."

This artist is from Serbia, and while sharing what inspired this image, she told me, "I was thinking: so what if she has a birthmark on her face, she has energy that can hold the whole universe."  Definitely a favorite!  (Okay.  Real talk.  I may say that about every piece listed here...But this one is definitely on my "top 5" list.)

While I've never given a TED Talk, it is on my God-sized dream board to do so, and it was important to me to have this image drawn.  Working with the artist, she asked me if I preferred a more realistic look, or more cartoon style.  Wanting to give her wiggle room to be as creative as she wanted, I let her pick - with the request of including one of my favorite necklaces from Natalie Grant's collection, "She Will Not Be Moved", and a bracelet from 3Strands Global - an organization fighting back against human trafficking.    This artist is from South Africa, and as it turns out, we both have TED Talk dreams!  I want to give a talk, and she wants to do animations for them.  (What are the odds I would ask an artist to create an image representing my TED Talk dream, and that they would also have a TED Talk dream too?)

In January, at an event called Dare to Be, one of my God-sized dreams turned into a God-sized reality: I shared the stage with the woman who said "yes" to speaking, so that I could say "yes".  I shared the stage with Natalie Grant, and her British pal, Charlotte Gambill. While I have a video of this moment, I don't have a good picture.  So, I asked my new friend, Sara Erb (also from California), to draw this moment for me.  Once again, I gave her freedom in how she chose to celebrate this moment, and I love what she came up with.

The sweetest 5-year-old in the world drew this picture for me.  Rayna, my cousin, drew us together by a house that "we're going to buy and live in together for forever".  It doesn't get much sweeter than that. (Rayna is from California.)

My dear friend, Brittany Echols (from Alabama), drew this piece for me.  After drawing this piece, she told me what inspired her creation, "While I was creating this piece I thought about the purpose behind the piece.  Often beauty is defined in certain terms or ideas.  It seems to be black or white.  This is beautiful, and this is not.  Beauty is often found in the most unexpected places and it's not black and white.  Beauty is often found in one-of-a-kind pieces.  Crystal Hodges is that through and through!  She is beautiful and one-of-a-kind on the inside and out!"    You can follow Brittany's blog here.

A couple of years ago, my friend Denise Nicholes, wrote a superhero story for me.  So, in turn, I thought it would be fun to have a superhero created in honor of the story Denise wrote for me.   The character's name is Amethyst, which is represented by the "A" on the shirt. And I have to say - I love the pink highlights in the hair!  (This was drawn by an artist here in the United States.)

Let's be real.  Floating books, flying pens, and a map?  This. Is. So. Me.  (This artist is from Indonesia, and she totally gets me.)

I've probably said this about all the images during the last four months, but this is definitely one of my favorites.  This artist is from the beautiful country of Uruguay, and even included my dog, Ruby.  I mean, come on, y'all...I'm a paper doll! How cool is that?  When I asked her about how most people react to being drawn, she told me, "Sometimes people want me not to draw their glasses or make them look younger, or straight hair instead of curly.  Nobody seems really happy with themselves!...I thought that you couldn´t be prettier: Your purple spot seems to me a watercolor brushstroke!!"

While I gave this artist the freedom to be as creative as she liked, I did request this image.  It took me nearly 24 years before meeting anyone with the same conditions that I have (a Port Wine Stain birthmark and Sturge Weber Syndrome), and I wanted this moment to be celebrated.  Drawn with me is my friend Sophia.  She's from Australia, and has quite the story.  To learn more about Sophia and to hear more of her story, you can find her page here on Facebook.   The artist who drew this is from Macedonia, and was excited to be a part of this project. 

This artist is from Venezuela.  This was the first time she's drawn a person in this style, and I think she did a great job!  Looking at this art piece, my friend Gabby told me, "I like that she made your face asymmetrical, since the birthmark does affect the symmetry."

Trying to figure out the right color for my fin and for the background, we talked about different possibilities.  I threw out a few colors, one being blue, since that's the color of my eyes.  The artist replied, "I liked your suggestion of blue because it helped bring out the color that makes your birthmark shine and be truly you. :)"   This talented artist is from the US, and you can follow her here on Instagram.

Drawing me in a Tim Burton style, this artist from Macedonia told me, "Like the sky, every person is beautiful.  The sky can have loads of shapes, and colors, but no matter what it's still beautiful.  Behind the clouds the sky is always clear."

This was drawn by my new friend, Bryce Westervelt, from the United States.  He told me some stories about some clients who requested to be modified so much that they became more of a "Utopian" version of themselves, after requesting some major artistic "plastic surgery."  Talking about my project, he told me, "It is, in a way, very vulnerable to allow someone else to depict you - to dare to be seen how someone else sees you." 

Harry Potter?  #YesPlease
(This was drawn by an artist from Russia.)

Okay.  So I PROMISE this was created before I found out about the Pokemon GO app.  Gotta love being a 90's kid!
(This was created by an artist from Mexico.)

Interestingly enough, while I often have jokes about color coordinating my clothes to my face/birthmark, I literally never wear orange.  Yet, so many of the artists incorporated orange into their creations - and it looks amazing.  (This artist is from Pakistan.) 

"Everything is AWESOME."
(I know - I now have the song stuck in my head too...Oops.)
This artist is from Vietnam and I love that she included my Winter Jam concert swag in this piece.

Several people have told me in the past that my birthmark looks like a heart.  Recently, an article was published about my story, which also describes it as a heart shape.  So, I thought it was interesting when this artist from Bosnia and Herzegovina saw it the same way.  

My dear friend, Anna Donahue, drew this for me.  She's 11 and drew this before ever meeting me.  This summer I had the joy of meeting her and her family last month, and hearing about Anna's journey with Spina Bifida.  (You can learn more about a nonprofit her mom, Annie Beth, started called Signposts Ministries here.)

So...What now?

I don't know where you're at in your life journey.  But please know - from your physical appearance to your talents and passions, you are beautifully (or, swaggfully, if you're a dude) and wonderfully made.  You're talented, and one of a kind.  Your dreams are worth fighting for, and you are worth more than you know.

My friend...You are a rockstar.

It's time to 'Embrace You'.

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

Follow me on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.  You can also find me on Snapchat: crystal.hodges

10 Things I Want Kids Growing Up with a Physical Difference to Know

To those growing up with a physical difference,

If you’re anything like me, people often stare your direction, and you feel like you’ve heard it all in regards to your physical appearance. And if you’re anything like me, you didn’t ask for this journey — but you’re on it.

I was born with a port-wine stain birthmark that covers half my face, which travels all the way to my brain (causing another condition called Sturge-Weber syndrome) and caused my facial features to be asymmetrical. In the last few years, I started to blog about my journey with a facial difference and how the world often reacts. As I write, I learn.

Below is a list of lessons I’ve learned over the years, as well as a list of things I wish I had realized growing up. Our physical differences may be different, or maybe you have the exact same type of birthmark in the exact same location. Either way, perhaps you need a boost of encouragement, or maybe you just need to know you’re not alone in your journey.

1. You have a voice. It took me nearly 20 years and my photo going viral to realize I had one. We have the power to stick up for what is right; we have the power to stick up for others and more importantly, ourselves. What you have to say is important. Use your words. Speak them, write them, blog them, YouTube them, put them to a melodious tune. Whatever way you communicate best — do it. What you have to say is important, and people will listen. Write that book, sing that song. You have a story to tell.

2. There are some days and situations you overcome with zeal, and other days you barely survive — and both days are OK. Sometimes there are days that are emotionally draining, and depending on your condition, some of you even experience health scares that leave you unsure if you have another day left on your life’s timeline. But here you are, reading this article. You’ve made it this far. You’ve survived, you’ve overcome more than you realize. You are amazing.

3. Remember to laugh. Life can be hard, physical difference or not, and laughter is crucial. For example: Half my face is purple, so I refuse to wear certain colors. When I shop with my friends, I often find myself telling them, “Um. No. That doesn’t match my face. A girl’s gotta color coordinate!” Find the humor and joy in life. Look for the positive in every situation. The world is a brighter place when you do. And remember — sometimes the smallest moments are the greatest ones.

4. It’s OK to wonder what life would have been like had you been born “normal.” Just because you ask doesn’t mean you lack confidence, and you don’t have to feel guilty for wondering. I have days when I wonder what I would look like without my birthmark and asymmetrical facial features. I even wonder how my personality would be different, had I not grown up with regular laser treatments, strangers’ awkward gawking and comments. It’s not healthy to obsess and dwell on these curiosities, but it is OK to wonder from time to time. The more speaking and writing I do, the more I come to realize that most people wonder, “What if I looked different?” After all, that’s how makeup and hair dye got invented; it’s what sells high heels and Spanx.

5. If you’re a girl, remember, you are beautiful and stunning. If you’re a guy? You are handsome with tons of swag. This summer I made a new, encouraging friend of the opposite sex. He heard a part of my story and kept emphasizing how beautiful I was, both internally and physically. I found myself blushing, awkwardly looking to the ground, unsure of how to respond. Beyond my grandfather, I don’t recall anyone from the male gender telling me I was beautiful — and for months I’ve tried to recall other men giving me the same compliment.

Having a guy tell me I was beautiful while standing face-to-face was one of the most internally painful social situations I’ve ever been in. It was, and still is, a foreign experience. Bluntly put, most comments I’ve received about my looks have been negative and hurtful. Growing up, I quickly learned to be on the defense when my appearance came up — especially around new people. I’ve always believed and told myself I was beautiful, but I realized through this experience that I never expected or anticipated a man unrelated to me to think the same thing. But they do, and they think the same about you. And they’re right. Don’t be afraid to let your guard down.

6. There are online support groups you can join. Only three people out of 1,000 people have the same condition I have (according to the Vascular Birthmarks Foundation), and even fewer have their birthmarks predominantly placed on their face. Until a few years ago, and in all my life, I had only seen a couple of people in-person with the exact same birthmark I have — and we never even said hello. Until I was about 21 and started blogging about my story, it never dawned on me that there were online groups I could join. After all, I didn’t have a “birthmark mentor” to tell me teach me these things.

Now, a few years later, I’m in several groups, and I work for the Vascular Birthmarks Foundation, which also provides a lot of insight and support. You may feel alone in your day-to-day life, but there are people all over the world who relate to and understand you. My family gets my situation to an extent, more than most people. They’re the most supportive family I could ever dream of, but they don’t live with my condition 24/7. When I finally connected with people who also had the same condition? Wowzers. These people get me completely. (At least, the birthmark part of me.)

7. Only you know what’s best for you, especially in regards to your health. Do your research, listen to opinions. But most of all — make sure you make your decision with your parents and doctors by your side, using their wisdom and knowledge to the fullest.

When I first announced on social media that I would be having laser treatments, people became angry — and they weren’t afraid to voice their thoughts. But here’s the thing… They didn’t know about my condition. They only knew I had a “purpl
e”birthmark, and that was the extent of their knowledge. They didn’t know the medical complications that could arise if I chose not to have the treatments again.

Sometimes, people who have the exact same condition are also strongly against the treatments. The treatments aren’t for everyone, and that’s OK. Each journey looks different for everyone. It’s OK to vary in opinions. The treatments aren’t what bind us together; it’s the journey and support.

8. Your condition doesn’t define you. Yes, it’s a part of you, but you are still you, no matter what people say. No matter what you look like. Be confident. You’re a rock star.

9. There are amazing people who will support and encourage you — people who will get to know you beyond what they see. Sometimes it can be discouraging when people stare or make rude comments. Thankfully, not everyone reacts in a cruel and hurtful way. I’ve always been able to make friends easily, but it did take me a while to find a good group of close friends who are always there for me. We’ve all been hurt by someone, but don’t ever be afraid to make new friends. For every unkind person, I believe there are at least twice as many beautiful, kind people.

10. You can change the world. You have just as much power as anyone else. Shoot for the stars, go for the impossible. Embrace your passions and dare to dream. You can do anything you put your mind to, and you have an endless amount of potential. You make the world a more beautiful place.

Love always,

The Travelin' Chick - and your mentor with a physical difference,

Crystal

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This article was originally featured on The Mighty.