13 Things to Remember About Health Advocates and Role Models

This year has been a really hard advocacy year.

Actually, it probably has been the hardest one yet.

Because there's so much positive to share in my journey (speaking opportunities, articles, media interviews, etc.) I think that it's equally as important to be open about the hard, vulnerable, and raw stuff too.

This year I’ve had people tell me I was in the wrong for standing up for myself in a way I felt was necessary – even though they weren’t in my shoes, or experiencing the situation personally. They weren’t even in the room.

Last month I had a video a company made about my story. While they did a great job with the video and I was proud of the outcome, it still resulted in some cruel comments...many of which resulting in my hitting the “report” button.

Strangers telling me to “F-off” and that my medical condition isn’t valid and is “insignificant” because they were going off what they can see – not realizing there may be more to my condition than what meets the eye.

A parent of a kid with similar condition accusing me of having a “false” and “hypocritical” public image – all because I didn’t respond to their email fast enough. (While also guilting me to be friends with her daughter.)

...and that’s only four issues I’ve run into in the last three months alone.

In all my years of an advocate, I’ve never felt so drained. Never felt so tempted to quit. Just the other day, due to another hard situation not mentioned, I even found myself saying words I never thought I’d say to my fiancé, “One day I may just stop.”

And the thing is, I can quit anytime I want. I can delete my blog, I can speak and write about other topics I’m passionate about - human trafficking, travel, or even photography. I can be known as someone other than “the girl who blogs about life with a birthmark.”

But then I remember why I do what I do.

I’m an advocate for myself, because I believe we should all advocate for ourselves to the best of our abilities. No one knows our bodies like we do, and no one can get the care for their own body’s need like we can.

I’m a storyteller so others can realize they’re not alone in their journey. Maybe our stories are different, but there is someone who can relate – and who looks like them.

I’m an educator so when someone is unkind to me because of my facial difference, maybe they’ll be kinder to the next person they meet in similar shoes. Maybe the next generation of people with facial differences will be seen as people with a name and story, instead of made to stand out through harsh comments and uncomfortable stares.

I’ve thought about quitting more times this year than I care to admit. But I do this because it’s what I feel called to do – even on the hard days. God’s not done with my story yet, and He’s not done with my storytelling.

Sometimes I wonder why my skin isn’t “thicker by now.” But then I’m thankful that it’s not, because I’m afraid “thick skin” for me would equate to a “hard heart” - and I so desperately want to keep that tender. I also remind myself that my feelings are real, and they’re valid. It’s OK to feel them, process them, and honor them.

Maybe one day I will “quit,” and hopefully someone else will be ready to carry the advocacy baton when and if that time comes. But until then, I remember the beautiful moments - like surprising a sweet kiddo with the same facial birthmark in the hallways of her school. I remember the emails of people who write me and say, “I thought I was the only one - but then I stumbled on your blog!” I remember the good moment that have passed and that have yet to come. I remember self-care, that it’s OK to take breaks and/or sabbaticals, and I’ll remember why I do what I do.

I remember that advocacy work isn’t always easy, but it’s not always this hard either.

All that being said, as you follow and connect with health advocates online, here are a few things that I think are important to remember as you follow and connect with me, and other health advocates and role models:

1. We are so thankful you're willing to be a part of our journey with us on our blogs and social media.

Oh boy, are we thankful for you! Whether you found us through media interviews and have no direct experience with our condition, a parent of a child with the condition, or you live with it firsthand – thank you for sharing our blog entries, social media posts, and for being a friend on the journey.

2. We're likely not doctors.

I constantly get emails asking for medical advice, including what treatments I think people should do and asking what their medical options are. Some people have even asked me to diagnose them. While I have a lot of medical knowledge, if we have the same conditions, our conditions may affect us differently. I don't have a medical degree, and I can't give you a medical opinion. All I can do is share my patient experience – what treatments work for my specific case, how the treatments affect my body and my mental health. If you ask me for medical advice for port wine stain birthmarks or Sturge-Weber syndrome, I'll probably just send you to The Vascular Birthmarks Foundation where they can then connect you with doctors where you can find the advice you're looking for. I'd love to hear your story, share more details about mine, and encourage you, but please don't ask me for medical advice.

3. Most of us wish we had time to reply to every email, social media comment, message on Facebook, message on Instagram, and every Snap sent to us on Snapchat.

But often we don't. Or, at least not within an immediate timeframe. Hearing from you is one of my favorite things about my job! But, unless we have a note pinned to the top of our page, "I promise to respond to every message within 24 hours," please don't expect us to write back within a day, or even a week. We're not on-call, nor are we a like a "one hour film development" center.

While we're seen posting a lot online, we also live a life away from the computer – much of which isn't published online for the world to see. Personally, I have a job, a fiancé I'm planning a wedding with and building a future with, family obligations, and friendships that I need to tend to face-to-face and way from the screen.

Also, it's important to remember that not only do I write about my conditions, but I live with them as well. Sometimes I have to take care of myself before I can help take care of others. I have doctor's appointments, laser surgeries, speaking engagements, and sometimes I travel. I also usually have a thousand ideas in my head at any given time, and I'm trying to manage them so I can best serve the health community I'm in.

To navigate my advocacy work and every day life, I do my best to reply to messages when I can. But I also have a habit of going through all my inboxes at least once month in effort to reply to people – but even then, sometimes I accidentally miss a few people.

4. It's OK to message us again if we don't reply to your first email.

But please be kind. It's possible we didn't see your message, even if Facebook said we did. It's possible that your email never reached our Yahoo or Google accounts. Please don't assume we don't want to talk to you, or that we have set up a "contradictory image" in the public eye. We're doing our best, really, we are.

5. Even if we don't reply, we soak in your encouragement.

Encouragement from others is so vital to what we do. Sometimes I even print of people's emails or messages to help me on the days that are hard health days, or even hard advocacy days. Your encouragement serves as a reminder that we are impacting the world for the better, that we are making a difference – even if it feels like we're not.

6. When we tell about an experience we've had, remember you weren't there – which means you don't get to see the full picture, regardless of how well we've written the story.

Sometimes the hardest part about sharing stories online is that, often, I was the only one there. I write stories sharing about times when people stare at me, or make a comment about my facial difference, and I share them to the best of my ability with full honesty. Yet, sometimes that's not enough. An experience has many elements, including things such as emotions, smells, tastes, body language, and tone – and not and they're 3D, layered with details. They're constricted between black and white letters on your screens, or the within the pixels of videos we may share. But because I was the only one there, there are several elements that readers will miss – so therefore wrong assumptions are made, and fair questions aren't asked.

In the past, people have responded in anger and judgement, telling me I was in the wrong by choosing how I responded to someone saying something unkind about my facial difference, or how I responded to someone who spent several seconds – if not minutes – staring at me. Instead of hoping for the best and assuming I have a level head on my shoulders, I get criticized for standing up for myself in a hard moment...and in a way I deem necessary.

7. You may not agree with how we choose to advocate for ourselves, but it may be just right for us in that particular moment.

Like I mentioned above, I've had people tell me I was in the wrong for advocating for myself in certain situations. For example, during my online dating experiment one man wrote to me and said, "Oh, what happened to that beautiful face?" I replied with wit and humor, "Oh my gosh...What do you mean? Is something wrong with my face?"

People instantly started writing comments on my Facebook post about the experience. Most were supportive and understood my humor, especially when people who were following the online dating fiasco knew I was open and blunt about my birthmark in my pictures and my profile. But one woman told me I went about my response in the wrong way.

Once again, while most people were supportive, there were a few people who weren't – and who let it be known. In the end, I can only make the best decisions I can with the knowledge I have in the moment. And that's just what I'm doing.

7. I believe in the form of accountability, but there's a time and place.

I'm only human. I won't always get it right when I advocate publicly and privately. But while I share stories online, if you have feedback – stop and think before you hit the "post" button. Is your comment better shared publicly, or would it be kinder to show a little grace and message me privately so we can have a constructive conversation? Are you leaving the comment to be "right," or because you genuinely want to give feedback to help me grow and learn as an advocate? Before you message me, it may be a good idea to write your email, sit on it, reread it the next day, and then send it. But also, remember I do have people in my life holding me accountable. I rely on my mentors, my parents, my best friend, and fiancé  for guidance. They're honest and blunt opinions are the ones I trust the most, and the ones I constantly seek in hard situations.

8. We don't always have to be nice when we advocate for ourselves.

While I try to stay kind in my responses to people's comments and stares, there's nothing that says I have to respond in a kind way. Some situations do call for a little bit of sarcasm and sass, and while I rarely ever tap into them and can only count on one hand the amount of times I've used this method, I have the right to implement those tactics when I deem necessary. My heart and feelings come first, and sometimes responding to unkindness with a sarcastic joke is more necessary than a smile.

9. Please don't guilt us into being friends with your children.

Are you trying to find a mentor and friend for your kiddo with a medical condition? Someone who's been through the hardships first hand? That's amazing! I wish I had that as a child and teenager and I totally see the value and beauty in that, and I wish I could be everyone's friend. While I love befriending others with the same conditions, and helping kids on their journey, I can't always be everyone's "go-to." If I end up being great friends with your child one day, yay! I'm so glad. But please don't force it, try to guilt me into it, or get angry if my life doesn't allow it at that time.

10. Sometime's we have to put up boundaries.

Did you know that Facebook only allows people to have 5,000 friends? Because of this reason alone, sometimes we won't add people with the same condition as friends. Many of us also have public pages people can "like," and you can see the same content you're looking for on that corner on the web. (You can find my Facebook page here.) We also want to have a safe space online, where we can talk about random life events we may not want the public to see or know about. We may want to post pictures of children in our lives, while wanting to remain confident that we haven't added any unsafe strangers to our friend list. In many of my talks, I discuss internet safety after having my image stolen  – and I believe in practicing what I preach.

11. We're not your only option.

Did you know that there are likely Facebook support groups for your condition that you can join? Depending on your condition, there may even be support groups in your hometown. Sometimes nonprofits even host events once or twice a year in different cities so you can connect with people in similar health conditions, and to learn about your conditions. I know the Vascular Birthmarks Foundation alternates between the general LA area and New York area every year, and they even have top specialists in the field for port wine stain birthmarks, hemangioma, and Sturge-Weber syndrome, surgeons, and dentists that you can make free appointments with during the events. Usually this event takes place every October.

12. We're only human.

If you think about it, this generation of social media has redefined what it means to be a health advocate. Not only are we advocating in doctor's offices or giving speeches, but we're advocating online and in a digital permanent marker. In a way, we're the first of our kind as we manage our own health, situations that may arise in the doctor's office or when we go out in public, and also online. Many of us are learning as we go, and we're doing our best.

13. It's OK if we decide to "quit," and even we I don't, you're welcome to join us in the advocacy world!

If you want to share your story and join me, your perspective and story are welcome! There's always room at the table for you. Your story is yours, and you can share it or keep it private. That decision is all yours, and both choices are perfectly OK!  The same goes for me. Occasionally, I may be on the quiet side and take a sabbatical. One day I may even decide to switch gears and talk about other important life topics. I'm a woman of many talents and interests. From baking to human trafficking, from photography to travel, who knows if one day I may choose a different focus.

For now, though, I'm continuing the journey as a health advocate. I love what I do and I've enjoyed the journey as an advocate for people with port wine stain birthmarks, Sturge-Weber syndrome, and facial differences. I'm not perfect at my job or in my work, but I promise you that I'm doing my best as I spread awareness about these conditions, and as I teach about kindness.

Thank you for being a part of my journey, and thank you for showing me kindness I spread awareness and advocates – both when I get it right, and even when I get it wrong.

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

20 Experiences From Online Dating With a Facial Difference

Y'all.

I'm pretty sure my last blog entry about starting the online dating journey has been one of my most popular entries in the comment section on social media. I was amazed to how many of you responded, related, and told me, "It's about time you joined!" (At least, that's what my mom said when I told her I joined.)

Since the first blog post last week, many of you keep saying, "I'm anxiously awaiting your next post about this."

Well, update: I joined one more site. (But is anyone really that surprised?)

I know, I know. I was already on three. But, since so many people went on and on about OkCupid, I decided I had to experience it for myself. Also, it's a blog project (with a side of hope to potentially finding someone to connect with)... So why not?

As a pro: So far it's the most interactive site, and out of all four of the ones I'm on, it's the cheapest. Not only that, but after a week on the site, it sent me a map showing me my top five states and countries that I hear from, and my weakest states and countries I hear from. Oh - and if you're considering online dating - you don't have pay to receive and send messages, like so many other sites require you to do.

I'm still not sure where it ranks with all the other sites, but it does have a variety of features most don't seem to have. (At least, in regards to the other three I joined.)

Anyways, here's the online dating update you have all been waiting for.

It's another list, but a little more in-depth. Odds are, not all entries will be in the form of a list. And, if I continue to get this much content every week or two, there will be many more entries to come.

1. I think I'm too sassy for online dating. One guy told me, "I miss your voice." I replied, "You've never heard it."

2. Sending me a message for the very first time, a guy told me, "Sexy - what happened to your face?" I don't even know where to begin with this one... I'm not sure that he realizes those two phrases don't really go together, and that they feel rather contradictory. Also, not all women feel comfortable with a stranger calling them, "sexy." (Or at all, rather.)

3. Another guy sent me a message for the first time. His message read, "FYI, you can use dermablend to cover it." (Referring to my facial birthmark.) I messaged back, "FYI, you clearly didn't read my profile." Told you, online dating is bringing out my sassy side. But, I did hold back from pointing out that "dermablend" should have a capital "d" since it's a name brand. It took all the restraint I had.

4. One guy wanted to meet for a date. He wanted to go for a movie and dinner. I asked, "What about coffee in the afternoon?" He agreed... and proceeded to tell me I'd have to drive to his city 45 miles away to pick him up as he didn't have a "working car."

Bro, it's 2017. Borrow a car. Call an Uber. I'm not going to get in a stranger's car, nor am I letting one in mine.

5. When someone messages me, but they don't show their face in their photos, I don't respond. I feel that if I can share my face in such a public format and be upfront about my birthmark, I don't need to reply to someone who can't show their face too.

6. Chatting with one guy, he told me, "I'm a lot shorter than you." I replied, "Yeah, maybe. But I'm a lot more purple than you." Quick-witted, he messaged back, "You don't know that. I could have my whole body tattooed purple." Instant kudos to him for rolling with my birthmark joke.

7. Texting with a guy, he wrote me and said, "You're one of the best texters I've seen in years." Jokingly, he continued with, "That alone is engagement ring worthy."

What can I say? I'm quite the texting catch.

8. To add to my list of conditions other guys have been open about, I've now also seen profiles that mention missing limbs, diabetes, and facial differences - including one guy who has the same birthmark that I have. Talking with him, he said, "I've tried treatments and read blogs from other people with the same condition." Little did he know, he'd make it into mine.

9. When I glance at people's profiles, I've realized that many 60-something year olds think they can pass at 25 year olds.  Although, I'm sure plenty of women are not honest about their age as well.

10. I've had a couple of guys express that they'd like to take me on a date. For some, asking me out was their first-ever message to me, and for others, we had already been talking for a few days. Yet, anytime a guy asks me, I freak out, "What if they're a serial killer - or something else super dramatic?" Then I rationalize, "Wait. I'm online on the same app, and I'm not a serial killer."

Realization: I think I've seen too many episodes of "Criminal Minds."

However, for a variety of reasons, I still have yet to agree to anyone who wants to take me out. So far they've either been a bit too pushy with too many red flags, it was too fast for them to ask, or it just didn't feel right.

11. Chatting with one guy on the phone for the first time, he was instantly ready to delete his profile 30 minutes into the discussion. And he kept trying to convince me to delete mine. I kept insisting that I had to meet him first and get to know him before I made that decision - while not wanting to also explain, "I'd like to meet someone - but this is also for a blogging project." Regardless if I were blogging about the online dating experience or not, that's a bit fast to ask someone to delete their profile.

12. Having a retired correctional officer as a dad has not gone to waste. All my childhood training on types of tattoos has come in handy as I sift through profiles. Tear drop tattoos on the face? Spider web tats on the elbow? Who knew this knowledge would come in so handy in my adulthood.

13. As I was talking with a guy who messaged me, this is how our conversation went:

Him: What do you do for a living?
Me: I'm an editor.
Him: Ohhhh that is very good.
Me: Yeah, I like it.
Him: I like that!!!!
Him: Wow.
Him: You are very very intelligent!!!!! Very good.
Me: Thanks. It's really just like a grammatical Easter egg hunt.
Him: You're very positive, I like that. And you have a very nice spark. I love that!!!
Me: Thanks.

Eventually I let the conversation die down. I couldn't handle the redundancy of, "I love that," or "I like that." He used those phrases so much, it felt a bit condescending. (There were also a few other annoyances.) Eventually he started messaging me every hour, saying "hi" and "hello." Growing tired of him blowing up my phone through the app, I took away his "chatting privileges" - an option Zoosk offers that I'm incredibly thankful for.

14. After a guy asked me, "Do you know any Spanish?" I explained I only knew a few words here and there - I didn't know it well at all. And I asked if he knew the language. He explained that he was Mexican and that he did know the language. Shortly after, he asked, "Can you tell me in Spanish?" I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing at all. Language wise, all I currently have to offer in Spanish is basically, "Hola quesadilla, underwear, and chicken taco. How are you?" (Although, I really do want to learn more.)

15. Many "men" aren't very gentlemen-like. Real talk. I know I'm on the more conservative side on the sex issue. Just writing number two on this list made me feel awkward, and I doubled checked with several people if it was OK to share the comment that was made to me. Once I had the approval of a pastor's wife, I decided to just go with it and share the blunt realities of this experience.

Yet, I'm not sure why a good chunk of men think they can get away with some of the personal and invasive questions they ask. I've even found myself bluntly asking, "Why is this such a common question on these stupid sites?" Four times in one day I was asked the same question, being told that I hadn't had "certain experiences" yet, that they wouldn't date me. That it "wouldn't work out." Not to be redundant with a line I used in my last blog entry, but... #ByeFelicia

16. I feel like I'm paying for guys to treat me disrespectfully. From comments about covering my birthmark with makeup to other innapropriate topics... A true gentlemen would not say, nor ask, the things 98 percent of these men are saying and asking. And, to clarify, it doesn't matter if I'm on Christian Mingle, OkCupid, Zoosk, or Match.com.

17. A guy messaged me on one of the apps. As we got talking, he asked me if I went to a specific high school - and I had. Turns out we went to high school together. I was surprised he remembered me, as I don't think we ever talked... Then again, I guess I do have an unforgettable face. ;-)

18. One guy's initial message read, "You are so beautiful. I love the color purple, and it looks so good on you." Another guy told me I had an "exquisite look." Again... I love the instant comfortability that some guys show.

19. When you share that you're online dating, people on your Facebook friend list (who don't even know each other) bond over digital "romance" stories - the good and the bad. Also, the singles randomly appearing in your inbox can turn out to be a nice surprise. (I even have had stranger a in Spain who read my blog email me about my singleness, wanting to set up Skype conversations if I am still "looking for a relationship.") If anything, I'm glad people have reached out - whether it was to inquire about putting an end to my singleness, or to relate to the tales never-ending.

20. I'm starting to think it would have been much easier to ask friends on social media if they had any single friends they thought would be compatible. There has to be a better, classier way to find someone.

Nearly a month in, I'm still trying to figure out what I think about online dating. There are days where I don't like it - at all. There are days where, like I said above, I feel like I'm paying to be disrespected. Then there are days where I can't help but think, "This is awesome!" as I chat with a really kind guy, who is more gentlemen-like than the majority I've interacted with on all the sites combined.

Yet, if I'm honest... By seeing the reactions from family and friends about my online dating experiences, I'm starting to wonder if just doing a basic, classy, non-desperate post of, "I'm single and ready to mingle," is all that it could potentially take. Who knows - you might see that kind of post and reply, "Oh, I know someone who is perfect for you!" to, "Hey. Remember me? I'd love to chat and see if there's something there worth pursuing between us."

And, as I relay all the stories and experiences to my mom, she even pointed out to me last night, "You know what's interesting? It seems, so far, that the guy you're interested in the most isn't even one you met on any of the sites."

Maybe, just maybe, being honest and saying to the world, "This is where I'm at," is all it takes.

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

25 Insights to Online Dating – From a Gal With a Facial Difference

You guys. I did it. I joined a dating site.

Wait.

Actually, I joined three.

About 75 percent was due to thinking, "This would provide great blogging content," and 25 percent was because I'm curious to see what the odds are I might meet someone. I've done a lot of traveling and have made my way around the world, but I've never had much luck in the dating department. And, now that I work from home, I don't leave the house as much as I used to, which means I don't meet a lot of new people - unless I'm out speaking, traveling, or at the Dutch Bros or Target check-out line.

I've been trying to decide when to reveal my new online dating hobby. Should I sign up, complete my subscriptions to the sites I joined, and then share on my blog? Or should I share as it is taking place? But then my friend told me I should do it as I go along, to help keep people enlightened on the experiences - and entertained. (She also told me, "then you can do a highlight reel once you've married Prince Charming" - so stay tuned for that one, y'all.)

While doing some research, some sites recommended not to join more than one to two sites at a time, in fear that the subscribed member will be overwhelmed with too many fish in the sea. But real talk. It takes a special kind of guy who will date a girl with a facial difference. And he has to be a Christian. I don't think I'll be swimming in an overstuffed ocean, so two weeks ago, I joined three sites (in this order):

1. Christian Mingle

2. Match (#2 Dating Site)

3. Zoosk (#1 Dating Site)

Christian Mingle was oddly silent, which is why I added Match to the list. But curiosity for the number one dating site also struck, and that's where I decided to add one last site.

While creating my profile, I mentioned I didn't care where people lived, that I wanted a Christian man, and my birthmark is obvious in my profile pictures - and I even mention it in my profile.

The concept of online dating has always been an odd one as someone with a facial difference. There was fear of honesty, "Will someone steal my image and turn me into a meme again?" But, I also embrace who I am as I am, and my birthmark is usually pretty good about weeding shallow people out of my life. After hearing from women who have been in makeup since the age of two, and women who have been forced to wear makeup to bed by their husbands - I needed to let the men know that this is me, and I don't feel the need to hide how God has made me. And, as I made the decision to be bluntly honest about my birthmark, I thought, "Well, I've already been a meme once." And I don't want to live in a mindset of fear. I wanted to be me, without the filters - whether they be digitally or cosmetically created.

My profile bio slightly varies from site to site, but here is the core of all three:

"I'm a 'God-sized' dreamer filled with humor, compassion, and adventure. I'm a frequent baker, photographer, and traveller. My beat-up passport has taken me to 14 countries - most recently to Taiwan. American Sign Language is my second language, although I'd love to learn Spanish next. I make it a point to laugh every day - even if means laughing at myself...because hey, laughter is the best. My favorite color is blue, unless glitter is an option. Then it's glitter...always, always glitter. 

Currently I'm an editor for a news organization in the LA area, but I work from home. Distance isn't an issue for me as I can take my work with me wherever I go.

I'm not like most gals. I mean, no one is exactly the same - which is one thing that makes this world such an incredible, beautiful place. We're all different, I just wear one of my differences on the outside. I have a purple birthmark that has been hanging out on the left side of my face my whole life. My birthmark doesn't define me, but the tales are never ending as it continues to help me grow as a person. I'm 100% open about it and don't feel the need to hide it. I mean, seriously...Purple is one of my favorite colors, and I get to wear it every single day. What's not to love? ;-) 

I'd love to meet someone here who loves a good adventure, has a good sense of humor, and who values their family. Also, someone who sees the beauty and importance of putting God in the middle of the relationship."

My profile photo on all the sites.

As I spend time online, connecting with a variety of people, here are some of my thoughts and experiences as an online dating newbie:

1. Online dating makes me feel like I'm Amazon shopping for men. Though, I have been told I'm a pro and finding awesome things online... So, maybe the odds are in my favor. But, I figure I've met many of my dear friends online - why not a potential future husband?

2. My photos of my birthmark made a 48-year-old man "tear up," but that's OK. He's an "emotional man." (I'm still trying to figure out why a 48-year-old man was viewing my profile, as a 25-year-old.)

3. The Christian dating site is a lot quieter than the non-Christian dating site. In the back of my mind, I can't help but wonder if silence is why so many Christian singles I know (including myself) are struggling to find someone.

4. Within the first discussion, a man insisted to know how much cooking and cleaning I'd do if we got married, and how much money I was willing to contribute for buying a house. When I refused to answer, he replied, "I guess you expect the man to pay for everything." Replying, I told him that I felt he was wanting to get to know my assets before he got to know me, to deem if I were dateable. I then decided I wasn't going to reply to any more of his messages.

5. After being asked if I wanted to have children one day, a man went on a long rant about how most women only want children so they can "feed off the man the old fashioned way..." and that we need to make sure we don't overwhelm ourselves in the "awful economy."

6. I've noticed that most men don't like showing happiness or joy in their profile photos, and many "forget" to put on a shirt. Unless their shirt was stolen, then I can't blame them for looking mad. (Smile guys - your smile is much hotter than an angry looking man who forgot to get dressed.)

7. It's interesting to see what people pick up on their first message. For one, it was that I'm bilingual in sign language. One man also replied that my username made them laugh, and that purple is their favorite color. Both won instant gold stickers for reading my profile...but the second guy got even more props due to instant comfortability with my birthmark.

8. Holding a conversation with a guy, he asked me, "Have you ever dated a black dude before?" But, it wasn't his first time asking me that question. So, I pointed out his repetitiveness and added, "Have you ever dated a gal with a half a purple face before?" Match.com showed he read the message, but he never replied.  Oops.

9. I felt very awkward sharing with anyone I joined the online dating world. Two weeks in, I finally shared about it with one of my closest of friends, and then a few days later I finally told my mom. After those initial two people, I the nerves were gone and I didn't mind telling anyone else.

10. Others are open about their medical conditions on their profiles as well. And it doesn't matter whether they have an "invisible" condition or a physical difference. So far I've seen guys open up about their eye patches (due to cancer), vitiligo, epilepsy, and autism.

11. At least half the men that I've started a conversation with have wanted to instantly figure out our lives together before we even know each other's names. Reading their quickly written, passionate messages, I'm left on my end with a loss of words.

12. A man wrote on his profile that his aunt, who is a nun, visits regularly. I love a guy with a close family, but I'm still perplexed as to why that was news worthy on his profile.

13. It's awkward to see someone you know on the same dating site. It shouldn't be. You're single, he's single... and it's 2017. Although, that may just be an awkward thing for me, considering I'm always awkward around people I have a slight interest in - and that includes this guy.

14. One guy shared on his profile, "I don't judge women by their appearances." But, on a lot of these dating sites, you can get very specific about the kind of person you're looking for. According to his list, he was very particular about the kind of woman he was looking for, ranging from her height, hair and eye color, to her body type.

15. Online dating makes me question my writing abilities, from my own profile to the messages I send. Do guys not reply because they haven't fully subscribed to the site? Because my profile says I'm an "editor," and I have a typo in the mix? I don't feel natural when I'm in the online dating world, and find myself often fumbling over my keyboard.

16. I was chatting with a nice guy, until he told me he produces porn. #ByeFelicia

17. When I asked one man about his faith and if he went to church, he told me, "I do have a church in the area. (I) was more involved in attending services while in a relationship. Maybe (I) just need the direction of a good woman holding my hand and guiding us back into the church together." Yeah, uh, no...That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works.

18. Grammar matters to me more than I realized was possible. (Proof: I edited the message I shared on number 15 before sharing it on my blog.)

19. Most men don't pay attention that I'm an editor, or maybe they don't care when they type their messages without punctuation or capitalization. And when they message me, I have a hard time turning my editor side off when reading what they send. But, I'm the kind of gal who, when sees a typo on a website, emails the person running it to let them know there is an error.

20. I've realized it's hard to know when you should give your number, if asked, or when it's OK to ask if you can send yours.

21. Apparently every man online is "funny," according to every profile that is filled out.

22. It's hard to balance people wanting to add me on Facebook, and my thinking, "But I want to blog about you..."

23. On these sites, they have you judge if you want to meet someone by their photo alone. They show the photo online, not sharing their username or giving you the ability to view their profile - until you rank you want to meet them. It feels very shallow to me to judge if I want to meet someone by their looks alone, like some of these sites ask you to do. A guy's appearance is not why I'm on there. Looks are ever fleeting, their foundation and core of who they are is what lasts.

24. On all three profiles, I told the dating sites I only wanted to date Christian men. I didn't mark any specifics on how much he had to earn, his body type, height, hair color or eye color...I didn't even care about distance. ('Cause you know, I'm the "travelin' chick.") Yet, the two non-Christian ones are constantly sending me profiles of people with different religious beliefs, atheists, and agnostics... Which I think is super odd.

25. Several guys have written to me to ask, "What happened to your face?" This is another sign that many didn't read my profile.

Two weeks into the online dating world, that's pretty much the basics of where I'm at - with both my experiences, observations and feelings.

...But don't worry, I'll keep you posted as I go from an online dating novice to becoming a pro. ;-)

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

What 'Beauty and the Beast' Taught Me as a Child With a Facial Difference

I finally saw Beauty and the Beast this weekend.

It was incredible.

While in recent years I've become an advocate of how villains are portrayed in movies, the 1991 cartoon version of this movie has been a constant favorite in my life.

I don't remember the first time I saw the movie, but I was young.

I loved Belle's personality. She had a sense of adventure, daring to be herself - regardless of what the townspeople said about her. Oh, and she loved her books. While they never showed her as a writer, I often pretended in my childhood that she enjoyed holding a pen to a piece of paper as much as I did.

But, as a child with a facial difference, my reason for loving this movie was so much more than relating to the beautiful Disney princess.

You see, I was born with a purple port wine stain birthmark that covers half my face.  Three in 1,000 have my condition, but as a child, I didn't know anyone else with a facial difference - let alone anyone with the same condition. Facebook support groups for people with birthmarks weren't a thing, and we still had dial-up.

Watching the movie's story-line unfold in front of me, I was in awe...Especially when Belle fell in love with the Beast.

Often, as a child, I would forget about my birthmark. Unless someone made a comment, stared, or I had a medical treatment, it wasn't the focus on my life. I was just a kid. I was just like everyone else. I was focused on hanging out with my cousin, watching "Boy Meets World," and building things with my Legos.

But, in that moment where Belle started to develop feelings for the Beast, I remembered my birthmark. I remembered my unique physical appearance.

"People who look 'different,' can find love too. Maybe someone will one day fall in love with me," I remember myself thinking.

At around 6 years old, I don't recall ever worrying about dating or finding love. I don't recall ever wondering if I would ever marry, or if anyone of the opposite gender would ever be able to see past my face's two-shaded skin tone. But as I watched Belle and the Beast fall in love, the thought of love was planted in my mind, and it would never leave.

I'm now 25 and still very much single. "Beauty and the Beast" still remains my favorite Disney film, but now we have high-speed internet, and Facebook groups for a variety of topics - including some for people with birthmarks like my own.

Discovering these social media groups for the first time, around the age of 21, I never realized how much I craved to connect with other people with the same condition. I made new friends with similar appearances, with similar stories.

Then, one day, the question emerged from my mind, "How many people who look like me have found love? How many are married, or are dating?"

I then found myself shamelessly clicking from profile to profile, curious on their marital status. My 21 years old, single self needed to know it was possible. I needed to know that the concept of "Beauty and the Beast" wasn't just a Hollywood story-line.

Last night, I asked my mom, "I know it was a different time with different resources when I was born, but did you ever consider trying to find someone with the same birthmark for me to connect with?"

She told me that she never thought to ask, as that seemed to be the farthest thing from the doctor's minds.

And for the first time, I told her about why I truly loved "Beauty and the Beast." I told her, "Growing up, I saw many married couples. But all those couples had typical appearances, none of them looked like me. 'Beauty and the Beast' was the first time I realized that people like myself could find love too."

As an adult, I see the even deeper connections I feel with the Beast. Like the Beast, society has a hard time seeing past the appearance. Like the Beast, rumors about my appearance travel. Like him, I'm often misunderstood and mistreated - all because of how I look. And also, his name. He's literally known as "the Beast." While several know me by name, as Crystal, strangers often refer to me by my appearance. And even some friends, who have known me my whole life, my name still doesn't go beyond the phrase of, "The girl who has something wrong with her face."

In a season and society of high expectations where where I've been asked to be on a show called Too Ugly For Love, Body Fixers, The Undateables, and where I've been called "contagious," and "ugly," by blunt strangers....Beauty and the Beast gives me hope. One day, it's possible that I may meet someone who won't "shudder" when they touch "my paw." He may even love both me, and my birthmark - maybe just as much as I do. To one man, one day, I may be known as so much more than "the girl who has something wrong with her face."

The Travelin' Chick,

Crystal

Side note: As an adult, thinking about the movie through my advocate-tented-glasses, beyond my personal, childhood, experience, there are many other issues I could cover. But, if you'd like to read about those, feel free to check out this article by my friend, Carly.

To the Woman Who Feels She Can't Leave Her House Without Makeup On

A sweet gal from the Ukraine wrote to me today and shared that she has the same type of birthmark that I have.

Reading her words, she told me, "I am afraid to leave the house without cosmetics. How do you live without cosmetics? I'm afraid people will laugh at me and don't want to communicate with me."

I read messages like this on a weekly basis, and my heart breaks...Every. Single. Time.

My heart breaks, because I get it. I've been in her shoes...Afraid others will laugh, afraid of what others will say.

In fact, I've been in situations where people have done just that.

I've had to tell people to stop staring at me, and they've laughed as they continue their forever-long, awkward gaze.

A woman working at a well-known department store once refused to talk to me the whole time I sat in her cosmetics chair, as she put makeup on my face...Once I sat in her chair, she instantly switched gears and chose to only speak to to my mom. Sitting in her chair, she began to only see me as a birthmark, forgetting to see me as a person. Instead of feeling beautiful after my makeover, I left our session with a broken heart and my confidence feeling depleted.

People have told me I must be contagious, and they've even cursed in reaction to my face.

In addition, my image was once stolen, commented on by thousands of strangers writing their unkind words and opinions next to my unknown face, on the unexpected, popular Facebook post.

My heart breaks that this has to even be an issue in society - regardless of the country and culture people are born into.

But here's the thing...

In my journey, I've learned a lot.

When I went viral to over 30 million people, and endured some intense cyberbullying, I questioned many things. I remember asking myself, "Am I making life more difficult by not covering my birthmark? Should I be investing in the expensive, uncomfortable makeup, made for conditions like mine?"

It took a while, and with the help of my family and friends, I finally came to an important "ah-ha" moment.

A little foundation on my cheeks can't be the foundation of my confidence. That is not where my identity lies.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I like makeup. It's artsy and I think it's quite fun. Plenty of makeup brands sit in my own cabnent. But, I've always been taught that makeup is meant to enhance our natural beauty - not to hide it.

I am so much more than my birthmark on my face, and honestly - I think it's beautiful. Some have told me that it reminds them of a heart. Others have told me they love the ombre affect, and all the colors mixed within it.

I think it's beautiful, and hope the whole world sees it the same way one day.

And most of all? I've learned that with every cruel person, there are at least two or more people who are kind. People who are encouraging me on my journey, who see beyond my obvious difference.

Maybe you're in the same situation as the gal who messaged me - and maybe you don't even have a birthmark like ours. Maybe you've struggled with accepting your natural appearance, afraid to leave the house without a few layers of makeup on your face.

I've heard from a lot of people over the last few years, and I know she's not the only one who struggles with the same topic. Better yet, I know I'm not the only one who has struggled with the topic. Overtime, I've heard from woman who have been put in makeup at the age of two (yes - you read that right), and from women who's husbands have forced them to wear makeup to bed.

Ladies, I'm sorry that society has told us that we aren't acceptable to go out into the world just as we are.

I'm sorry that others have twisted the concept of beauty, turning it into a competitive sport, rather than treating us as a one-of-a-kind, priceless gem that we are.

I'm sorry there is an industry that has made millions off of our insecurities.

I apologize that it hasn't been reinforced enough that we can see the beauty in others, without tearing ourselves down in the process.

I wish we weren't handed a box on the day we are born, one full of society's unrealistic expectations...One that we feel we have to tightly squeeze into for the rest of our lives.

But hey. Guess what?

You're right. Others are beautiful...But can I tell you a secret?

Just because we see the beauty in other people, that doesn't make our beauty any less.

Iron sharpens iron, remember?

Regardless of what others and the world may try to tell you...

You are beautiful. (Or swagful, if you're a dude reading this.)

You are unique.

You are one-of-a kind.

You are beautifully and wonderfully made.

You are a rockstar in the skin you're in.

...And I hope you never forget that.

The Travelin Chick,
Crystal

Recognizing Beauty in the Brokenness: K-LOVE Radio Interview

It's no secret that I'm a big dreamer...A "God-sized dreamer".

One of my many God-sized dreams was to share my story with K-LOVE Radio...And today that dream became a God-sized reality.

When I first became a meme and went viral to over 30 million people - all because of my physical difference (a port wine stain birthmark - and Sturge-Weber Syndrome), I struggled; and I'm sure reading over 30,000 comments from total strangers probably didn't help much.

Pain overwhelmed my heart, and I had some incredibly dark days.  Many days I knew God would create something beautiful from the ugly situation I found myself in.  But there were days where I could only focus on the cracks that temporarily shattered my heart.

Although my heart has done a lot of healing, I still vividly remember the initial struggle.  I remember the pain, I remember how my journey took a drastic change two years ago.

Every time God takes one of my dreams and turns it into reality, I can't help but feel all the emotions...especially the sense of being overwhelmed with his love and purpose for my life.

The Japanese culture has a special tradition when certain things break...and while many may think this is a stretch - I feel God's response to our broken hearts is similar to their tradition.

When items break in Japan, "instead of tossing these pieces in the trash, some craftsmen practice the 500-year-old art of kintsugi, or 'golden joinery', which is a method of restoring a broken piece with a lacquer that is mixed with gold, silver, or platinum."

They do this to celebrate that items history, its story, its worth.  Even though it breaks, they still see it's value, adding even more value to the cracks with gold or silver - while most cultures have a tendency to just throw the broken things out.

But I feel God reacts in a similar way to our brokenness, if we stay willing and allow him to do so.  He recognizes the beauty in our brokenness, and He honors it. While our brokenness and cracks often make us feel worthless and damaged, he can fill in our gaps with a valuable, irreplaceable, beauty - like the Japanese do with the broken items and gold.  We feel like our value is gone, but God's saying, "just you wait and see."

Being cyberbullied and mocked for my appearance was shattering.  Yet, there's no way I could have ever imagined all that He had planned for the two years to follow: having a key group of friends surround me and lift me back up, sharing the stage with Natalie Grant, interviewing with K-LOVE, going on the TD Jakes Show (which aired on OWN: Oprah Winfery Network), being interviewed by People Magazine, amongst many other things?  Wow...What beauty.

If you're reading this and find yourself in dark times, fumbling around to find a light switch - know that I am praying for you.  I pray you'll hold on tight, and stay willing and ready for God to use you and your story - as He fills your cracks and brokenness with golds and silvers.

K-LOVE is one of my all-time favorite radio stations that I grew up with, and they're doing some incredible things around the world. I hope that I can work with them in the future, as more doors begin to open.  (And trust me - I think 2017 is going to be a BIG year with BIG, beautiful things to come.)

It's always been my goal to "make a difference with my difference" - and I'm so thankful for the opportunity to do so with K-LOVE.

Thank you, K-LOVE, for the opportunity, and for creating some beauty with my on-going story.

Check out the article they've written about my story.  Also included is one of my videos, a link to my blog, and my interview with them is listed at the bottom:

http://www.klove.com/news/2017/01/06/god-turns-cyberbullying-into-a-platform-for-true-beauty/

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal Hodges

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