Wednesday, July 26, 2017

20 Experiences From Online Dating With a Facial Difference


I'm pretty sure my last blog entry about starting the online dating journey has been one of my most popular entries in the comment section on social media. I was amazed to how many of you responded, related, and told me, "It's about time you joined!" (At least, that's what my mom said when I told her I joined.)

Since the first blog post last week, many of you keep saying, "I'm anxiously awaiting your next post about this."

Well, update: I joined one more site. (But is anyone really that surprised?)

I know, I know. I was already on three. But, since so many people went on and on about OkCupid, I decided I had to experience it for myself. Also, it's a blog project (with a side of hope to potentially finding someone to connect with)... So why not?

As a pro: So far it's the most interactive site, and out of all four of the ones I'm on, it's the cheapest. Not only that, but after a week on the site, it sent me a map showing me my top five states and countries that I hear from, and my weakest states and countries I hear from. Oh - and if you're considering online dating - you don't have pay to receive and send messages, like so many other sites require you to do.

I'm still not sure where it ranks with all the other sites, but it does have a variety of features most don't seem to have. (At least, in regards to the other three I joined.)

Anyways, here's the online dating update you have all been waiting for.

It's another list, but a little more in-depth. Odds are, not all entries will be in the form of a list. And, if I continue to get this much content every week or two, there will be many more entries to come.

1. I think I'm too sassy for online dating. One guy told me, "I miss your voice." I replied, "You've never heard it."

2. Sending me a message for the very first time, a guy told me, "Sexy - what happened to your face?" I don't even know where to begin with this one... I'm not sure that he realizes those two phrases don't really go together, and that they feel rather contradictory. Also, not all women feel comfortable with a stranger calling them, "sexy." (Or at all, rather.)

3. Another guy sent me a message for the first time. His message read, "FYI, you can use dermablend to cover it." (Referring to my facial birthmark.) I messaged back, "FYI, you clearly didn't read my profile." Told you, online dating is bringing out my sassy side. But, I did hold back from pointing out that "dermablend" should have a capital "d" since it's a name brand. It took all the restraint I had.

4. One guy wanted to meet for a date. He wanted to go for a movie and dinner. I asked, "What about coffee in the afternoon?" He agreed... and proceeded to tell me I'd have to drive to his city 45 miles away to pick him up as he didn't have a "working car."

Bro, it's 2017. Borrow a car. Call an Uber. I'm not going to get in a stranger's car, nor am I letting one in mine.

5. When someone messages me, but they don't show their face in their photos, I don't respond. I feel that if I can share my face in such a public format and be upfront about my birthmark, I don't need to reply to someone who can't show their face too.

6. Chatting with one guy, he told me, "I'm a lot shorter than you." I replied, "Yeah, maybe. But I'm a lot more purple than you." Quick-witted, he messaged back, "You don't know that. I could have my whole body tattooed purple." Instant kudos to him for rolling with my birthmark joke.

7. Texting with a guy, he wrote me and said, "You're one of the best texters I've seen in years." Jokingly, he continued with, "That alone is engagement ring worthy."

What can I say? I'm quite the texting catch.

8. To add to my list of conditions other guys have been open about, I've now also seen profiles that mention missing limbs, diabetes, and facial differences - including one guy who has the same birthmark that I have. Talking with him, he said, "I've tried treatments and read blogs from other people with the same condition." Little did he know, he'd make it into mine.

9. When I glance at people's profiles, I've realized that many 60-something year olds think they can pass at 25 year olds.  Although, I'm sure plenty of women are not honest about their age as well.

10. I've had a couple of guys express that they'd like to take me on a date. For some, asking me out was their first-ever message to me, and for others, we had already been talking for a few days. Yet, anytime a guy asks me, I freak out, "What if they're a serial killer - or something else super dramatic?" Then I rationalize, "Wait. I'm online on the same app, and I'm not a serial killer."

Realization: I think I've seen too many episodes of "Criminal Minds."

However, for a variety of reasons, I still have yet to agree to anyone who wants to take me out. So far they've either been a bit too pushy with too many red flags, it was too fast for them to ask, or it just didn't feel right.

11. Chatting with one guy on the phone for the first time, he was instantly ready to delete his profile 30 minutes into the discussion. And he kept trying to convince me to delete mine. I kept insisting that I had to meet him first and get to know him before I made that decision - while not wanting to also explain, "I'd like to meet someone - but this is also for a blogging project." Regardless if I were blogging about the online dating experience or not, that's a bit fast to ask someone to delete their profile.

12. Having a retired correctional officer as a dad has not gone to waste. All my childhood training on types of tattoos has come in handy as I sift through profiles. Tear drop tattoos on the face? Spider web tats on the elbow? Who knew this knowledge would come in so handy in my adulthood.

13. As I was talking with a guy who messaged me, this is how our conversation went:

Him: What do you do for a living?
Me: I'm an editor.
Him: Ohhhh that is very good.
Me: Yeah, I like it.
Him: I like that!!!!
Him: Wow.
Him: You are very very intelligent!!!!! Very good.
Me: Thanks. It's really just like a grammatical Easter egg hunt.
Him: You're very positive, I like that. And you have a very nice spark. I love that!!!
Me: Thanks.

Eventually I let the conversation die down. I couldn't handle the redundancy of, "I love that," or "I like that." He used those phrases so much, it felt a bit condescending. (There were also a few other annoyances.) Eventually he started messaging me every hour, saying "hi" and "hello." Growing tired of him blowing up my phone through the app, I took away his "chatting privileges" - an option Zoosk offers that I'm incredibly thankful for.

14. After a guy asked me, "Do you know any Spanish?" I explained I only knew a few words here and there - I didn't know it well at all. And I asked if he knew the language. He explained that he was Mexican and that he did know the language. Shortly after, he asked, "Can you tell me in Spanish?" I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing at all. Language wise, all I currently have to offer in Spanish is basically, "Hola quesadilla, underwear, and chicken taco. How are you?" (Although, I really do want to learn more.)

15. Many "men" aren't very gentlemen-like. Real talk. I know I'm on the more conservative side on the sex issue. Just writing number two on this list made me feel awkward, and I doubled checked with several people if it was OK to share the comment that was made to me. Once I had the approval of a pastor's wife, I decided to just go with it and share the blunt realities of this experience.

Yet, I'm not sure why a good chunk of men think they can get away with some of the personal and invasive questions they ask. I've even found myself bluntly asking, "Why is this such a common question on these stupid sites?" Four times in one day I was asked the same question, being told that I hadn't had "certain experiences" yet, that they wouldn't date me. That it "wouldn't work out." Not to be redundant with a line I used in my last blog entry, but... #ByeFelicia

16. I feel like I'm paying for guys to treat me disrespectfully. From comments about covering my birthmark with makeup to other innapropriate topics... A true gentlemen would not say, nor ask, the things 98 percent of these men are saying and asking. And, to clarify, it doesn't matter if I'm on Christian Mingle, OkCupid, Zoosk, or

17. A guy messaged me on one of the apps. As we got talking, he asked me if I went to a specific high school - and I had. Turns out we went to high school together. I was surprised he remembered me, as I don't think we ever talked... Then again, I guess I do have an unforgettable face. ;-)

18. One guy's initial message read, "You are so beautiful. I love the color purple, and it looks so good on you." Another guy told me I had an "exquisite look." Again... I love the instant comfortability that some guys show.

19. When you share that you're online dating, people on your Facebook friend list (who don't even know each other) bond over digital "romance" stories - the good and the bad. Also, the singles randomly appearing in your inbox can turn out to be a nice surprise. (I even have had stranger a in Spain who read my blog email me about my singleness, wanting to set up Skype conversations if I am still "looking for a relationship.") If anything, I'm glad people have reached out - whether it was to inquire about putting an end to my singleness, or to relate to the tales never-ending.

20. I'm starting to think it would have been much easier to ask friends on social media if they had any single friends they thought would be compatible. There has to be a better, classier way to find someone.

Nearly a month in, I'm still trying to figure out what I think about online dating. There are days where I don't like it - at all. There are days where, like I said above, I feel like I'm paying to be disrespected. Then there are days where I can't help but think, "This is awesome!" as I chat with a really kind guy, who is more gentlemen-like than the majority I've interacted with on all the sites combined.

Yet, if I'm honest... By seeing the reactions from family and friends about my online dating experiences, I'm starting to wonder if just doing a basic, classy, non-desperate post of, "I'm single and ready to mingle," is all that it could potentially take. Who knows - you might see that kind of post and reply, "Oh, I know someone who is perfect for you!" to, "Hey. Remember me? I'd love to chat and see if there's something there worth pursuing between us."

And, as I relay all the stories and experiences to my mom, she even pointed out to me last night, "You know what's interesting? It seems, so far, that the guy you're interested in the most isn't even one you met on any of the sites."

Maybe, just maybe, being honest and saying to the world, "This is where I'm at," is all it takes.

The Travelin' Chick,


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