Saturday, February 4, 2012
Outside My Window
Every so often I look outside my window and can't help but think, "I'm in London...I'm actually in London. Wow." I've been here a week now. I've been gone for almost 3 weeks total. Yet, somehow, it still puts me in awe that I am here. That I've left home for the next several months to live in a complete different country.
Tonight is one of those nights. Currently it is snowing in London. For the first time I see London fog starting to hover over the neighborhoods around me. The snow falling from the sky is getting heavier and heavier. I'm in London. Wow...I can't believe I am here.
Why am I still in such shock? Good question. One I've thought about since arriving in Germany and have actually come up with an answer.
When I think, "Wow! I'm in London! I can't believe it!" I think of my past year. I think of my story, of which I know is still in the making. I think of all that God has brought my family and I through over the last several years, but specifically this last year of 2011. The pain, tears, and heartache come to my mind. Not only has God brought me a long way physically, but He has brought me a long way emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Sure...I still struggle due to all that occured. Each day is still a slight struggle, some harder then others... But it's not the same kind of struggle it was even just a few months ago. My heart still aches but it doesn't shatter. The pain isn't nearly as agonizing, and while some days or moments are still painful for me, usually it's more of a calmer sorrow and a reminder.
I think another reason it puts me in awe is because almost all my time in 2011 was focused on family. It was focused on helping one another make it through the stormy season. Many times that included lending my umbrella (AKA: help, time, energy) when the clouds shifted over each one of us at different times. While I was focused on London, I wasn't focused 100% as most of the focus was used to be with and help family, as well as making it out of the storm. During this time I also talked about London. I talked about where I was going, what I was doing, and I started my fundraising. Now? Now it's not all talk. It's all action. I'm not talking about going to London anymore. I am HERE.
I'm only here for 4-5 months. Regardless of how long or short of a time I am here it is a learning experience. There are thoughts, emotions, frustrations, culture shock, that I will go through. It's an adventure. Sometimes easy, sometimes more difficult.
Where am I mentally at now? I'm still in awe that I am here. I'm in awe, but I have honestly had my moments of being overwhelmed. I've had moments of up and down times. Excitement and stress. There is a lot to take in, new names to remember, new streets to travel (and also to remember! My spiritual gift is SOOO not with directions when traveling...ha!). All I have to remember, no matter what I am feeling, experiencing, or thinking: Every adventure has a road. Every road has it's short cuts, smooth pavement, potholes, pretty scenery, and sometimes we get a little lost along the way. That's what an adventure is all about I suppose, as long as we are willing to observe, learn, embrace it, are willing to be flexible, and live it to the fullest.
The Travelin' Chick,
PS: This is just a brief note that I hope to elaborate on a little more in the future. Or at least, this note briefly touches some of the topics I hope to cover later on of some of my thoughts, emotions, lessons…