God-Sized Dreams: Sharing the Stage with Natalie Grant

Around 8 years ago, I went to an event called The Revolve Tour, which was a Christian teen girl event.   I remember loving every second of that weekend event, but was extra excited about my all-time favorite singer, Natalie Grant, being there.

About 8 years ago at the Revolve Tour.
#BeforeTheDaysOfSelfies

Not only did Natalie sing, but she also shared a bit of her testimony.  She shared about her struggles with bulimia, but also about Christ's love that reminded her of her worth and beauty.  Sitting just three rows from the stage, I remember thinking to myself, "That's what I want to do.  I want to be a speaker and help impact lives for Christ."  Yet, just as quickly as that thought came into my mind, I told myself, "But...I don't have a story to tell."

And bam.  After that one simple thought, I forgot all about my 3-second-long calling.  Because, you know...I didn't have a story to tell, which also meant that I didn't have anything to say.

Fast forward about 5 years.

Long story short: It took a while, but I've learned I do have a story to tell.  Even without my photo going viral (due to a facial birthmark - a port wine stain), I had a story to tell just by being born the way I was born.  In the last few years, I have rediscovered my desire to be a speaker as well as my desire to write several books.  

When people first meet me, it doesn't take long for them to realize that I'm a dreamer.  But more specifically?  I'm a God-sized dreamer.  ('Cause hey, guys, with God, anything is possible.)

I started a God-sized dream board soon after my photo went viral.  When my photo went viral, I struggled.  I was discouraged, hurt, frustrated, while feeling both incredibly isolated and misunderstood.  There were days where I would feel and know in the depths of my soul, "God is going to do something great with this mess of a situation!"  But, there were those days where the darkness would take over, filled with pain and discouragement, "God, I'm hurting.  How can you do anything beautiful with what's taking place?  Why would I even be worth of you doing something great with this?"

Although I strived to see the beauty around me, to see the positive of the situation, my heart felt as though it had been trampled upon and deeply bruised.  And each time I found a new share of my image, or I sat and read thousands of comments for hours-on-end?  Ouch.  There went another stampede, adding an extra layer of unsettled dust and pain.

About 8 years ago at the Revolve Tour.

Thankfully, every time I had had a bad day, God placed someone in my life who would call, text, or email me, "Crystal - I just know God is going to do something wonderful with your story!"...And the thing is, on the really bad days - I kept quiet, not wanting to burden anyone with my ongoing pain.  Those people who called or sent me a text?  I didn't tell them, nor anyone else, that my heart was tearing in extreme agony that specific day.

Eventually, I got tired of the pity days.  I got tired of the discouragement, I got tired feeling so  tempted on focusing on the negative aspects of what was taking place.  I didn't like the person that my pain was turning me into.  In the depth of my heart, I knew God had a plan.  In my heart, I knew something amazing would happen with my story - I just had to hold on for the ride, and stay willing.

Once I set my new attitude, I made a decision - it was time to make a God-sized dream board.  I knew I had goals and dreams...And really big ones at that.  So, I made my vision board full of my God-sized dreams, keeping it in a place where I would be reminded of the ultimate goal every. single. day...Because here's the deal...Reminding yourself of the goal of what you feel called to do, what you know you can do...Well, those pity days full of discouraging thoughts have nothing on the purpose God had (and still has) for my life.

There were many things I put on my God-sized dream board:

• Speak for Women of Faith.
• Be a full-time speaker and writer.
• Encourage others with my story on Focus on the Family.
• Share my story on K-love.
• Do a TED talk.
• Speak at Winter Jam.
• Speak at a Youth Camp.
• Write my book.

Those were just a few of my dreams.   Realistically, though, there isn't a board big enough in this world with enough room for all my dreams.  However, the first one I put on my board?  Share the stage with Natalie Grant.

Friday morning, my mother and I were driving to an event in Sacramento (3 hours from my home).  I had heard of the event, Dare to Be (put together by Charlotte Gambill and Natalie Grant), for the last three years and had been craving to attend.  Needless to say, I was excited to finally have that opportunity!

As we were driving, we were talking about my God-sized dream board.  My mother asked me, "So...What exactly does your dream, 'share the stage with Natalie Grant' mean to you?'"  I paused to reflect and then explained, "She was the speaker at the event when I first felt the calling to be a speaker, to be a story-teller for God.  She inspired me and impacted my life.  Had it been another speaker on that stage, I would have put their name down on my board - but it was Natalie."  Without knowing, 8 years ago, Natalie deeply impacted my 16-year-old heart.

...And then Friday night's event started.  Natalie sang a few songs and Charlotte Gambill spoke to the group about being known by God.  (If you've never heard Charolette speak - oh man.  You. Are. Missing. Out.  That girl's heart and words are clearly on fire for God.)

Shortly after an intermission, Natalie started to sing her new song Be One.  If you watched the video above this entry, that's the song...Talking about how it's time to be one for someone...That it's time for us to get all of "our hands dirty".  After all, why should be be "sitting around waiting for a miracle to come when we can be one"??   If you didn't listen to the song, I highly recommend that you go back and listen before you continue reading.  (In fact, I actually recommend buying her whole album.  Every single song is incredibly power, holding a 5 star rating on my iTunes account.)

Moments after she finished the song, Charlotte came back on the stage and said something along the lines of, "this is my favorite part of the night", as they choose to honor someone at every Dare to Be event.

Natalie started speaking, and some of it is a blur to me.  But I do remember her saying, "I recently first connected with the young lady we want to honor tonight on Twitter.  I saw a tweet she sent me, and something about her story intrigued me.  She doesn't know this, but I then totally started social media stalking her.  When I found out she was going to be at this event, that she lived here - I thought it would be pretty cool to honor her - and she has no idea that we're doing this tonight.  So, I want to tell you a little bit about her story..."  And the rest, my mom caught on video:

Oh. My. Word.  Guys...God-sized dreams DO come true...And apparently, God-sized dreams sometimes come with an unexpected standing ovation from about 1,000 strangers and beautiful flowers.  Also, I've learned that I have many of you to thank.  Many of you received a message from my mom on Facebook asking you to nominate me for them to honor at this event, and you did.  Natalie told me I've "been one" for many, but really, many of you have "been one" for me...Although my words feel meek in comparison to what I actually feel, I want to thank you.  You'll never know how much this has meant to me, and how much I appreciate what you have done on my behalf...You'll never fully know much I appreciate you.  

*Insert Heart Emoticon Here*

Ironically, I was hoping Natalie would be doing a book signing after the event, wondering if she even remembered me from my YouTube video she saw in October.  When I finally realized she was talking about me, before she said my name, my heart started to pound while tears started to magnetize to my eyes, and they did so once again as I stood up on the stage with her.  My God-sized dream was coming true!!...Yet, even though I almost did cry, the tears contained themselves within my eyes.  I was on emotion overload, with so many thoughts and emotions flying through my mind.  The whole thing felt, and still feels, like a dream.  Spending a few minutes on stage with Natalie, as we talked, I felt so much love from her and Charlotte (I felt like we were such kindred spirits), as well as from everyone in the room.  Two days later, I'm still a bit overwhelmed, still processing the whole event.

Between my God-sized dream coming true, now knowing Natalie occasionally "social media stalks me" and she "can't wait" to read my book, plus knowing so many of my friends sent in nominations...My heart is so full. Full of love, appreciation, and joy.  Two days later, like I mentioned above, I'm still processing everything.  I'm still speechless.  (For the last two days, my eyes have also followed the "being full" trend...Becoming so full at times that happy tears have overflowed to my cheeks.)  

After the event was over, a woman came up to me and told me, "I knew God had me come here for a reason tonight, if only to hear your story.  I have a family member who has a port wine stain birthmark over her whole body, as well as having both Sturge Weber Syndrome (SWS)  and Klippel Trenaunay Syndrome (KTS).  She's struggling, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.  I knew I had to come talk to you."  Wow.  Apparently there were multiple intentions in God's plan for my being on the stage and Natalie sharing a portion of my story at at Dare to Be.

And another cool thing?  While I have many dreams, I had three initial dreams:

1. Make a professional video about my story.

2. Share the stage with Natalie Grant.

3. Go to the publicity summit in New York City.

Read bottom to top.

...And now, here I am, seeing those three initial dreams begin to intertwine together.  I took that first step - I made that video.  Natalie just happened to find it on Twitter back in October, tweeting me bits of encouragement.  Then, I applied for the New York event and was one of the 100 people accepted to attend.  And once I found out Dare to be was coming to California?  I knew I was going to go...And once Natalie found out I was coming, we shared the stage together...Resulting in her and Charlotte literally supporting my New York dream.  (Side note: Natalie and Charlotte - if you're reading this, thank you for your encouragement and support Friday night, and for your sweet gifts...And thank you for creating a chance for my God-sized dream to become into a God-sized reality.  Once again, I can't fully express my thanks in just a few words.)

You know you're following the right dreams when they eventually intertwine seamlessly together.  I've felt like I've been following the right dreams, but it's encouraging to see how they work together, confirming I'm on the right track and in tune to what God has called me to do.

After the event, it hit me.  My God-sized dream board?  I've actually been limiting my dreaming ability, too afraid to put my full dreams down on paper.

Sharing the stage with Natalie would have been wonderful experience, no matter the capacity, but I know my dreams go much deeper than that...I was just too afraid and intimated by my own dreams. "Part one" of my dream?  Share the stage with her, the woman who inspired me as a teenager...The woman who was speaking when I felt God working on my heart to become who He has called me to be - a speaker and a writer.  But ultimately? My dream is to connect with her, build a friendship, combine ministries, and do an event with her.  And when my book is complete?  I'd love for her to write the forward.  (Book update: two chapters down, about eight more to go!)  THAT'S my full God-sized dream.  But, you have to start somewhere, right?  Baby steps my friends, baby steps.

While I struggle for the words,
 my "Nashville mom", Lynette,
explained perfectly what Friday
night's events felt like.

I don't know where you are in life right now.  Maybe you're in a low valley, feeling as though your life filled with pollution that blocks the blue skies, as you feel you're breathing in that smoggy, dirty air.  Or, maybe you're on the mountain top with crisp, fresh air and a beautiful view.  Wherever you're at in life, please dare to dream.  Dreams DO come true, no matter how big or small you feel they may be.  Make a God-sized dream board so you can be reminded of the big picture in your life, which will help push any darkness away that tries to smother you down in that valley.  What ever you set your mind to can happen.  God knows you.  He knows your heart, your intentions.  If you keep your heart and mind open to whatever ride God has in store for you, He will get you through any storm - and then some.

Also, can I recommend to you to find a good tribe of people, a good "squad" (as Taylor swift calls it) of friends who uplift you?  Friends who push you to be your very best, who hold you accountable, and those who want to see you succeed?  Friends who dare you to dream the biggest dreams you can think of, friends who help your God-sized dreams come true?  You need people in your life who help keep you focused on what you're called to do, friends who call you out when you're headed down a dangerous path, such as my friends did during my angry and self-pity days.

Those are the best kinds of friends, and we all need and deserve them in our lives.  You deserve friends who dare you to be your very best, who encourage you in all that you do...Reminding you to keep Christ in the center at all times.  If you don't have a group of friends like that in your life, find them.  They're out there.

The God-Sized Dreamin' and Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

PS: Please check the website for Dare to Be.  If there is an event near your city, you need to attend!  My mom didn't know what to expect, but as we left she told me, "Wow.  Next time we need to bring a whole group here."

It's just a screen shot from the video, but man...I love this photo.

"Your world is in the hands of the King of the world." - Charlotte Gambill

Adulting, Boys, and Pity Parties (#HavePatience)

I've never been one for pity parties.  Yet, recently, that's exactly where I found myself...Pity party for one, anybody?

Sometimes growing up can be hard.  (Can I still say that at 24?)  Legally I've been an adult for six years now, but as time goes on,  I see my friends all growing up in different, anticipated, and expected ways.  Some are moving out of their parent's homes.  Some are in new or serious relationships, getting married and having children.  Others are working in a financially secure jobs - with benefits.  There are a few that I know that are doing well in all three departments, plus many other areas in life.

If you're a long-time reader of my blog, you know a few things about me: I'm 24, I still live with my parents, and I've (still) never been on a date.  I've (still) never had a boyfriend.  And while, I am employed by a wonderful nonprofit that I love working for (the Vascular Birthmarks Foundation), I am part-time don't yet earn enough to live on my own.

By the standards of many, I'm behind.  Or maybe I should say I'm behind by the standards I've set for myself...Maybe both.

A few weeks ago I had different discussions with three of my dearest friends.  They all (now) have boyfriends, they are now moving or have moved out of their parent's homes. I am SO excited for them and I am so glad that they are accomplishing so much.  I celebrate for and with them!!...Yet, I sat there during these discussions, unable to fully relate.  I sat there, wondering, "When will I be able to move out on my own?  When will I have the joys of being in a relationship?"

Told ya.  Pity Party.  I know, envy isn't my best quality.  (And trust me, my moments of jealousy aren't something I'm proud of, and would have been much easier to hide.  However, I feel like there must be someone else out there who can relate.  Someone else who can be encouraged knowing that they are not alone.)

Soon after, I expressed my frustrations(?) to one of my close friends...All while probably sounding completely desperate, which is also not normally like me...But hey, if we're on this honesty train...Choo choo, y'all.

And then the irony happened.

I'm not usually the girl guys flirt with, or the one they show interest in.  Usually I'm the one on the sidelines, eating popcorn, watching all my friends in that role.  Then again, my friends have told me many times that I'm just blind in that aspect of life.

But then it happened: A guy showed interest.  Actually, strike that.  Within just a day or two after my venting session, TWO guys showed interest.

----

Who doesn't need this reminder?

Scene 1, Guy 1:  I reconnected with one of my friend's friends.  Actually, I was standing in the post office for 20 minutes while waiting for their custodian to help me save my phone...Which I very gracefully dropped between a counter (which was bolted down) and the wall.  And then walks in my friend's friend (let's call him Miles) with his sweet grandpa.  Miles eventually helped the custodian help me, and I was reunited with my phone at last!

Later Miles and I were texting...And I got awkward.

Miles: My grandpa told me you seem like a very cute girl.  I have to say that I agree.
Me: Shut up.  You're being ridiculous.

WHAT...?!!?  I told him to SHUT UP??  Who says that?  Oh, yeah...I do. (#SMH)

FYI: Don't forget about Miles.  We'll come back to him in a minute.

----

Scene 2, Guy 2:  I went out with some friends.  There was a live band, and we ate pizza.  Some people were dancing.  I was sitting, hanging out with my friends.  Then, I noticed a guy trying to get my attention.  Although, at first I was certain he was trying to get the attention of my friend - but he wasn't.  So, I went to him to see what he wanted.

Guy: Why aren't you dancing?
Me: I don't dance.
Guy: Come on, let's dance!
Me: No, really.  I don't dance.  I'm kinda boring like that.
Guy: *Walks Away*

Once again...WHAT?!!??   I'm boring??  Where do I come up with these ridiculous responses?  (#Reason4509ImStillSingle)

For the love!...I've lived in London,  gone viral on Facebook, and am writing a book.  Why did I tell him I was boring?  I nearly decided to chase him down later to tell him, "I told you I was boring - but I'm not.  I think your good-looks distracted me and somehow cut that important wire between my mouth and brain.  So sorry...Can I tell you about the time I was pooped on by a dolphin??"

----

In the midst of this, Miles told me he was interested in me.  Actually, he told me he was "intrigued" by me - and sent me a sweet list of the reasons why.  He started to text me on a daily basis, consistently in pursuit.  Yet, I took his words with caution, knowing we had to be strictly friends and nothing more.

There's that rule that every girl should have a list of requirements she wants in a guy...A list she won't budge on.  Mine is short and sweet and has been rather consistent since the age of 16.  My top four requirements?

1. He must be a Christian, striving his best to follow God.
2. He must respect my decision to stay sexually pure until marriage.
3. He must have an interest in missions.
4. He must respect his parents.

Miles isn't a Christian - and that's not negotiable if you want to date me.

And here's the thing...I learned some important lessons through my life's recent, ironic moments.

Lesson one?  I'd rather be single with no one showing romantic interest in me than single and having non-Christians showing interest in me.  You don't know what you're missing when you don't have it.  I've lived 24 years without a guy spending time pursuing me (unless I've been blind in past situations, which is highly possible), but now I've had a taste of what that could be and feel like.  I'd rather stay single, without anyone in pursuit of my heart - unless he's a Christ-follower.

This year I'm writing that book.
I'm learning to play the piano.
I'm getting that AA degree.
I'm chasing those God-sized dreams.

Also, for various reasons, I've learned I have a wall around my heart that I need to start tearing down.  Yes, I need to guard my heart...After all, if I don't, who will?   But I can take down the spiked barbed-wire that pokes out, discouraging someone from trying to reach my heart.  I've always said I was willing to date if the right guy came along, but I don't think I was as willing as I thought I was at the time.  I'm pretty sure my heart not only had a wall with pokey barbed wire, but it also had an alarm system and guard dogs as a companion.

The most freeing lesson of them all?  I may not be moving out yet, have a "Facebook official" boyfriend (nor a non Facebook official boyfriend), or financially sufficient enough.  But...I am writing a book with different publishers interested.  I am pursuing my dreams.  We're all adulting in different ways - and we don't have to fit the mold, going at the same speed (or route) as everyone else.  It's okay to write that book before you move out of your parents house.  It's okay to live overseas with a mission organization for 6 months before getting that college degree.  You're not required to follow a specific list to live your life.  It's okay to do things differently!

Make 2016 your year, whatever that may look like.  Write that book, record that album.  Move out of your parent's home, ask the girl out.  Get your passport, sign up for college classes, or apply for that job.  Dare to dream your own dreams, and take the steps to get where you want to be.  There is no specific order we have to go by to grow-up and adult.  Go buy yourself some Nike shoes and, "Just Do It".

Take those chances and live the life God has called you to live.

The Travelin' and Adulting Chick,
Crystal

Completed Anti-Bullying Video

Within just 6 weeks of working for The Vascular Birthmarks Foundation, I'm SO excited to share this anti-bullying video that I was able to create with the help of many.  I'm thankful for everyone who sent in video clips, and for the many people who have shared it with their friends to raise awareness for vascular birthmarks, and to encourage people to ask others about their birthmarks, and to accept us as we are - while fighting back against bullying.

Check it out, y'all: 

If you have a vascular birthmark and want to participate in the next video, email me a clip!!

crystal@birthmark.org

The Travelin' Chick,

Crystal

10 Things I Want Kids Growing Up with a Physical Difference to Know

To those growing up with a physical difference,

If you’re anything like me, people often stare your direction, and you feel like you’ve heard it all in regards to your physical appearance. And if you’re anything like me, you didn’t ask for this journey — but you’re on it.

I was born with a port-wine stain birthmark that covers half my face, which travels all the way to my brain (causing another condition called Sturge-Weber syndrome) and caused my facial features to be asymmetrical. In the last few years, I started to blog about my journey with a facial difference and how the world often reacts. As I write, I learn.

Below is a list of lessons I’ve learned over the years, as well as a list of things I wish I had realized growing up. Our physical differences may be different, or maybe you have the exact same type of birthmark in the exact same location. Either way, perhaps you need a boost of encouragement, or maybe you just need to know you’re not alone in your journey.

1. You have a voice. It took me nearly 20 years and my photo going viral to realize I had one. We have the power to stick up for what is right; we have the power to stick up for others and more importantly, ourselves. What you have to say is important. Use your words. Speak them, write them, blog them, YouTube them, put them to a melodious tune. Whatever way you communicate best — do it. What you have to say is important, and people will listen. Write that book, sing that song. You have a story to tell.

2. There are some days and situations you overcome with zeal, and other days you barely survive — and both days are OK. Sometimes there are days that are emotionally draining, and depending on your condition, some of you even experience health scares that leave you unsure if you have another day left on your life’s timeline. But here you are, reading this article. You’ve made it this far. You’ve survived, you’ve overcome more than you realize. You are amazing.

3. Remember to laugh. Life can be hard, physical difference or not, and laughter is crucial. For example: Half my face is purple, so I refuse to wear certain colors. When I shop with my friends, I often find myself telling them, “Um. No. That doesn’t match my face. A girl’s gotta color coordinate!” Find the humor and joy in life. Look for the positive in every situation. The world is a brighter place when you do. And remember — sometimes the smallest moments are the greatest ones.

4. It’s OK to wonder what life would have been like had you been born “normal.” Just because you ask doesn’t mean you lack confidence, and you don’t have to feel guilty for wondering. I have days when I wonder what I would look like without my birthmark and asymmetrical facial features. I even wonder how my personality would be different, had I not grown up with regular laser treatments, strangers’ awkward gawking and comments. It’s not healthy to obsess and dwell on these curiosities, but it is OK to wonder from time to time. The more speaking and writing I do, the more I come to realize that most people wonder, “What if I looked different?” After all, that’s how makeup and hair dye got invented; it’s what sells high heels and Spanx.

5. If you’re a girl, remember, you are beautiful and stunning. If you’re a guy? You are handsome with tons of swag. This summer I made a new, encouraging friend of the opposite sex. He heard a part of my story and kept emphasizing how beautiful I was, both internally and physically. I found myself blushing, awkwardly looking to the ground, unsure of how to respond. Beyond my grandfather, I don’t recall anyone from the male gender telling me I was beautiful — and for months I’ve tried to recall other men giving me the same compliment.

Having a guy tell me I was beautiful while standing face-to-face was one of the most internally painful social situations I’ve ever been in. It was, and still is, a foreign experience. Bluntly put, most comments I’ve received about my looks have been negative and hurtful. Growing up, I quickly learned to be on the defense when my appearance came up — especially around new people. I’ve always believed and told myself I was beautiful, but I realized through this experience that I never expected or anticipated a man unrelated to me to think the same thing. But they do, and they think the same about you. And they’re right. Don’t be afraid to let your guard down.

6. There are online support groups you can join. Only three people out of 1,000 people have the same condition I have (according to the Vascular Birthmarks Foundation), and even fewer have their birthmarks predominantly placed on their face. Until a few years ago, and in all my life, I had only seen a couple of people in-person with the exact same birthmark I have — and we never even said hello. Until I was about 21 and started blogging about my story, it never dawned on me that there were online groups I could join. After all, I didn’t have a “birthmark mentor” to tell me teach me these things.

Now, a few years later, I’m in several groups, and I work for the Vascular Birthmarks Foundation, which also provides a lot of insight and support. You may feel alone in your day-to-day life, but there are people all over the world who relate to and understand you. My family gets my situation to an extent, more than most people. They’re the most supportive family I could ever dream of, but they don’t live with my condition 24/7. When I finally connected with people who also had the same condition? Wowzers. These people get me completely. (At least, the birthmark part of me.)

7. Only you know what’s best for you, especially in regards to your health. Do your research, listen to opinions. But most of all — make sure you make your decision with your parents and doctors by your side, using their wisdom and knowledge to the fullest.

When I first announced on social media that I would be having laser treatments, people became angry — and they weren’t afraid to voice their thoughts. But here’s the thing… They didn’t know about my condition. They only knew I had a “purpl
e”birthmark, and that was the extent of their knowledge. They didn’t know the medical complications that could arise if I chose not to have the treatments again.

Sometimes, people who have the exact same condition are also strongly against the treatments. The treatments aren’t for everyone, and that’s OK. Each journey looks different for everyone. It’s OK to vary in opinions. The treatments aren’t what bind us together; it’s the journey and support.

8. Your condition doesn’t define you. Yes, it’s a part of you, but you are still you, no matter what people say. No matter what you look like. Be confident. You’re a rock star.

9. There are amazing people who will support and encourage you — people who will get to know you beyond what they see. Sometimes it can be discouraging when people stare or make rude comments. Thankfully, not everyone reacts in a cruel and hurtful way. I’ve always been able to make friends easily, but it did take me a while to find a good group of close friends who are always there for me. We’ve all been hurt by someone, but don’t ever be afraid to make new friends. For every unkind person, I believe there are at least twice as many beautiful, kind people.

10. You can change the world. You have just as much power as anyone else. Shoot for the stars, go for the impossible. Embrace your passions and dare to dream. You can do anything you put your mind to, and you have an endless amount of potential. You make the world a more beautiful place.

Love always,

The Travelin' Chick - and your mentor with a physical difference,

Crystal

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This article was originally featured on The Mighty.

Being Vulnerable (Why Writing a Book is Hard)

Amberly is also a speaker and writer.  In fact, she's one of my
favorite speakers!  Invite her to speak, and check out
her blog! She's pretty amazing and has a great sense
of humor!  

"I've been working on my book, but so far I still only have one chapter written...And I've noticed my best writing comes at night," I told my friend and mentor, Amberly.  Responding, she told me, "Some people say that we write best at night, because after a long day, that's when we let our guard down.  That's when we're most vulnerable."  

--------------------------------

I've been trying to write my book (a memoir) for a few months now, since about May.  In August, I celebrated the completion of one chapter.  (Give or take some later modifications as the book develops.)  But since then?  I've been stuck.  Writer's block and I have been hanging out daily, becoming instant best friends.

Here's the thing...I love how my first chapter has turned out.  But it was a process.  A vulnerable process.

Typically, being open, raw, and vulnerable has come easy to me when writing my blog.  Actually, I usually write when I feel the most emotionally raw.  I've never thought twice about being vulnerable with you, my readers.  But now I'm writing a book. While I do go deep on some of my blog entries, I feel like they're way more surface in comparison of the book I'm working on.  With my book...With the one chapter I've written...I've dived down deep, scuba diving into the depths of my story, exploring areas I didn't know were there.

In my book, I'm wanting to share both the highs and lows of my story with you - which is pretty much the equivalent of giving you a key to my house...A key that lets you into my life, allowing you to watch the joyous moments of celebration, as well as very personal, hard moments, that found the ugly cry as a companion.  In my book, you'll see moments with incredible encouragement and triumph, but also the moments where I just wanted hide under a rock, throw in the towel, and quit.

Once my first chapter was written, I found myself writing to my friend, "I have to say...Writing this chapter on this one subject, I learned a LOT about my own situation and a LOT about myself.  As I was writing it, I caught myself thinking a few times, 'This is not what I planned to write in this chapter - at all.  This is a bit more honest than I planned to be - with my readers, but more importantly, with myself!!'"

Being vulnerable...Yikes.  What a scary concept.

I'm sure I'm totally backwards...But I'm not afraid of being vulnerable with my readers, I'm afraid of being vulnerable with myself.  I'm afraid the potential discomfort I'll experience as I dive down deep, continuing to learn important lessons from my own story.

Something you may not know about me: I've not always had a healthy relationship with my emotions.  Actually, I use to be terrible with them. If there were a marathon where people run from their emotions, I would have won first place.  Hands. Down.  I've been known to burry emotions and struggles down deep, moving on before I should.

The older I get, the better I am at handling my emotions.  It's still not perfect, but the relationship with them is healthier.  (Writing has been a huge help in recent years.  In the last few years, I've also been blessed with some beautiful friendships with some amazing people, which is something that I once majorly lacked.)

And here's the thing...I'm afraid of being vulnerable with myself.  I'm afraid of the lessons I still need to learn, the lessons that I'll learn as I write my story in an in-depth level.  I'm afraid of what I may dig up...the possible emotions I've buried, the emotions I'll have to finally handle.  I'm afraid of being honest with myself.

Yet, in the midst of this...I know that sharing my story and encouraging others is something God has called me to do - no question.  No matter if I am published by a traditional publisher, or go down the self-publishing route, this is the calling I'm meant to follow.  This book is meant to be written.  Maybe it'll one day change and encourage the life of a future reader, maybe not.  But one thing I know for certain?  Readers or no readers - pen in hand, it'll change my life...my life as the author.

The lessons I have yet to learn may be scary, but I know they'll stretch and mold me into a better person.  I know they are lessons that need to be learned.

I have to stop running from my calling, I have to stop making up excuses.  I have to dare to be brave, and honest...I have to dare to be vulnerable.

How is God asking you to be brave?

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Periscope (@travelin_chick).

Anti-Bullying Project

Since posting my last blog entry about my experience at the Vascular Birthmarks Foundation (VBF) Conference that I attended earlier in the month, I now have some cool new to share with you!

I'm now the new Social Media Coordinator and Ask/Accept Anti Bullying Campaign Manager for VBF!!...And I'm really excited! 

Lady week we announced my new positions with VBF on Facebook, and Dr. Linda wrote: 

This is Dr. Linda, President and Founder of the Vascular Birthmarks Foundation (VBF). I am so thrilled to announce that Crystal Hodges will be joining VBF as our Social Media Coordinator and as the VBF Ask/Accept Anti-Bullying Campaign Manager.

Crystal currently lives in California and is earning her degree in American Sign Language (ASL). She has become an internet phenomenon with her campaign for acceptance for all people with differences, while sharing her story through speaking opportunities and through her blog. She is a social media whiz and we are so excited that she will be bringing VBF to the forefront of social media.

And hey - here's the thing...Right now we're working on a new Ask/Accept Anti-Bullying video project - and we would LOVE to hear from you!

Check out what we wrote on Facebook, and the video below.  Then, send us YOUR videos!

One of the goals of the Vascular Birthmarks Foundation’s Ask/Accept program is to raise awareness about vascular birthmarks and to combat the bullying and taunting happening to individuals with birthmarks. The phrase Ask/Accept is simple. Ask me about my birthmark (or my child/loved one) and Accept me (or my child/loved one). That being said, we need your help! We're putting together a video - and that's where you come in. We'd LOVE to see a 10-20 second video of you that includes you sharing your name, where you're from, the phrase "Ask/Accept” - and 1-2 additional sentences. Make the video about your own birthmark, or make one about your loved one's birthmark. We are hoping to receive clips from people of all ages from around the world! Check out the attached explanation and example, and send your videos to: crystal@birthmark.org by November 15, 2015.

I can't wait to see your videos!!

The Travelin' Chick and VBF Social Media Coordinator,

Crystal 

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What if I stare?

I’ve always known storytelling was important.  I’m constantly found telling stories, and I love to hear
them.  But until this weekend, I never realized how important story telling really is.  I never fully realized the impact that the written word can have on others.

In the last couple of years my blog has really taken an unexpected turn.  It started as a place to write random stories about whatever was happening in my life, especially while traveling.  Slowly, it instead became primarily about my facial difference, and the experiences that I have on a regular basis.  My travel blog turned into something I never saw coming.

I’m pretty sure I wrote about this once in another entry, so I’ll try to keep it short…But when I was 16, I went to a conference (The Revolve Tour) and heard Natalie Grant speak, sharing about her story and struggle with bulimia.  I left thinking, “That’s what I want to do!  I want to be a speaker.”  Yet, just as quickly, I thought, “…But I don’t have a story to tell.”  It wasn’t until about 2-3 years ago that I realized that my 6-year-old lie of, “I don’t have a story to tell” was completely wrong.  Apparently, I do have a story to tell…just by being born with half a purple face.

This weekend I went to Newport Beach and Irvine to attend the Vascular Birthmarks Conference.  I heard about this conference a couple of years ago, and since it was in my home state this year, I decided it was finally time to attend.

Truthfully, I was nervous.  Don’t get me wrong – I was also super excited to attend.  I’m constantly craving to learn about my ongoing condition, and craving to connect with people in similar situations.  But here’s the thing…It wasn’t until this July that I finally met someone who looked just like me.

This summer I met a wonderful Australian family, Ryan and Mandy Longeran, and their daughter Sophia.  Unlike my birthmark that covers half my face, Sophia is two and has a port-wine stain birthmark covering the majority of her whole face.

I was nervous about meeting them in-person.  I loved chatting with Mandy on Facebook on a constant basis, but was wondering if we’d have an equal connection when we finally met during their trip in the States.  But wowzers…We clicked instantly, as though we had known each other for years. Sophia is beautiful and has the most gorgeous blue eyes you’ve ever seen, and her parents were wonderful.  For the first time in my life, I met people who understood life with a facial port wine stain, as well as a condition called Sturge Weber Syndrome.  (They are my Aussie “soul family”.  Feel free to follow their story on their Facebook page – Ellen Meets Sophia!)

Meeting them was great!  Yet, I still found myself (once again) nervous, knowing this conference would be filled with people who looked just like me.  

“Why am I so nervous?” I found myself asking.  And then the answer hit me, “…What if I stare?”

People constantly stare at me, gawking at my difference.  (Oh, the stories I could tell you!)  Staring is annoying, it can be hurtful…So, what if I stared?

Yes, I have a port wine stain that covers half my face…But the people I interact with on a daily basis don’t.  I’m accustom to seeing my difference in the mirror, in my photos, on my face…but not on other people.

The idea that there are other people who do look like me was encouraging, but also mind-boggling…Almost a foreign concept.

…So, what if I stared?

I was afraid of staring, of coming across as rude.  But that wouldn’t be my intentions.  If I stared, I knew it would be because I would be in awe of a room full of people who were like me…People who get it…People who understand, people with similar stories – and only for the second time in my life.  An experience like that is a rarity, a blessing.

The conference was amazing.  I learned more than what I thought possible.  I even had the honor of meeting and having appointments with three teams of doctors who are at the top of their fields. (I met with specialists in regards to the Port Wine Stain and laser treatments, Sturge Weber Syndrome, and reconstructive surgeons.)  Questions were answered; new dreams of possibilities were created.  Hope was given.

One of my very favorite parts of the conference was connecting with people like you, my readers.  I had at least 5 families come up to me and ask, “Are you Crystal?  The blogger?”…And I loved that they introduced themselves to me.  I loved meeting them, and I loved hearing their stories.  (If I met you and seemed a bit out of it, sorry!  There was a LOT to take in.  I was a bit overwhelmed.  I promise I’m not usually so socially awkward!  Ha!)

The last reader to come up to talk with me was a mom.  Her child was recently born with a port wine stain birthmark.  With tears in her eyes, she thanked me.  She thanked me for writing my blog entries; she thanked me for creating and sharing my video.  She told me that my video was a good bridge in introducing her daughter to her friends, and for explaining her condition.  (And wowzers…I almost cried with her.)

My goal has always been to encourage others, but I had no idea how much of an impact my former travel blog had become.   I had no idea that my blog and video had become such a lifeline for many parents who found themselves in a new and unexpected journey.

If I met you at the conference this weekend, please know you have encouraged me – and more than you’ll ever know.  Some of you may have noticed I’ve been MIA for the last couple of months.  Needles to say, I’ve had a bit of a writer’s block problem lately, but you’ve rekindled that fire to continue as a storyteller.  And, may I add, you are incredible parents.  You are going to conferences to learn as much as you can, connecting with people in similar situations early.  It took me nearly 24 years to have a chance to meet anyone like me (we had limited resources when I was a child – thank goodness for the Vascular Birthmarks Foundation and social media!)…But you’re allowing your beautiful young children to have those experiences now, before they’re 24-years-old – and that is powerful.  Together, you are creating world changers.

If you or your child has a vascular birthmark of any kind, I highly recommend that you attend the next Vascular Birthmarks Conference.  There’s a lot packed in such a short amount of time, but it’s well worth it and you won’t regret attending.

The conference alternates every year between California and New York.  (This year it was California, next year it will be in New York.)  You’ll get a chance to meet and have appointments with top doctors from their fields, have questions answered, and you’ll meet new friends.  I thought I knew a lot, but this conference showed me how much I still have to learn.

In addition to the seminars and appointments with doctors, they also offer makeovers for those interested.  Daycare is provided, and this year, the first 50 families to register (from out of town) received a free hotel room for the night before the conference.  You can even get the conference fee waved, and receive breakfast and lunch.

Oh, and it turns out, this conference is a safe place to do some occasional staring.  Apparently, everyone there is in awe of people who look just like them too.

The Travelin’ Chick,
Crystal

PS: My mom will be writing a guest entry for my blog soon, sharing about her experience as a mom attending the conference.

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