The Opposite of Funny

Today is April Fool's Day.

It's a day in America where pranks and jokes are taking place throughout the whole day. It's a day when you can't trust anyone, and any bit of news is unreliable - especially online. (You know. It's just like what Abraham Lincoln once said, "You can't trust everything you read online!"…Right??) It's a day when doubt plants itself in every moment of that specific day, not know which moment or set of information we can accept as fact.

I love jokes. I enjoy a good prank. I didn't see or hear many jokes this year, but out of the few I heard, my favorite one was created by a child in kindergarten at the school where I work.

It was lunch time and my coworker was talking to a 5-year-old boy while helping him put his straw into his milk. He told my coworker, "I had eggs for breakfast!" Replying, she told him, "good!" Then, with excitement, he said, "APRIL FOOLS!!!! I had sausage." He was so proud that my coworker believed him when he told her he ate eggs for his morning meal. He was probably even more excited that he tricked an adult.

Most of the other jokes I saw were on Facebook. A friend of mine tricked her daughter when they gave her a muffin package. Their young child was sourly disappointed when they opened the package. They were expecting a sweet and tasty muffin inside...just to find some celery. The child's reaction was hilarious and the video received nearly 50 likes on her parent's Facebook page by the end of the night.

Then, I saw a few people post something I see every year - at least 5 times. Something that they claim as "fact" for the first few hours of their original post to later claim is as a joke. Yet, it's a joke that I don't find to be funny.  I didn't like it last year…and I still don't like it this year.  (I just finally decided to voice my opinion.) But most of all?  It's a joke that I wish others wouldn't make.

What was the joke??

"I'm pregnant…again!!"

It seems simple. It seems harmless.

For many women, this "harmless" April Fool's joke is quite the opposite of being considered funny.

Sure, it can be funny to those who have children and find no struggle in getting pregnant. It's easy for this joke to be funny to those who have never cried out to God while spending hours on their numb knees, asking God to bless them with at least one child…for those who have never spent hours at the doctor's office talking about fertility, fertility treatments, and saving thousands of dollars to spend on hopes of uncertain medicine to assist in the process. The joke may cause laughter for those who have never had the heart-wrenching moment at 2:00 a.m. of an ER doctor saying, "You're in your second trimester…but I can't find the heartbeat of your daughter."

Unless you have certain life experiences, it is probably easier to have a good laugh over things that cause others tears.

There is a great amount of (often forgotten) women out in the world who have a constant struggle when it comes to the topic of children and pregnancy…Women who are mourning every day for an unfilled desire.

Jokes like this are a fresh cut on an old wound…A wound created through experiences of miscarriages, giving birth to a stillborn, child loss, infertility, and even the struggle that some experience during the process of adoption.

When women, who have no problem conceiving children, who have never experienced the unforgettable and never-ending heart ache from child loss or infertility post, "I'm pregnant…again!!" as a joke…it's not even slightly funny.

Every day many women are reminded of what they don't have or about what has been taken away from them. When women who have children and an easy ability to conceive children, and then they joke about having another child - when they aren't really pregnant - it is another reminder. They can't have children, yet their friend with a house full of children has such an easy time that they can joke about it.

The woman with a household full of children is lucky. She is blessed as she has been given such an amazingly beautiful gift from God.

The women who have struggled with child loss and infertility? They are thankful. They are thankful that their friends have their children. They are thankful that not every woman has to battle their type of harsh struggles of motherhood. Their journey is something they would never wish upon another woman.

Women who have lost a child are reminded about their loss - or desire to have children - in the daily,
small things. They're reminded in the comfort of their own homes while they surf their TV and pass the drama-filled TV series Teen Mom. They are reminded when they go to a mall and pass the baby stores or the baby isle in Target wishing they could the cute frilly pink dress for a little one. They are reminded when their friends announce real pregnancies and are invited to an endless amount of baby showers - all while craving the ability to have their own celebration for their unfulfilled desire to hold a child of their own…Not to mention when they are reminded on the date of their child's birth, the date of their death, on Mother's day, and on Christmas. They are reminded when they go to place flowers on the gravesite of one of the few things that have their child's name in writing, the headstone of the local cemetery. They're reminded of their loss and struggle by the dusty stored boxes from their time of hope and joy, before that time unexpectedly ended in an indescribably, paralyzing pain.

It's okay to make jokes and to perform pranks on April Fools. But please - keep in mind that your posts are seen by all on your friend list. What may be seen as harmless to you can hurt another in ways that you (hopefully) will never understand. Your posts are seen by mothers, fathers - but also by the childless.

I've never lost a child of my own. I've not dealt with infertility - and I pray I never will…But I know so many who have - including my sister who gave birth to first child, to her daughter, Ashley, as a stillborn (read Going Home for the story from my perspective). Knowing how much it hurts me, just as an aunt of a child who has passed on, for people to make light of pregnancies and the reminder of the pain my family has gone through throughout the last two years since her death…just to see someone be so flippant...I know I can't even imagine the pain my sister must feel - especially when people know her story and that she sees all that they post.

Sure, time has passed since the death of my niece.  July 5th will mark the 3rd year anniversary of both her birthday and the day she died...But it is still a sensitive topic for my family.  Our hearts still ache and our memories often feel as though they just took place yesterday…Memories from the few short moments when we all held her for the last time (and in my case, it was the first and last time since I was abroad during her birth).

Please…Think before you post. Your words - written or spoken - do impact others around you.

And to those of you who have lost children and/or who struggle with infertility - please know that you are remembered and loved. My prayers go out to you and your family, and I pray that your deepest heart's desires will one day be filled with a precious bundle of joy for you to share your love with…(All while helping you lose brain cells and causing you many strands of grey hair.)

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

Thankful

I know there is a trend taking place on Facebook with people posting on thing they are thankful for each day in the month of November.  While I think that is a great thing to do, I decided to just put all 30 things/people in list together for my blog.

I'm thankful for…

• My parents.  They are fantastic.  But if you read my blog entry, "A Home to Return to", there will be listed many reasons as to why my parents are so great!

• My dog, Miss Ruby Ann.  I've had her since I was about 15-years-old, and she really is a bright spot in my life.  

• College…I'm thankful for college!  The other day, someone asked me, "How are your classes going?"  I told him, "Fantastic!"  Because he knows me so well, he looked at me surprised asking, "Are you being sarcastic right now?"  I had to insist that I wasn't.  This is the first semester I've actually fully enjoyed.  I love all my classes - and it feels REALLY good to say that.  It feels good to say that I want to go to class everyday.  

• My two ASL Teachers, Nancy and Cindy.  I'm thankful to have the chance to get to know Cindy this semester.  It is my first semester in Cindy's class, but I am already looking forward to next semester with her as well!  I've had Nancy for three semesters now, next semester totaling in four semesters.  Both teachers have a fantastic sense of humor, are passionate about what they teach, and they geniunely care about their students.  Really, I can go on and on as to why I am thankful for both of my teachers as they have both had a huge impact in my life!!…But one of the biggest reasons I find myself to be thankful for them?  I am thankful to have two teachers who not only care about how their students are doing on their school work, but how they/we are doing in life overall.  I am thankful to have teachers who not only invest into my life inside the classroom, but also outside the classroom on a personal level.  It's such a rarity to have teachers like that at the college where I attend, and I am thankful to know them and have the ability to learn from them.

• Rayna, my 3-year-old cousin.  Really, I can't imagine my life without her.  I love her personality, her funny jokes or made up words, and I love the contagious sound of her laughter.  It has been a joy to watch her grow into such an intelligent and entertaining child.

• The ability to learn.  I'm glad I can continue learning - whether I am learning textbook information, learning about other people, or about myself.  I'm thankful that learning doesn't stop after high school or college.  I'm thankful that learning is a lifelong journey.

• My Nashville mom, Lynette.  She is a blessing.  Words can't even begin to describe how thankful I am to know her and to have her in my life.  We've had so many conversations filled with laughter, prayer, and encouragement.  It is hard to believe we've only known each other for about four years.

• Humor and laughter.

• Having friends around the world.  Sometimes having friends who live around the world can be a little hard as there are friends I often miss - a lot!  But, I am thankful to have such a diverse friend list and the ability to know each friend.  Even when I miss a friend who lives in Japan, London, or somewhere across America...when their name comes to my mind, a smile always spreads across my face.

• Encouragement.  I'm thankful for the encouragement that friends and family have brought to my life, and I'm thankful for oppuritinity to encourage others.  Whether it be in person, through a phone conversation, a letter, Skype, or even through Facebook…Whether it be through a compliment, prayer, through a joke, a smile, or just saying "hello"…I am thankful for encouragement.

• The ability to travel.  The world is a big place, and I'm so glad that I've gotten to experience and see places and things outside of my California "normal" and comfort zone!

• Books.  When I can't physically travel to another place, I know I can always open a book.

• Photography.  You never know when a moment will become a cherished memory.

• Skype and FaceTime.  They make the miles between my friend and I seem a lot shorter, and sometimes nonexistent. 

• My friend Katrina.  I've known her since I was either 13 or 14 years old, and she is easily one of my all-time favorite people!  She's always honest with me, telling me what she actually thinks verses what she thinks I want to hear.  (Basically, she'll flat out tell me I'm crazy or irrational when I think I'm being perfectly sane.)  Whether I run into a problem or I'm working on a creative project, her perspective is always helpful and refreshing.  Her sarcasm is hilarious and she has a sweet, welcoming family.  Whenever I'm Tennessee, I always look forward to visiting with her as she and her husband often invite me to stay at their house.  She is one of my greatest friends!

• My birthmark.  While I am not thankful for awkward moments and annoying stares, I am thankful for the things I have learned through having it.  I am thankful for the awkward moments that turn into humorous moments and annoying stares that turn into educational moments for the one staring.   I'm thankful to have the ability to go to different classrooms where I work to teach the children about it and to let them ask any questions they may have.

• My job.  I work as a noontime assistant at the school I attended as a child.  I LOVE my job.  Although I've had jobs in the past, I've never enjoyed them like I enjoy this one. The people I work with are fantastic, the kids are hilarious, and I never get tired of clocking in everyday.  (And let me just add…This is the first time where I have loved my job, and have loved going to school at the same time.  It's a great feeling!)

• My parent's new home.  We've been in it a little over a year, and it has been a HUGE blessing.  We've been able to have a lot of visitors, dessert and game nights.  These are things we couldn't do in our old home…I absolutely love being able to bake something sweet and having friends over for a visit!

• Hugs from BreAnna and DJ whenever I see them.

• Trying new things.  You never know what you might miss out on if you aren't willing to try something new.  In the end, it may be the best thing you've tried - or it may be the worst…But at least you've tried, and aren't left wondering what could of happened had you not tried that something new.

• The ability to grow and change.  I'm glad that I can grow and change as a person.  My personality, ways of thinking, and flaws are not set in stone…Thank goodness!  I'm also glad that I can grow from the best of experiences, and even from the most unpleasant ones. 

• Board Games.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE board games - and card games too!!  I've had some of my best memories circled around a good game with family and/or friends throughout the years of growing up, and throughout the recent years as well.  Anytime you want to play a game, I'm in!

• Flexibility.  I'm thankful to be flexible - at least, mentally.  Being mentally flexible makes life so much easier when plans change and things don't go 100% according to plan.

• Creativity.  Life would be boring without it.  

• Pinterest.  When my own creativity fails, Pinterest is available 24/7.

• The chance I had to visit Nashville this summer.  The trip was something I really needed.  I was able to reconnect with old friends and had the chance to deepen friendships.

• Chocolate.  Need I say more?

• Music.  Although I can't keep beat to save my life, I'm so happy I can enjoy the creations of those who can! 

• My time at Free Will Baptist Bible College (FWBBC), now known as Welch College.  Sure…I attended the college back in 2009-2010…But my one year there has had a great impact in my life and was full of memories that I still love to reflect on.

• My time in London.  I learned so much while I was in London in 2012, and made friends that I know will last a life time.  

My list could go on and on about people and things I am thankful for…But this is the shortened edition.  What are you thankful for this year??

The Travelin' Chick,

Crystal

PS: After I wrote this, I remembered I wrote an entry similar in 2011.  It was fun to compare the entries to see similarities or differences.  (Thankful in 2011)

A Home to Return to

Recently I met at Starbucks with a couple of friends of mine.  One friend in particular was asking me how many more laser treatments I would need for my birthmark.  Responding, I told her something like, "I don't know.  I can stop when I want to stop or I can keep going.  I had them as a child but decided to stop when I was about 11-years-old, and my mom said, 'okay', and let me stop.  When I was about 18-years-old, I told my mom I wanted to continue - and she told me 'okay' again, and I continued."  She said something to the effect of, "You have a good mom who supports you and your decisions."

And that's the thing.  I do have a good mom.  In fact, I have a great mom who supports me and my decisions...and recently, I've realized how I sometimes take her - and my dad - for granted.

Lately I've been reminded more and more about how blessed I am to have my parents in my life.  During the last few weeks, I keep hearing stories of people who don't have such a great support system in their lives.

I have friends who don't want to go home, because if they do, they have to "deal with their family".  I have friends who's parents aren't kind to them with their words, who put their child (my friend) down.  My friends have parents who tell their children that they aren't pretty enough, thin enough, or that they deserve to become sick, they deserve to go through an emotional hard time, etc, etc.

In my ASL (American Sign Language) classes I learn of stories of children who are Deaf who have gone through horrendous medical experiments, therapies, and treatments - even when they requested that they stop.  (This happened/happens when parents are new to having a Deaf child and rely on doctors for advice.  The parents want what is best for their child, but what they are told to do by their doctors doesn't always end up being the best option.)  My teachers, friends, and classmates who are Deaf share what it is like to grow up Deaf in a hearing family...Being left out of conversations, social activities, and being left completely alone.  One friend even shared that his mother left the family when they found out he was deaf.

The other week, I was with a group that included 6 of my friends (two friends are Deaf, the other four are hearing).  We were trying to figure out who all wanted to go to Wal-Mart, so we asked both the hearing and Deaf friends in the group if they wanted to to to the store.  If we all went, we would take two cars, as we all wouldn't fit into one.  If some wanted to stay at the apartment until we got back, we only need to take one vehicle.  One of my Deaf friends responded, "I don't need to go.  I'm use to being alone.  I'm use to my family leaving me out."  Needless to say - we took two cars and made sure that all 6 of us went to the store together that night.

Two weekends ago I also went to see The Deafhood Monologues.  The monologues included many true stories based on experiences and the history of Deaf culture and people, but one story particular stood out to me...and has come to my mind everyday since the performance.

During the monologues, actress Shira Gravelsky presented a (true) story of a woman who went to an adoption agency.  The woman that Shira played met a young girl who loved to draw - regardless of the fact that she was missing fingers.  Shira's character spoke to someone in charge, asking if the little girl was born without her fingers.  To her character's surprise, the little girl's current condition was not to be faulted due to her development in the womb or due to a birth problem.  It was faulted by a recent, tragic, life event.

The little girl was born deaf.  She learned to do some sign language, but then her parents took her to a doctor who dubbed signing and ASL as bad.  The doctor insisted that the parents push oralism and speech therapy on the child - and told them not to let their daughter sign or use ASL.

Her parents tried to get her to go oral, but she continued to sign.  Her dad became infuriated and one day yelled, "Is she signing again??  Is she?  Make her stop!  Make her speak!...Is she signing??  Make her put her hands out!"  So, the child was forced to lay out her hands - and bam!  Her father took a knife and cut off all his child's fingers.  (The child's parents went to jail.)

I listen to stories like this and my heart breaks.  I listen to my friends talk about their strained relationships with their parents who aren't very kind, and I become extremely saddened.  My heart has broken so many times during the last two months as I hear stories in class or through new friends.  All the people I've heard share about their poor home life are such beautiful people, and I can't imagine how their parents don't see the beauty in their own children, or how they don't accept their child as they are.  Hearing about all of these stories and experiences...I am reminded of how lucky and blessed I am to have the parents that I have.

When it comes to my health and to my body, my parents have never forced me to do anything I haven't wanted to do.  Like with my laser treatments.  If I want to have them, they're okay with it.  My mom even drives me to and from - 3 hours each direction.  If I want to stop the treatments, they are okay with that too.  And when I was diagnosed with chronic pain at the age of 12?  My parents made sure that I got the best treatment possible to help relieve as much of the pain as possible.

If I need help with friend situations or need advice of any kind, I know I can trust my parents.  I know they'll think rationally and not attempt to feel bad about any of the situations.  They try to encourage me through their advice.  They're not afraid to be honest with me if I'm in the wrong or need correcting, but they correct me in love and in a tender way in hopes of helping me grow as a person through the situation.

My parents have let me travel the world without them since I was 15-years-old.  They want me to travel, understanding that the world is a big and unique place.  They've encouraged me to spend 6 months in London, and supported me when I wanted to go to Japan to help with the disaster relief efforts after the tsunami hit.  Even though the tsunami and issues Japan was having with the nuclear plants and radiation made my parents a little nervous, they knew I felt like I need to go and they trusted in God to keep me safe.

When I decided to move to Germany for 6 months, my parents let me make my own decision and told me it was a good, once in a life time oppurtunity.  When I decided it was best for me to come home from Germany 4 months early, my parents were once again in full support.  They welcomed me home with wide-open arms and picked me up from the airport.

Whenever my parents see an area I become interested in, they encourage me to persue my new interest.  If I enjoy a new hobby, they support me.  My dad, after all, is the one who surprised me when I was 13-years-old as he bought me my first SLR camera - seeming completely at random at the time.  I remember coming home from school, seeing a Nikon D50 on the table, and asking my dad, "Who's is that??"  He told me, "It's yours."  I don't even remember asking for a camera.  Asking him tonight why he bought the camera for me, he recalled realizing my growing interest in creating videos and thought I needed a better camera to help me out in the new hobby.  Little did he know how much photography would become part of my life!

And in college...Even when I change my major for the 3rd or 4th time, my parents always insist that they want me to major in what I love, what I'm passionate about, and what makes me happy.

My parents have accepted that I am living my life and am trying to live it to the fullest.  They've stuck with me through the good times, and the most trying times.  They even try to give me experiences that they possibly didn't have themselves as a child or young adult.

I just can't imagine having parents who don't accept me for who I am.  I can't imagine having parents who ignore me, or force me to do things I don't want to do, or who make me feel ugly and awful about myself.  I've been blessed with parents who are patient, kind, encouraging, accepting, and who have instilled that beauty runs much deeper than skin deep.  They've taught me to be proud of who I am, even through my differences.

My life could have been extremely different had I been born into a different, less supportive family...And I just want to thank my parents.

Thanks, mom and dad.  Thank you for being great, supportive, encouraging, and loving parents.  Thank you for being parents that I enjoy spending time with.  I hope that if I ever become married, and have children, that I am half as great as you two.

Thank you for giving me a home that I want to return home to at night.

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

Birthmarks and Laser Treatments

Before going through a
treatment.  However, I'm wearing
make-up in this photo, so my
birthmark is lightened a good
 amount by make-up alone.

During spring break, I had a laser treatment on my birthmark.  Sparking conversations, many people have ask me questions such as, "What does the laser treatment do?  What does it feel like?  What is the purpose?"  Let me begin answering these questions with some quick background information.

First off, the type of birthmark that I have is called a "port wine stain".  There isn't really any rhyme or reason as to why I have it.  There's no genetic links, and it has nothing to do with my mother's pregnancy.  The only cause of my birthmark is, "just because it can exist, it does".  Due to an excess of blood vessels in my facial area, the blood vessels causes my skin tone to look a purplish type of color.  That being said, my birthmark goes much deeper than my skin.

If you were to look in my mouth, at my gums, in my ears, and in my nose, you can easily tell a color difference and where the birthmark starts and ends.  (Not that I go around looking up my nose or asking people, "Hey!!  You want to see the inside of my nose!??!?"...I am pretty sure that is socially unacceptable, and 100% socially awkward.  This is just an observation that doctors have made.)   The older I get, the darker it can get, and the texture of my skin is also at risk of changing (due to thickening of the blood vessels).  I also have to avoid getting too much sun without protection of sun screen, as that can damage the birthmark as well.  (Although, fun fact: I will add - when I get really, really cold...My mother and close friends can always tell.  My birthmark gets really dark, changing like a mood ring.  However, this change in color is only temporary.)

My birthmark goes all the way to my brain.  Occasionally I have to have MRIs done of my brain to make sure that none of the blood vessels have strayed into a more dangerous location.  When I was born, the doctor's had to watch me closely for my first 24 hours to make sure that the birthmark didn't cause any seizures.  If I didn't have any seizures in the first 24 hours, I would be okay.  I'm thankful that I didn't - as I am sure that would have greatly affected the way my life would play out.

Not only does my birthmark go brain deep, but it also affects my bone structure and density.  Even my teeth are affected by this.  It also adds to the lack of symmetry in my face - even more than the average person that doesn't have a birthmark.   The extra vessels make features expand a little more.  My lip is a perfect example of this, as the left upper lip is a little larger than the right upper lip.

Also, because it is more than skin deep, I also have had to deal with a disease called glaucoma in my left eye.  Glaucoma is an 80-year-old lady (or man) disease that I've had since I was about 8-years-old.  Due to all the blood pressure in my eye from all the blood vessels, I have to use eye drops twice a day, and see a doctor two times a year, just to make sure I don't go blind.  There is a surgery that can relieve glaucoma patients - but I don't know much about it.  Due to my type of glaucoma and the reasons that I have it, if the doctor makes one little wrong move - I would go instantly blind in my eye.  We've decided it's not worth the risk and have not asked for further information.

Pretty much, my birthmark is more than just something that alters the skin tone on my face.  Due to the color alteration, I sometimes have laser treatments. 

The numbing cream.  I have to
wear this for an hour before
the treatment.  It also has to
be applied on super thick.  It was
like icing a cake. ;-)

Okay...What is a laser treatment, and what does it do?  What is the goal?

The overall goal of the laser treatments is to lighten my birthmark. It's recommended that I have them every two months for the treatments to work at their best.  When I have the treatments, heat is sent from the laser, basically heating up the blood vessels.  When they get hot, they shrink - or burst.   When they shrink, the color lightens and other risk factors are lessened - such as the texture of my skin changing.

If I don't have the treatments, my birthmark will get darker as I age.  The blood vessels will get bigger, causing the darker color - and for my birthmark colored skin to become lumpy and a pebble-like texture.  By having the treatments, I am lessening my risks of it changing the color and texture - which is my main purpose of having the treatments.  (As really, I don't feel the need to hide.  Making it lighter is more than just about the color.)

After the treatment my face is extra purple for about a week - varying after each treatment.  It's swollen and painful, and I can't scratch or rub my face.  For the first few days I can't wear makeup either.  As long as the dark and purple color is around, I can feel heat radiating through my skin.  The lighter the purple gets, the less pain and heat that I feel.  Once the extra purple color disappears and my birthmark returns to normal color, my birthmark will lighten even more.

How do the treatments feel?  Afterwards it reminds me of a horrible sunburn.  Imagine your worst sunburn - and there you go.  That's the best way I can describe it.  During the treatment?  Well, the doctors like to describe it as a rubber band shooting the face.  I've decided that once they have a birthmark on their face and go through the treatments themselves, then they can describe how it feels.  The way I've decided I like to describe it is - it's like eating a spicy dish.

When you first start eating, your mouth is okay.  (In laser terms, the numbing cream I wear for an hour before does it's job to ease the pain to where the laser is barely felt.)  The more you eat, the more it stings - or feels like a rubber band. (Numbing cream starts wearing off the more laser pulses they send to my face.)  Eventually, it the food gets hot, and the spice intensifies.  (The pain gets even stronger - more than feeling like a rubber band.)  And occasionally, you hit a  jalapeño - or other spice/pepper - and your senses are sent through the roof with spice. (I would consider theses to be the really tender and sensitive areas on the face, such as the lip and nose.  I hardly let them treat these areas because of the intense pain.)

When I was a young child and toddler I use to have laser treatments on my face on a more regular basis.  To be honest, I'm not really sure how many I've had in my lifetime.  I would guess more than 25, more likely more than 30.

Since I was a child, they would let me sleep through the treatments by the use of anesthesia.  Once I hit the age of 11, that was advantage was taken away.  I was now "old enough" to stay awake during the treatment - only needing an hour of numbing cream before the procedure.

I went through one treatment awake at 11-years-old before I decided to stop.  Staying awake wasn't worth it to me.  The pain wasn't worth the outcome, as the laser machine they had wasn't making much of a difference.  The pain of the treatment was too overwhelming for me as well - so I decided to stop.  I decided that with the pain combined with an outcome that didn't show any differences - if I continued, I would be lettings stupid happen all over again.  My mom let me make my own decision about stopping, and I was glad.  I guess her theory is - it's my face, my body, the treatments aren't mandatory or needed, and I'm the one who has to go through it - not her.  I'm thankful for letting me choose for myself.

It wasn't until 2010 (at the age of 18) when I decided to try again and had a better outcome in comparison to when I was 11-years-old.  (Every three years, the hospital upgrades their machines as new medical advancements take place, so the machine was advanced at least 2-3 times since my last visit.)

My birthmark about an hour after
a treatment.  Please excuse the greasy
looking hair.  After the treatment,
Vaseline is applied to my face
to help prevent blistering and
other possible reactions from the treatment.
I promise I did shower that morning. :-)

In 2011, I planned to have another treatment and even blogged about it before I went, but we had to cancel at last minute.  Then, during spring break of 2012, I decided to attempt at the treatments again.  This time we were able to treat more than 80% of my birthmark, excluding my eye, nose, and lip area.  (Again, those areas are super sensitive for me.)  It took 200 laser pulses to get that much done.  It's been a few weeks since the treatment, and I've already noticed a difference.  I have another appointment for another treatment set up for May.

If you ever have questions about my birthmark or the treatments - please feel free to ask!  I am okay with people asking questions and they don't make me uncomfortable if they are asked in genuine curiousity and kindness.  In a way, I consider it a type of honor to be able to help others have a better understanding of this difference.  After all, you know my birthmark is there and I definitely know it's there...So why avoid talking about it if someone has a question or curiosity?   If you don't ask, it doesn't make my birthmark disappear.  It also doesn't make your questions go away either.  I would rather you know and have an understanding - so again, please ask if you want to know more!

Oh - and just because I am trying to lighten my birthmark - please don't think that I would change who I am today or that I am doing it due to any personal insecurities.  That's not the case.  Often I walk around with confidence in who I am, regardless of my birthmark. 

Just as any other female, I've had my ups and downs when it comes to my personal appearance.  However, that's normal for any female.  I just have a birthmark added to those ups and downs - but that's my normal.   Yes, I've wondered what it's like to have a 'normal' looking face.  But how many brunettes have wondered what it would be like to go blonde?  Rumor has it, it's just easier to dye your hair a different color than it is to change your skin tone.

Because of my birthmark, I've had to overcome a lot of different unique situations.  I've had to smile at the slightly rude person who has been awkwardly staring at me for five minutes.  I have also walked in stores or on a college campus, hearing comments and questions being spoken about me - but not to me.  (In a sense, sometimes it feels like I, as a person, am invisible in these situations - except for my half purple face...with people forgetting that I do have eyes that see them stare, I do have ears that hear them talk, and that I do have a brain that understands their reaction.)

I find it to be a joy to have the opportunities to share about physical differences that most people are not use to.  And sometimes, I even forget that I look different than most people…Until certain things are said or when people stare long enough.

My family and I have received comments such as, “How did you burn your baby??”  or  the most common question from adults - “What is wrong with your face?”  This is a prime example of how you shouldn't ask people questions if you're curious about something so personal.  This style doesn't come across as genuine, curious, or kind.  It comes across as mean, rude, nosey - and sometimes hurtful.  Nothing is wrong with my face.  Usually I try to be kind and ignore the tone of the question.  But, as I am human, and depending on my mood - sometimes I have to bite back sarcastic responses such as, "Nothing is wrong with my face.  What's wrong with your attitude and manners??"  (Sometimes I really need to work on my sarcastic internal and silent responses.)

People have even argued with me, telling it it’s not a birthmark, and that I have something like skin cancer or something contagious.  On the opposite end, I’ve had a woman in a clothing store tell me that she was jealous of me and that she wished she had a birthmark covering her face too.

While usually comments and stares don’t knock me down for long, I do have my weaker moments in liking my physical appearance - just like other people have.  Over the years I’ve had to overcome this obstacle when it arises, and even today it can sometimes be a daily practice.  For example: When an attractively handsome man stares at me.  Is he staring at me because he thinks I’m pretty, or is he victimizing me with his staring? 

Those feelings of insecurities don't usually stick around long, though.  As, again, there is a certain kind of joy that comes from being different from the world.  You see life differently and there are a lot of chances to teach others that’s okay to stand out a little.  It’s okay to look different!

I also know that my extra confidence comes from how I was raised by my parents.  When people would stare, like I mentioned above, my mom is the one who taught me to me to smile at them.  Maybe the staring person is having a bad day and needed a smile to lift their spirits.

My parents have also taught me to have a sense of humor.  Once I was asked by a man, “What’s wrong with your face?”  I told him, “It’s just a birthmark.”  He responded, “Oh – I thought you were beat by your husband or something!”  While my friends who were with me at the time got upset and offended over the comment, I just laughed.  For the first time in my life, I realized that I was old enough to be married if I wanted to be.  I didn’t feel offended or angry.  It was a moment of realization of the fact that I was old enough to marry!  I was an adult! 

Despite all the things I've had to over come in those areas, I also have unique stories that no one else has.  I've developed a sense of humor, learning to laugh at the awkward situations that I am faced with on a daily basis.  I have the blessing of having the ability to teach others that's okay not to fit in the mold that the world and society has given us.

It's a beautiful opportunity to be different.

The Travelin' Chick,

Crystal

PS: Sorry if any of what I've written today is a little repetitive of any posts in the past.  (Although, I've only posted about this topic twice, so hopefully there wasn't anything found to be repetitive!)

***Update September 19, 2013***
In May, the cause for port wine stains was found!  It's due to a rare gene mutation  - but is not the fault of the mother or genes of the father.  For more information, click here!