Adulting, Boys, and Pity Parties (#HavePatience)

I've never been one for pity parties.  Yet, recently, that's exactly where I found myself...Pity party for one, anybody?

Sometimes growing up can be hard.  (Can I still say that at 24?)  Legally I've been an adult for six years now, but as time goes on,  I see my friends all growing up in different, anticipated, and expected ways.  Some are moving out of their parent's homes.  Some are in new or serious relationships, getting married and having children.  Others are working in a financially secure jobs - with benefits.  There are a few that I know that are doing well in all three departments, plus many other areas in life.

If you're a long-time reader of my blog, you know a few things about me: I'm 24, I still live with my parents, and I've (still) never been on a date.  I've (still) never had a boyfriend.  And while, I am employed by a wonderful nonprofit that I love working for (the Vascular Birthmarks Foundation), I am part-time don't yet earn enough to live on my own.

By the standards of many, I'm behind.  Or maybe I should say I'm behind by the standards I've set for myself...Maybe both.

A few weeks ago I had different discussions with three of my dearest friends.  They all (now) have boyfriends, they are now moving or have moved out of their parent's homes. I am SO excited for them and I am so glad that they are accomplishing so much.  I celebrate for and with them!!...Yet, I sat there during these discussions, unable to fully relate.  I sat there, wondering, "When will I be able to move out on my own?  When will I have the joys of being in a relationship?"

Told ya.  Pity Party.  I know, envy isn't my best quality.  (And trust me, my moments of jealousy aren't something I'm proud of, and would have been much easier to hide.  However, I feel like there must be someone else out there who can relate.  Someone else who can be encouraged knowing that they are not alone.)

Soon after, I expressed my frustrations(?) to one of my close friends...All while probably sounding completely desperate, which is also not normally like me...But hey, if we're on this honesty train...Choo choo, y'all.

And then the irony happened.

I'm not usually the girl guys flirt with, or the one they show interest in.  Usually I'm the one on the sidelines, eating popcorn, watching all my friends in that role.  Then again, my friends have told me many times that I'm just blind in that aspect of life.

But then it happened: A guy showed interest.  Actually, strike that.  Within just a day or two after my venting session, TWO guys showed interest.

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Who doesn't need this reminder?

Scene 1, Guy 1:  I reconnected with one of my friend's friends.  Actually, I was standing in the post office for 20 minutes while waiting for their custodian to help me save my phone...Which I very gracefully dropped between a counter (which was bolted down) and the wall.  And then walks in my friend's friend (let's call him Miles) with his sweet grandpa.  Miles eventually helped the custodian help me, and I was reunited with my phone at last!

Later Miles and I were texting...And I got awkward.

Miles: My grandpa told me you seem like a very cute girl.  I have to say that I agree.
Me: Shut up.  You're being ridiculous.

WHAT...?!!?  I told him to SHUT UP??  Who says that?  Oh, yeah...I do. (#SMH)

FYI: Don't forget about Miles.  We'll come back to him in a minute.

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Scene 2, Guy 2:  I went out with some friends.  There was a live band, and we ate pizza.  Some people were dancing.  I was sitting, hanging out with my friends.  Then, I noticed a guy trying to get my attention.  Although, at first I was certain he was trying to get the attention of my friend - but he wasn't.  So, I went to him to see what he wanted.

Guy: Why aren't you dancing?
Me: I don't dance.
Guy: Come on, let's dance!
Me: No, really.  I don't dance.  I'm kinda boring like that.
Guy: *Walks Away*

Once again...WHAT?!!??   I'm boring??  Where do I come up with these ridiculous responses?  (#Reason4509ImStillSingle)

For the love!...I've lived in London,  gone viral on Facebook, and am writing a book.  Why did I tell him I was boring?  I nearly decided to chase him down later to tell him, "I told you I was boring - but I'm not.  I think your good-looks distracted me and somehow cut that important wire between my mouth and brain.  So sorry...Can I tell you about the time I was pooped on by a dolphin??"

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In the midst of this, Miles told me he was interested in me.  Actually, he told me he was "intrigued" by me - and sent me a sweet list of the reasons why.  He started to text me on a daily basis, consistently in pursuit.  Yet, I took his words with caution, knowing we had to be strictly friends and nothing more.

There's that rule that every girl should have a list of requirements she wants in a guy...A list she won't budge on.  Mine is short and sweet and has been rather consistent since the age of 16.  My top four requirements?

1. He must be a Christian, striving his best to follow God.
2. He must respect my decision to stay sexually pure until marriage.
3. He must have an interest in missions.
4. He must respect his parents.

Miles isn't a Christian - and that's not negotiable if you want to date me.

And here's the thing...I learned some important lessons through my life's recent, ironic moments.

Lesson one?  I'd rather be single with no one showing romantic interest in me than single and having non-Christians showing interest in me.  You don't know what you're missing when you don't have it.  I've lived 24 years without a guy spending time pursuing me (unless I've been blind in past situations, which is highly possible), but now I've had a taste of what that could be and feel like.  I'd rather stay single, without anyone in pursuit of my heart - unless he's a Christ-follower.

This year I'm writing that book.
I'm learning to play the piano.
I'm getting that AA degree.
I'm chasing those God-sized dreams.

Also, for various reasons, I've learned I have a wall around my heart that I need to start tearing down.  Yes, I need to guard my heart...After all, if I don't, who will?   But I can take down the spiked barbed-wire that pokes out, discouraging someone from trying to reach my heart.  I've always said I was willing to date if the right guy came along, but I don't think I was as willing as I thought I was at the time.  I'm pretty sure my heart not only had a wall with pokey barbed wire, but it also had an alarm system and guard dogs as a companion.

The most freeing lesson of them all?  I may not be moving out yet, have a "Facebook official" boyfriend (nor a non Facebook official boyfriend), or financially sufficient enough.  But...I am writing a book with different publishers interested.  I am pursuing my dreams.  We're all adulting in different ways - and we don't have to fit the mold, going at the same speed (or route) as everyone else.  It's okay to write that book before you move out of your parents house.  It's okay to live overseas with a mission organization for 6 months before getting that college degree.  You're not required to follow a specific list to live your life.  It's okay to do things differently!

Make 2016 your year, whatever that may look like.  Write that book, record that album.  Move out of your parent's home, ask the girl out.  Get your passport, sign up for college classes, or apply for that job.  Dare to dream your own dreams, and take the steps to get where you want to be.  There is no specific order we have to go by to grow-up and adult.  Go buy yourself some Nike shoes and, "Just Do It".

Take those chances and live the life God has called you to live.

The Travelin' and Adulting Chick,
Crystal

Completed Anti-Bullying Video

Within just 6 weeks of working for The Vascular Birthmarks Foundation, I'm SO excited to share this anti-bullying video that I was able to create with the help of many.  I'm thankful for everyone who sent in video clips, and for the many people who have shared it with their friends to raise awareness for vascular birthmarks, and to encourage people to ask others about their birthmarks, and to accept us as we are - while fighting back against bullying.

Check it out, y'all: 

If you have a vascular birthmark and want to participate in the next video, email me a clip!!

crystal@birthmark.org

The Travelin' Chick,

Crystal

10 Things I Want Kids Growing Up with a Physical Difference to Know

To those growing up with a physical difference,

If you’re anything like me, people often stare your direction, and you feel like you’ve heard it all in regards to your physical appearance. And if you’re anything like me, you didn’t ask for this journey — but you’re on it.

I was born with a port-wine stain birthmark that covers half my face, which travels all the way to my brain (causing another condition called Sturge-Weber syndrome) and caused my facial features to be asymmetrical. In the last few years, I started to blog about my journey with a facial difference and how the world often reacts. As I write, I learn.

Below is a list of lessons I’ve learned over the years, as well as a list of things I wish I had realized growing up. Our physical differences may be different, or maybe you have the exact same type of birthmark in the exact same location. Either way, perhaps you need a boost of encouragement, or maybe you just need to know you’re not alone in your journey.

1. You have a voice. It took me nearly 20 years and my photo going viral to realize I had one. We have the power to stick up for what is right; we have the power to stick up for others and more importantly, ourselves. What you have to say is important. Use your words. Speak them, write them, blog them, YouTube them, put them to a melodious tune. Whatever way you communicate best — do it. What you have to say is important, and people will listen. Write that book, sing that song. You have a story to tell.

2. There are some days and situations you overcome with zeal, and other days you barely survive — and both days are OK. Sometimes there are days that are emotionally draining, and depending on your condition, some of you even experience health scares that leave you unsure if you have another day left on your life’s timeline. But here you are, reading this article. You’ve made it this far. You’ve survived, you’ve overcome more than you realize. You are amazing.

3. Remember to laugh. Life can be hard, physical difference or not, and laughter is crucial. For example: Half my face is purple, so I refuse to wear certain colors. When I shop with my friends, I often find myself telling them, “Um. No. That doesn’t match my face. A girl’s gotta color coordinate!” Find the humor and joy in life. Look for the positive in every situation. The world is a brighter place when you do. And remember — sometimes the smallest moments are the greatest ones.

4. It’s OK to wonder what life would have been like had you been born “normal.” Just because you ask doesn’t mean you lack confidence, and you don’t have to feel guilty for wondering. I have days when I wonder what I would look like without my birthmark and asymmetrical facial features. I even wonder how my personality would be different, had I not grown up with regular laser treatments, strangers’ awkward gawking and comments. It’s not healthy to obsess and dwell on these curiosities, but it is OK to wonder from time to time. The more speaking and writing I do, the more I come to realize that most people wonder, “What if I looked different?” After all, that’s how makeup and hair dye got invented; it’s what sells high heels and Spanx.

5. If you’re a girl, remember, you are beautiful and stunning. If you’re a guy? You are handsome with tons of swag. This summer I made a new, encouraging friend of the opposite sex. He heard a part of my story and kept emphasizing how beautiful I was, both internally and physically. I found myself blushing, awkwardly looking to the ground, unsure of how to respond. Beyond my grandfather, I don’t recall anyone from the male gender telling me I was beautiful — and for months I’ve tried to recall other men giving me the same compliment.

Having a guy tell me I was beautiful while standing face-to-face was one of the most internally painful social situations I’ve ever been in. It was, and still is, a foreign experience. Bluntly put, most comments I’ve received about my looks have been negative and hurtful. Growing up, I quickly learned to be on the defense when my appearance came up — especially around new people. I’ve always believed and told myself I was beautiful, but I realized through this experience that I never expected or anticipated a man unrelated to me to think the same thing. But they do, and they think the same about you. And they’re right. Don’t be afraid to let your guard down.

6. There are online support groups you can join. Only three people out of 1,000 people have the same condition I have (according to the Vascular Birthmarks Foundation), and even fewer have their birthmarks predominantly placed on their face. Until a few years ago, and in all my life, I had only seen a couple of people in-person with the exact same birthmark I have — and we never even said hello. Until I was about 21 and started blogging about my story, it never dawned on me that there were online groups I could join. After all, I didn’t have a “birthmark mentor” to tell me teach me these things.

Now, a few years later, I’m in several groups, and I work for the Vascular Birthmarks Foundation, which also provides a lot of insight and support. You may feel alone in your day-to-day life, but there are people all over the world who relate to and understand you. My family gets my situation to an extent, more than most people. They’re the most supportive family I could ever dream of, but they don’t live with my condition 24/7. When I finally connected with people who also had the same condition? Wowzers. These people get me completely. (At least, the birthmark part of me.)

7. Only you know what’s best for you, especially in regards to your health. Do your research, listen to opinions. But most of all — make sure you make your decision with your parents and doctors by your side, using their wisdom and knowledge to the fullest.

When I first announced on social media that I would be having laser treatments, people became angry — and they weren’t afraid to voice their thoughts. But here’s the thing… They didn’t know about my condition. They only knew I had a “purpl
e”birthmark, and that was the extent of their knowledge. They didn’t know the medical complications that could arise if I chose not to have the treatments again.

Sometimes, people who have the exact same condition are also strongly against the treatments. The treatments aren’t for everyone, and that’s OK. Each journey looks different for everyone. It’s OK to vary in opinions. The treatments aren’t what bind us together; it’s the journey and support.

8. Your condition doesn’t define you. Yes, it’s a part of you, but you are still you, no matter what people say. No matter what you look like. Be confident. You’re a rock star.

9. There are amazing people who will support and encourage you — people who will get to know you beyond what they see. Sometimes it can be discouraging when people stare or make rude comments. Thankfully, not everyone reacts in a cruel and hurtful way. I’ve always been able to make friends easily, but it did take me a while to find a good group of close friends who are always there for me. We’ve all been hurt by someone, but don’t ever be afraid to make new friends. For every unkind person, I believe there are at least twice as many beautiful, kind people.

10. You can change the world. You have just as much power as anyone else. Shoot for the stars, go for the impossible. Embrace your passions and dare to dream. You can do anything you put your mind to, and you have an endless amount of potential. You make the world a more beautiful place.

Love always,

The Travelin' Chick - and your mentor with a physical difference,

Crystal

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This article was originally featured on The Mighty.

Being Vulnerable (Why Writing a Book is Hard)

Amberly is also a speaker and writer.  In fact, she's one of my
favorite speakers!  Invite her to speak, and check out
her blog! She's pretty amazing and has a great sense
of humor!  

"I've been working on my book, but so far I still only have one chapter written...And I've noticed my best writing comes at night," I told my friend and mentor, Amberly.  Responding, she told me, "Some people say that we write best at night, because after a long day, that's when we let our guard down.  That's when we're most vulnerable."  

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I've been trying to write my book (a memoir) for a few months now, since about May.  In August, I celebrated the completion of one chapter.  (Give or take some later modifications as the book develops.)  But since then?  I've been stuck.  Writer's block and I have been hanging out daily, becoming instant best friends.

Here's the thing...I love how my first chapter has turned out.  But it was a process.  A vulnerable process.

Typically, being open, raw, and vulnerable has come easy to me when writing my blog.  Actually, I usually write when I feel the most emotionally raw.  I've never thought twice about being vulnerable with you, my readers.  But now I'm writing a book. While I do go deep on some of my blog entries, I feel like they're way more surface in comparison of the book I'm working on.  With my book...With the one chapter I've written...I've dived down deep, scuba diving into the depths of my story, exploring areas I didn't know were there.

In my book, I'm wanting to share both the highs and lows of my story with you - which is pretty much the equivalent of giving you a key to my house...A key that lets you into my life, allowing you to watch the joyous moments of celebration, as well as very personal, hard moments, that found the ugly cry as a companion.  In my book, you'll see moments with incredible encouragement and triumph, but also the moments where I just wanted hide under a rock, throw in the towel, and quit.

Once my first chapter was written, I found myself writing to my friend, "I have to say...Writing this chapter on this one subject, I learned a LOT about my own situation and a LOT about myself.  As I was writing it, I caught myself thinking a few times, 'This is not what I planned to write in this chapter - at all.  This is a bit more honest than I planned to be - with my readers, but more importantly, with myself!!'"

Being vulnerable...Yikes.  What a scary concept.

I'm sure I'm totally backwards...But I'm not afraid of being vulnerable with my readers, I'm afraid of being vulnerable with myself.  I'm afraid the potential discomfort I'll experience as I dive down deep, continuing to learn important lessons from my own story.

Something you may not know about me: I've not always had a healthy relationship with my emotions.  Actually, I use to be terrible with them. If there were a marathon where people run from their emotions, I would have won first place.  Hands. Down.  I've been known to burry emotions and struggles down deep, moving on before I should.

The older I get, the better I am at handling my emotions.  It's still not perfect, but the relationship with them is healthier.  (Writing has been a huge help in recent years.  In the last few years, I've also been blessed with some beautiful friendships with some amazing people, which is something that I once majorly lacked.)

And here's the thing...I'm afraid of being vulnerable with myself.  I'm afraid of the lessons I still need to learn, the lessons that I'll learn as I write my story in an in-depth level.  I'm afraid of what I may dig up...the possible emotions I've buried, the emotions I'll have to finally handle.  I'm afraid of being honest with myself.

Yet, in the midst of this...I know that sharing my story and encouraging others is something God has called me to do - no question.  No matter if I am published by a traditional publisher, or go down the self-publishing route, this is the calling I'm meant to follow.  This book is meant to be written.  Maybe it'll one day change and encourage the life of a future reader, maybe not.  But one thing I know for certain?  Readers or no readers - pen in hand, it'll change my life...my life as the author.

The lessons I have yet to learn may be scary, but I know they'll stretch and mold me into a better person.  I know they are lessons that need to be learned.

I have to stop running from my calling, I have to stop making up excuses.  I have to dare to be brave, and honest...I have to dare to be vulnerable.

How is God asking you to be brave?

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Periscope (@travelin_chick).

Anti-Bullying Project

Since posting my last blog entry about my experience at the Vascular Birthmarks Foundation (VBF) Conference that I attended earlier in the month, I now have some cool new to share with you!

I'm now the new Social Media Coordinator and Ask/Accept Anti Bullying Campaign Manager for VBF!!...And I'm really excited! 

Lady week we announced my new positions with VBF on Facebook, and Dr. Linda wrote: 

This is Dr. Linda, President and Founder of the Vascular Birthmarks Foundation (VBF). I am so thrilled to announce that Crystal Hodges will be joining VBF as our Social Media Coordinator and as the VBF Ask/Accept Anti-Bullying Campaign Manager.

Crystal currently lives in California and is earning her degree in American Sign Language (ASL). She has become an internet phenomenon with her campaign for acceptance for all people with differences, while sharing her story through speaking opportunities and through her blog. She is a social media whiz and we are so excited that she will be bringing VBF to the forefront of social media.

And hey - here's the thing...Right now we're working on a new Ask/Accept Anti-Bullying video project - and we would LOVE to hear from you!

Check out what we wrote on Facebook, and the video below.  Then, send us YOUR videos!

One of the goals of the Vascular Birthmarks Foundation’s Ask/Accept program is to raise awareness about vascular birthmarks and to combat the bullying and taunting happening to individuals with birthmarks. The phrase Ask/Accept is simple. Ask me about my birthmark (or my child/loved one) and Accept me (or my child/loved one). That being said, we need your help! We're putting together a video - and that's where you come in. We'd LOVE to see a 10-20 second video of you that includes you sharing your name, where you're from, the phrase "Ask/Accept” - and 1-2 additional sentences. Make the video about your own birthmark, or make one about your loved one's birthmark. We are hoping to receive clips from people of all ages from around the world! Check out the attached explanation and example, and send your videos to: crystal@birthmark.org by November 15, 2015.

I can't wait to see your videos!!

The Travelin' Chick and VBF Social Media Coordinator,

Crystal 

Click here and "like" me on Facebook.

What if I stare?

I’ve always known storytelling was important.  I’m constantly found telling stories, and I love to hear
them.  But until this weekend, I never realized how important story telling really is.  I never fully realized the impact that the written word can have on others.

In the last couple of years my blog has really taken an unexpected turn.  It started as a place to write random stories about whatever was happening in my life, especially while traveling.  Slowly, it instead became primarily about my facial difference, and the experiences that I have on a regular basis.  My travel blog turned into something I never saw coming.

I’m pretty sure I wrote about this once in another entry, so I’ll try to keep it short…But when I was 16, I went to a conference (The Revolve Tour) and heard Natalie Grant speak, sharing about her story and struggle with bulimia.  I left thinking, “That’s what I want to do!  I want to be a speaker.”  Yet, just as quickly, I thought, “…But I don’t have a story to tell.”  It wasn’t until about 2-3 years ago that I realized that my 6-year-old lie of, “I don’t have a story to tell” was completely wrong.  Apparently, I do have a story to tell…just by being born with half a purple face.

This weekend I went to Newport Beach and Irvine to attend the Vascular Birthmarks Conference.  I heard about this conference a couple of years ago, and since it was in my home state this year, I decided it was finally time to attend.

Truthfully, I was nervous.  Don’t get me wrong – I was also super excited to attend.  I’m constantly craving to learn about my ongoing condition, and craving to connect with people in similar situations.  But here’s the thing…It wasn’t until this July that I finally met someone who looked just like me.

This summer I met a wonderful Australian family, Ryan and Mandy Longeran, and their daughter Sophia.  Unlike my birthmark that covers half my face, Sophia is two and has a port-wine stain birthmark covering the majority of her whole face.

I was nervous about meeting them in-person.  I loved chatting with Mandy on Facebook on a constant basis, but was wondering if we’d have an equal connection when we finally met during their trip in the States.  But wowzers…We clicked instantly, as though we had known each other for years. Sophia is beautiful and has the most gorgeous blue eyes you’ve ever seen, and her parents were wonderful.  For the first time in my life, I met people who understood life with a facial port wine stain, as well as a condition called Sturge Weber Syndrome.  (They are my Aussie “soul family”.  Feel free to follow their story on their Facebook page – Ellen Meets Sophia!)

Meeting them was great!  Yet, I still found myself (once again) nervous, knowing this conference would be filled with people who looked just like me.  

“Why am I so nervous?” I found myself asking.  And then the answer hit me, “…What if I stare?”

People constantly stare at me, gawking at my difference.  (Oh, the stories I could tell you!)  Staring is annoying, it can be hurtful…So, what if I stared?

Yes, I have a port wine stain that covers half my face…But the people I interact with on a daily basis don’t.  I’m accustom to seeing my difference in the mirror, in my photos, on my face…but not on other people.

The idea that there are other people who do look like me was encouraging, but also mind-boggling…Almost a foreign concept.

…So, what if I stared?

I was afraid of staring, of coming across as rude.  But that wouldn’t be my intentions.  If I stared, I knew it would be because I would be in awe of a room full of people who were like me…People who get it…People who understand, people with similar stories – and only for the second time in my life.  An experience like that is a rarity, a blessing.

The conference was amazing.  I learned more than what I thought possible.  I even had the honor of meeting and having appointments with three teams of doctors who are at the top of their fields. (I met with specialists in regards to the Port Wine Stain and laser treatments, Sturge Weber Syndrome, and reconstructive surgeons.)  Questions were answered; new dreams of possibilities were created.  Hope was given.

One of my very favorite parts of the conference was connecting with people like you, my readers.  I had at least 5 families come up to me and ask, “Are you Crystal?  The blogger?”…And I loved that they introduced themselves to me.  I loved meeting them, and I loved hearing their stories.  (If I met you and seemed a bit out of it, sorry!  There was a LOT to take in.  I was a bit overwhelmed.  I promise I’m not usually so socially awkward!  Ha!)

The last reader to come up to talk with me was a mom.  Her child was recently born with a port wine stain birthmark.  With tears in her eyes, she thanked me.  She thanked me for writing my blog entries; she thanked me for creating and sharing my video.  She told me that my video was a good bridge in introducing her daughter to her friends, and for explaining her condition.  (And wowzers…I almost cried with her.)

My goal has always been to encourage others, but I had no idea how much of an impact my former travel blog had become.   I had no idea that my blog and video had become such a lifeline for many parents who found themselves in a new and unexpected journey.

If I met you at the conference this weekend, please know you have encouraged me – and more than you’ll ever know.  Some of you may have noticed I’ve been MIA for the last couple of months.  Needles to say, I’ve had a bit of a writer’s block problem lately, but you’ve rekindled that fire to continue as a storyteller.  And, may I add, you are incredible parents.  You are going to conferences to learn as much as you can, connecting with people in similar situations early.  It took me nearly 24 years to have a chance to meet anyone like me (we had limited resources when I was a child – thank goodness for the Vascular Birthmarks Foundation and social media!)…But you’re allowing your beautiful young children to have those experiences now, before they’re 24-years-old – and that is powerful.  Together, you are creating world changers.

If you or your child has a vascular birthmark of any kind, I highly recommend that you attend the next Vascular Birthmarks Conference.  There’s a lot packed in such a short amount of time, but it’s well worth it and you won’t regret attending.

The conference alternates every year between California and New York.  (This year it was California, next year it will be in New York.)  You’ll get a chance to meet and have appointments with top doctors from their fields, have questions answered, and you’ll meet new friends.  I thought I knew a lot, but this conference showed me how much I still have to learn.

In addition to the seminars and appointments with doctors, they also offer makeovers for those interested.  Daycare is provided, and this year, the first 50 families to register (from out of town) received a free hotel room for the night before the conference.  You can even get the conference fee waved, and receive breakfast and lunch.

Oh, and it turns out, this conference is a safe place to do some occasional staring.  Apparently, everyone there is in awe of people who look just like them too.

The Travelin’ Chick,
Crystal

PS: My mom will be writing a guest entry for my blog soon, sharing about her experience as a mom attending the conference.

Click here and follow me on Facebook.

Why I'm not 'Too Ugly for Love' or 'Undateable'

For many, it's a dream come true to hear from a casting agency inquiring if you're interested in a role on their TV show.  I guess it's a dream for me, too.  There are certain talk shows that I would LOVE to hear from and be a guest on.  It's on my God-sized dream board to appear on The Ellen Show and to participate on What Would You Do.

A couple of months ago, I did receive an inquiry from a casting agency for a reality TV show...but it wasn't a quite a dream come true.

To sum it up: A man in the UK saw my YouTube video and emailed me.  He asked if I was still living in the UK as he was looking to feature people on a reality TV show...People with "significant medical conditions" who were "looking for love".

When I inquired about the specific name of the show he was casting for, he avoided my question.  So, I went to Google and did my own research.

The casting agency that reached out to me works for two shows with the description he gave me:  Too Ugly for Love? and The Undateables.

I know a few people in the UK who enjoy the shows; however, a majority of the people from the UK that I've connected with are strongly opposed to them.  Having limited access to the shows,  I only want to focus on the titles...and I'll be honest -  I'm not fond of them.  Maybe the show helps educate others about different conditions by raising awareness.  But I still don't like the titles. There's a lot I could say about the titles of the shows, but that's not why I'm writing this blog entry.

Here's the thing - I'd rather focus on the positive.  I'd rather tell you why my facial birthmark doesn't make me too ugly for love, or undateable.

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So here's my list: 10 Reasons my Birthmark doesn't make Me 'Too Ugly for Love' or 'Undateable'

Big Ben

1. I have a unique perspective on life.  This comes from both my unique appearance and my experiences in life.  I know there is more than one way to look at a situation.  From firsthand experience, I know we shouldn't judge a book by it's cover - or a person by how they look.

Live, Love, Laugh - and take selfies with Flounder.

2. I know how to laugh.  I have a sense of humor.  I have to laugh, whether it be at myself or at a situation.  I know I can't take everything too seriously.  When someone asks if I painted my face with face paint, or a child asks if I got my birthmark from "eating a hamburger",  I laugh.  Laughing is such an important part of my life and I try to have a good laugh at least once a day.  Life would be too hard and complicated without those moments of laughter.  Sometimes (depending on what's happening in life) you have to search for those moments, but they're well worth it - and I can't wait to laugh with a significant other.

3. I'd add a bit of color to a man's life. (See what I did there?)  Not only will the purple hue on my face add in some color, but my life is never boring.  There is always a story to tell.

4. My family is amazing.  They've never treated me different because of my facial difference.  They still pushed me to do my best, they still tell me that I can do anything I put my mind to.  They encourage me to reach for the stars.  They've encouraged me to be proud of who I am, as I am.  When I laugh, they laugh.  When I cry, they cry.  They love me and they support me, no matter where I am in the world.

5. I (typically) have a lot of patience.  I get asked a lot of questions and I get stared at often.  It usually takes a lot to push me over the edge.  Sometimes I have to explain my birthmark and condition 20 times a day, sometimes I don't have to explain it a single time...Either way, I don't mind.

6. Life isn't always easy, and I get that.  I'm basically a pro at knowing how to persevere.  (Well, kind of.)  Life is hard.  It's not easy...But I never quit.  I never give up.  I may get knocked down on occasion, but I always get back up.  When the wind gets knocked out of me, I learn to breath again. The staring and the comments?  The medical procedures?  My image going viral?  All these things have had a part in teaching me to persevere with joy.  Life is a journey and we can all learn from both the good and bad times...and although it may take a lot of creativity and juicing practice, there's always a way to make lemonade out of lemons.

In March 2011 Japan experienced a tsunami.
That July I went to Japan to help with disaster relief efforts.

7. My heart is compassionate.  This kind of goes hand-in-hand with having a unique perspective in life.  I know what it's like to struggle, to go through a hardship - both because of my birthmark and general life experiences.  When I see others struggling, my heart breaks.  I'm still working on this skill set and I'm far from being perfect at it, but I always strive to find ways to encourage those around me.

8. I am one of a kind.  Birthmark or not, there is only one me.  I'm a California native, but traveler at heart.  I strive for the adventure of a local – seeing what they see, smelling what they smell, and tasting what they taste.  I’ve travelled to 11 different countries (living in two international lands) and am constantly receiving a new stamp in my new, yet beat-up, passport.  Baking is an addiction, but one I use to hopefully bring joy to someone’s day.  (Truffles are my specialty!)  I’m an author, speaker, and photographer.  I’m also bilingual, as I have been studying the visual language of American Sign Language.  (Although, I am trilingual if include sarcasm.  Like I mentioned above, humor is also a constant enjoyment in my life.)  Dreams are what I strive for  - and I don’t dream small.  I dream God-sized dreams, knowing that nothing is impossible and have a bucket list that is never ending.  I've even been pooped on by a dolphin.  No one else is 100% like me.  I'm the only Crystal Hodges in this world that fits my story.  I'm special, I'm unique.

9. When I date or marry - my boyfriend/husband won't be taken for granted.  I get that my birthmark isn't up every guy's alley, and that's okay.  Especially when it includes laser treatments every two months, rude comments, and constant stares.  When I was an infant and young child, my parents were constantly asked if they burned me, their child.  I know that other people close to me are affected by people's harsh comments and gawking.  Whoever I date/marry will probably have similar experiences themselves.  Whoever I marry (if I marry) - I know he's been worth the wait.

10. I'm confident.  I know who I am.  My birthmark doesn't define me.  I can wear makeup, or I can go without it.  I'm more than my physical shell.  I'm proud to be me - birthmark and all.  My journey has been a unique one, that's for sure, but I'm proud of who I have become.  I know I'm not perfect, I know I make mistakes...But I know I'm dateable.  I know I'm beautiful, both inside and out. Although I hope to continue to grow and become a better person, I wouldn't change who I am.  My life has been an adventure, and I know my journey has a lot of amazing things on the way.  

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I know that not everyone with a facial birthmark or facial difference will relate to my list.  Not everyone has such an awesome family, not everyone feels confident.  But this is my personal list.  This is how I've been molded throughout my experiences and my life.

After reading this blog entry, and if you're struggling (whether you have a facial difference or not), I hope you are encouraged to make you're own positive list as to why you're beautiful and/or dateable...because you are.  You are one of a kind.  You are a valuable.  You are a unique and beautiful person that is worthy of being loved.  You are especially valuable and worthy enough to love yourself.

Although the titles of the TV shows stung my heart momentarily, it is kind of cool to say that I was contacted by an agency to see if I would be interested in appearing on a TV series.  But more than that?  It shows me that if I can get the attention of an agency in the UK, maybe the talk shows in the USA will one day have the same interest...This experience reminded me that anything is possible.  I was encouraged to continue dreaming big dreams.

I was reminded that even though I am single, I am dateable.  I am beautifully and wonderfully made.

The Beautiful Travelin' Chick,
Crystal