Process of Healing

Today I went to a baby shower.  The baby shower was for a childhood friend and his wife.  They're having a little girl - and I am excited for their upcoming arrival.

This, however, is the first baby shower I have been to in a long time...And the first since my niece's death.

Many of you who have followed my blog consistently in the last couple of
years have probably noticed that I haven't really blogged about this topic in a while.  It has been over a year since I've brought it up.

Although I haven't written about this chapter of my life story in recent months, it is still a deeply tender area for my heart.  My heart still aches for the loss my family has experienced.  There still hasn't been a day where I haven't thought of my niece, Ashley.  In fact, it took me over a year and a half to visit her grave since the day of her burial.  Even then, I wasn't really sure if I was ready to visit...especially since my first time returning was with family at near Christmas time - and a visit to decorate her grave with jolly, colorful Christmas decorations in a place that holds one of my darkest and most painful memories.  No one wants to visit their niece at Christmas time at their grave.  Holiday decorating is suppose to take place in a warm home, scented with delicious traditions baking in an oven...not at a cold, scentless, gravesite. (And although I have been back once, I'm not sure if I can handle a second visit anytime soon.  I still struggle just by driving down a street, outside the cemetery borders, where she is buried.)

The ache isn't as fresh as it once was, as time has passed, and I have been healing.  But although I've been healing and continue to do so - I'm not sure if the ache will ever go completely away.  I guess only time will tell.

Maybe the death of my niece has slipped your mind - and that's okay.  Unless you're a close good friend of mine, or family, I don't expect you to remember every big life changing moment I have experienced.  With email, texting, Facebook, Twitter - it can be overwhelming to remember who has done what, who lives where, and who has experienced this or that.

For those of you who may be new to my blog - you can read the story of my niece's passing if you click here.    (Just as a warning: I've been told by a few people that it's best to have a tissue box nearby if you choose to click on the link.)

I wasn't really sure how I would emotionally react to attending the first baby shower since the death - especially when it's been nearly two years.

The first portion of the shower was spent with games.  I was fine with that and had a good time.  Then, the beautiful mother-to-be started to open the gifts that would bless her and her upcoming family of three...And that's when it happened.

My mind went to my sister and to Ashley.  My mind went to the pain of, "We never got to experience the joy of throwing them a baby shower."

Then, I remembered the gifts that I bought for Ashley.  Once we found out she was a girl, I started to slowly buy things in excitement of my niece's arrival.  I bought a couple of outfits, a child's Jamba Juice cup, a soft rattle, a rubber ducky, and other items a child could enjoy - or look adorable wearing.

Those items now sit in my hope chest in our guest/craft room...Locked away in a small space, still in the logo-marked bags from the stores they came from, as the receipt's ink fading away as time moves forward.

There are only two items that I no longer have - the rattle and a bib that said, "My heart belongs to my aunt."  My sister and brother-in-law asked me to add the rattle to the casket, and I was honored that they asked.  The bib?  That was my choice of item to leave with her.

Like I mentioned, I still have the receipts for the items I bought.  Although there was no longer a need for the items after her premature passing, I never could return the items.  Two years later - I still don't think I'd be able to make the returns.

My mom and I didn't stay long once the gifts were being opened.  Noticing a look in my mom's eyes and my urge to leave, I knew it was time to silently signal my mom, asking if she was ready to leave...Even though I knew I didn't need to ask.

Again, we're happy that the young couple will soon be having special memories of their own with their baby girl.  Naturally, it's an exciting time for their life!!...And it should be!  I'm glad that we were able to join the shower, even if we had to cut our time there short.  However, the death of my niece, my mom's first grandchild, is still hard for us in certain situations.  We want to celebrate with our and with others when a baby enters our world - but with moderations that our hearts can handle.  (Overtime I am sure we'll be able to handle things better and with more ease...One day at a time, one baby shower at a time.)

For each family member, I know that different things will trigger our emotions differently and at different times.  There will be many times when we'll think, "We never got to..." Or moments of thinking, "Ashley would have been ______ by now."

My mom's moments (as Ashley's grandma) will be different than my moments (as an aunt), and as Ashley's mom, my sister's moments will definitely be different, more intense, and more frequent.  Certain things will trigger emotions in all of us, and our emotions will vary in type and level, as will our trains of thought.  Some events will bring up the ache, while others go unfazed.  For example, sometimes people slip up and call my little cousin, Rayna, my niece.  Or they'll call me her aunt.  As many times as this has happened, I still can't figure out a way to avoid the heart-breaking pain that comes with innocent mistake.  While I am more like an aunt figure to the sweet 2-year-old little girl than a cousin figure, I have a hard time hearing people call me by this title or her under the title as my niece.  For my sister?  I think she likes it when she's called "Aunt Amanda" and doesn't mind if people mix Rayna up as her niece - and that's okay if she does.

Two years later, and I am still amazed to learn that mourning and healing is an ongoing process.

For those of you with grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or children - hug them tight and cherish every moment and memory.  You are blessed to have them in your life as you watch them learn and grow.

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

Birthmarks and Laser Treatments

Before going through a
treatment.  However, I'm wearing
make-up in this photo, so my
birthmark is lightened a good
 amount by make-up alone.

During spring break, I had a laser treatment on my birthmark.  Sparking conversations, many people have ask me questions such as, "What does the laser treatment do?  What does it feel like?  What is the purpose?"  Let me begin answering these questions with some quick background information.

First off, the type of birthmark that I have is called a "port wine stain".  There isn't really any rhyme or reason as to why I have it.  There's no genetic links, and it has nothing to do with my mother's pregnancy.  The only cause of my birthmark is, "just because it can exist, it does".  Due to an excess of blood vessels in my facial area, the blood vessels causes my skin tone to look a purplish type of color.  That being said, my birthmark goes much deeper than my skin.

If you were to look in my mouth, at my gums, in my ears, and in my nose, you can easily tell a color difference and where the birthmark starts and ends.  (Not that I go around looking up my nose or asking people, "Hey!!  You want to see the inside of my nose!??!?"...I am pretty sure that is socially unacceptable, and 100% socially awkward.  This is just an observation that doctors have made.)   The older I get, the darker it can get, and the texture of my skin is also at risk of changing (due to thickening of the blood vessels).  I also have to avoid getting too much sun without protection of sun screen, as that can damage the birthmark as well.  (Although, fun fact: I will add - when I get really, really cold...My mother and close friends can always tell.  My birthmark gets really dark, changing like a mood ring.  However, this change in color is only temporary.)

My birthmark goes all the way to my brain.  Occasionally I have to have MRIs done of my brain to make sure that none of the blood vessels have strayed into a more dangerous location.  When I was born, the doctor's had to watch me closely for my first 24 hours to make sure that the birthmark didn't cause any seizures.  If I didn't have any seizures in the first 24 hours, I would be okay.  I'm thankful that I didn't - as I am sure that would have greatly affected the way my life would play out.

Not only does my birthmark go brain deep, but it also affects my bone structure and density.  Even my teeth are affected by this.  It also adds to the lack of symmetry in my face - even more than the average person that doesn't have a birthmark.   The extra vessels make features expand a little more.  My lip is a perfect example of this, as the left upper lip is a little larger than the right upper lip.

Also, because it is more than skin deep, I also have had to deal with a disease called glaucoma in my left eye.  Glaucoma is an 80-year-old lady (or man) disease that I've had since I was about 8-years-old.  Due to all the blood pressure in my eye from all the blood vessels, I have to use eye drops twice a day, and see a doctor two times a year, just to make sure I don't go blind.  There is a surgery that can relieve glaucoma patients - but I don't know much about it.  Due to my type of glaucoma and the reasons that I have it, if the doctor makes one little wrong move - I would go instantly blind in my eye.  We've decided it's not worth the risk and have not asked for further information.

Pretty much, my birthmark is more than just something that alters the skin tone on my face.  Due to the color alteration, I sometimes have laser treatments. 

The numbing cream.  I have to
wear this for an hour before
the treatment.  It also has to
be applied on super thick.  It was
like icing a cake. ;-)

Okay...What is a laser treatment, and what does it do?  What is the goal?

The overall goal of the laser treatments is to lighten my birthmark. It's recommended that I have them every two months for the treatments to work at their best.  When I have the treatments, heat is sent from the laser, basically heating up the blood vessels.  When they get hot, they shrink - or burst.   When they shrink, the color lightens and other risk factors are lessened - such as the texture of my skin changing.

If I don't have the treatments, my birthmark will get darker as I age.  The blood vessels will get bigger, causing the darker color - and for my birthmark colored skin to become lumpy and a pebble-like texture.  By having the treatments, I am lessening my risks of it changing the color and texture - which is my main purpose of having the treatments.  (As really, I don't feel the need to hide.  Making it lighter is more than just about the color.)

After the treatment my face is extra purple for about a week - varying after each treatment.  It's swollen and painful, and I can't scratch or rub my face.  For the first few days I can't wear makeup either.  As long as the dark and purple color is around, I can feel heat radiating through my skin.  The lighter the purple gets, the less pain and heat that I feel.  Once the extra purple color disappears and my birthmark returns to normal color, my birthmark will lighten even more.

How do the treatments feel?  Afterwards it reminds me of a horrible sunburn.  Imagine your worst sunburn - and there you go.  That's the best way I can describe it.  During the treatment?  Well, the doctors like to describe it as a rubber band shooting the face.  I've decided that once they have a birthmark on their face and go through the treatments themselves, then they can describe how it feels.  The way I've decided I like to describe it is - it's like eating a spicy dish.

When you first start eating, your mouth is okay.  (In laser terms, the numbing cream I wear for an hour before does it's job to ease the pain to where the laser is barely felt.)  The more you eat, the more it stings - or feels like a rubber band. (Numbing cream starts wearing off the more laser pulses they send to my face.)  Eventually, it the food gets hot, and the spice intensifies.  (The pain gets even stronger - more than feeling like a rubber band.)  And occasionally, you hit a  jalapeño - or other spice/pepper - and your senses are sent through the roof with spice. (I would consider theses to be the really tender and sensitive areas on the face, such as the lip and nose.  I hardly let them treat these areas because of the intense pain.)

When I was a young child and toddler I use to have laser treatments on my face on a more regular basis.  To be honest, I'm not really sure how many I've had in my lifetime.  I would guess more than 25, more likely more than 30.

Since I was a child, they would let me sleep through the treatments by the use of anesthesia.  Once I hit the age of 11, that was advantage was taken away.  I was now "old enough" to stay awake during the treatment - only needing an hour of numbing cream before the procedure.

I went through one treatment awake at 11-years-old before I decided to stop.  Staying awake wasn't worth it to me.  The pain wasn't worth the outcome, as the laser machine they had wasn't making much of a difference.  The pain of the treatment was too overwhelming for me as well - so I decided to stop.  I decided that with the pain combined with an outcome that didn't show any differences - if I continued, I would be lettings stupid happen all over again.  My mom let me make my own decision about stopping, and I was glad.  I guess her theory is - it's my face, my body, the treatments aren't mandatory or needed, and I'm the one who has to go through it - not her.  I'm thankful for letting me choose for myself.

It wasn't until 2010 (at the age of 18) when I decided to try again and had a better outcome in comparison to when I was 11-years-old.  (Every three years, the hospital upgrades their machines as new medical advancements take place, so the machine was advanced at least 2-3 times since my last visit.)

My birthmark about an hour after
a treatment.  Please excuse the greasy
looking hair.  After the treatment,
Vaseline is applied to my face
to help prevent blistering and
other possible reactions from the treatment.
I promise I did shower that morning. :-)

In 2011, I planned to have another treatment and even blogged about it before I went, but we had to cancel at last minute.  Then, during spring break of 2012, I decided to attempt at the treatments again.  This time we were able to treat more than 80% of my birthmark, excluding my eye, nose, and lip area.  (Again, those areas are super sensitive for me.)  It took 200 laser pulses to get that much done.  It's been a few weeks since the treatment, and I've already noticed a difference.  I have another appointment for another treatment set up for May.

If you ever have questions about my birthmark or the treatments - please feel free to ask!  I am okay with people asking questions and they don't make me uncomfortable if they are asked in genuine curiousity and kindness.  In a way, I consider it a type of honor to be able to help others have a better understanding of this difference.  After all, you know my birthmark is there and I definitely know it's there...So why avoid talking about it if someone has a question or curiosity?   If you don't ask, it doesn't make my birthmark disappear.  It also doesn't make your questions go away either.  I would rather you know and have an understanding - so again, please ask if you want to know more!

Oh - and just because I am trying to lighten my birthmark - please don't think that I would change who I am today or that I am doing it due to any personal insecurities.  That's not the case.  Often I walk around with confidence in who I am, regardless of my birthmark. 

Just as any other female, I've had my ups and downs when it comes to my personal appearance.  However, that's normal for any female.  I just have a birthmark added to those ups and downs - but that's my normal.   Yes, I've wondered what it's like to have a 'normal' looking face.  But how many brunettes have wondered what it would be like to go blonde?  Rumor has it, it's just easier to dye your hair a different color than it is to change your skin tone.

Because of my birthmark, I've had to overcome a lot of different unique situations.  I've had to smile at the slightly rude person who has been awkwardly staring at me for five minutes.  I have also walked in stores or on a college campus, hearing comments and questions being spoken about me - but not to me.  (In a sense, sometimes it feels like I, as a person, am invisible in these situations - except for my half purple face...with people forgetting that I do have eyes that see them stare, I do have ears that hear them talk, and that I do have a brain that understands their reaction.)

I find it to be a joy to have the opportunities to share about physical differences that most people are not use to.  And sometimes, I even forget that I look different than most people…Until certain things are said or when people stare long enough.

My family and I have received comments such as, “How did you burn your baby??”  or  the most common question from adults - “What is wrong with your face?”  This is a prime example of how you shouldn't ask people questions if you're curious about something so personal.  This style doesn't come across as genuine, curious, or kind.  It comes across as mean, rude, nosey - and sometimes hurtful.  Nothing is wrong with my face.  Usually I try to be kind and ignore the tone of the question.  But, as I am human, and depending on my mood - sometimes I have to bite back sarcastic responses such as, "Nothing is wrong with my face.  What's wrong with your attitude and manners??"  (Sometimes I really need to work on my sarcastic internal and silent responses.)

People have even argued with me, telling it it’s not a birthmark, and that I have something like skin cancer or something contagious.  On the opposite end, I’ve had a woman in a clothing store tell me that she was jealous of me and that she wished she had a birthmark covering her face too.

While usually comments and stares don’t knock me down for long, I do have my weaker moments in liking my physical appearance - just like other people have.  Over the years I’ve had to overcome this obstacle when it arises, and even today it can sometimes be a daily practice.  For example: When an attractively handsome man stares at me.  Is he staring at me because he thinks I’m pretty, or is he victimizing me with his staring? 

Those feelings of insecurities don't usually stick around long, though.  As, again, there is a certain kind of joy that comes from being different from the world.  You see life differently and there are a lot of chances to teach others that’s okay to stand out a little.  It’s okay to look different!

I also know that my extra confidence comes from how I was raised by my parents.  When people would stare, like I mentioned above, my mom is the one who taught me to me to smile at them.  Maybe the staring person is having a bad day and needed a smile to lift their spirits.

My parents have also taught me to have a sense of humor.  Once I was asked by a man, “What’s wrong with your face?”  I told him, “It’s just a birthmark.”  He responded, “Oh – I thought you were beat by your husband or something!”  While my friends who were with me at the time got upset and offended over the comment, I just laughed.  For the first time in my life, I realized that I was old enough to be married if I wanted to be.  I didn’t feel offended or angry.  It was a moment of realization of the fact that I was old enough to marry!  I was an adult! 

Despite all the things I've had to over come in those areas, I also have unique stories that no one else has.  I've developed a sense of humor, learning to laugh at the awkward situations that I am faced with on a daily basis.  I have the blessing of having the ability to teach others that's okay not to fit in the mold that the world and society has given us.

It's a beautiful opportunity to be different.

The Travelin' Chick,

Crystal

PS: Sorry if any of what I've written today is a little repetitive of any posts in the past.  (Although, I've only posted about this topic twice, so hopefully there wasn't anything found to be repetitive!)

***Update September 19, 2013***
In May, the cause for port wine stains was found!  It's due to a rare gene mutation  - but is not the fault of the mother or genes of the father.  For more information, click here!

Concert for the Deaf

Nearly two weeks ago I went to a concert.  The music was loud and the concert was incredible!  So incredible, in fact, that I would go and see this person in concert any time that he comes to town.  The catch?  This wasn't a "normal" concert.  It wasn't a famous country or rock band, nor is this person famous.  The concert was 100% Christian and focused on Christ...And the performer is hard-of-hearing, and did his concert all in American Sign Language (ASL).

ASL is a new passion of mine.  I look forward to every ASL class I have and I hunger to learn more about deaf culture, the language, and the people who use ASL as their first language.  Maybe sometime I'll write a blog on "Why ASL?" to go in deeper detail about this newly found passion...But when I heard that there was going to be a Christian ASL concert, I knew I had to go!

You might be sitting there, thinking, "A concert in ASL??  How can you have a concert in ASL?"  At the end of this blog entry, I'll post a video of the man, Pastor Ronaldo Feliciano (who was the signer), so you can have a visual idea of what it was like.

The concert was beautiful and inspiring.  Like I mentioned above, the music was loud.  (Deaf people like it loud so they can feel the beat to the songs.)  As the music played, there was a projection on a screen behind him with the words to the song.  While the song played, he passionately signed to the music, worshiping God in his language of signs.  Watching him sign, you can tell how much love he has for God.  And although I didn't understand each sign, as I am still learning the language, the message of Christ was clear.

Going to this concert was a really great experience.  I left the concert with a deeper desire to become fluent in ASL.  Hearing the story and testimony of Pastor Ronaldo...Wow.  What an amazing testimony!  God has really given him the unique gift of singing with signs, and God is really using him.

Bellow is a video of one of the songs that he performed in concert.  The video really does not do the concert experience justice.  If you ever want to put on a deaf event in your community that focuses on God, I really recommend that you consider inviting Pastor Ronaldo to your church.  (His goal is to travel and share the Gospel through music and signing.)  You will be blessed!

Here is a video:

And, if you'd like to purchase DVDs of some of the songs he performs, you can Click Here.

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

What Would You Do?

When you click on the video, please excuse the language of the title of the clip...But at the same time, understand the reality of questions and statements people often get for looking different. This video is a reality of my life.

The other day I was sitting in my school cafeteria.  I was sitting at a table alone, but there was a lady sitting across from me at another table.  She was probably about mid-40's.  Every now and then I would glance up from my lunch and textbook and kept noticing she was staring at me.  This happens to me a lot, yet still can feel uncomfortable at times.  This was one of those awkward times.  (Usually I just stare back smiling, making the original starer feel more awkward than me.)

Whenever I glanced up, as she was staring at me she was also eating her lunch.  I guess at some point she got more interested in staring at my face than paying attention to her lunch, as at some point had a big blob of mayonnaise (or something) on her face...but she never seemed to notice.  Five minutes later, I glanced up at the staring lady and saw she still had the blob of food on her face.

The kind part of me thought, "I should tell her she has food on her face..."  The other sarcastic part wanted to go to her and say, "Oh my!!!!  What is that on your face?!?!!?!!?"  Luckily she wiped her face about 15 minutes later, so I didn't have to worry which comment would come out (whether it came out sarcastic or kind...) had I approached her about the slowly growing mass on her cheek.

This is one of many stories I could have to tell.  As you watch this video ask yourself, "What would I do?"  In addition, ask yourself, "If I see someone who looks 'different' in the store or college cafeteria, how would I handle the situation?"  From someone who does have a different facial feature, please know, it is okay to ask.  Just ask in kindness and genuine curiosity.  In my personal opinion, I would rather people ask me about it than be curious for the rest of their lives, staring, pointing, or asking their friends, "Did you see that girl with the purple face?  What do you think that was?"  (And I do hear these comments and see people staring.  Even if people think they're being sly about it, they are more obvious than they think.)  I'm always happy and honored to have the chance to help others learn something new.  :-)

To stare, or not to stare??...That is the question!

Sincerely,
The Travelin' Chick

PS: Please note that I wrote this from a humorous perspective and am not at all trying to sound rude.  After 21 years of birthmark life experiences, you have a lot of stories and fun with some situations.

Celebrating Life

Usually I'm not big on skipping class.  If you miss one class session, you may miss a whole lot of what you need to know.

However, at the same time - I'm big on celebrating life. (And probably even bigger on the idea after my year of "2011".) This weekend I am going to Disneyland!  Even though it's 4 months later, I am finally going to go to celebrate my 21st birthday!!  I am excited to go out of town to the "happiest place on earth".  I'll be going with my uncle, aunt, 2-year-old cousin, mom, and grandma.

The original plan was to leave tomorrow after two out of my three classes were done so we could go and spend the day at Disneyland on Friday.  However...My mind has been changed.  Instead, I am skipping classes.  The pull of Disneyland and having a good time with family won me over.

At least I'm doing well in my classes...Right?

Disneyland, here I come!

It's like having a birthday all over again. :-)

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

PS: Or how I put on Facebook:

"Tonight I am declaring my tomorrow (Thursday) and Friday an official personal holiday. On this holiday I not only permit, but encourage, myself to skip all classes taking place at college. School work is not allowed to be a part of my life until Monday. I must laugh and smile a lot while having tons of fun this weekend...Making memories in celebration of my 21st birthday - even 4 months after the big day. Maybe I'll even meet my "Prince Charming" while I'm away this weekend. (A girl can dream - right???) ;-)

Disneyland, here we come!!!!!!"

Memories from a Melody

There's a country song on the radio with lyrics that say, "Funny how a melody sounds like a memory".

Since arriving home from the U.K., I find this part of the song to be true.  There are songs I hear on the radio or on my own iPod that take me back to London.  (Although, even without music, there are days when I'm physically in California - but mentally back in London.)  There are songs that remind me of different people and different experiences.  The other night, a worship song we used in London a few times came on the radio.  Tears came to my eyes as I started to think about London and all that I was a part of, what God is doing, and when I started to think of my team and friends.

The other day I was really struggling with being back home.  I know I'm suppose to be home - there is no question about this.

As I was struggling, I decided to pull out my journal and write.  I've been a horrible writer these days by not writing much (as I'm sure as you can tell by how often I have been posting here).  I really want to write more, and hope to break this habit.  So, as I sat there, journal and pen in hand, I made a list.  Actually - I made two lists.

My first list was about "Things I Miss about London".  My second list was, "Things I don't miss about London".  I thought that this would help my mind sort out some of my experiences and how I am now feeling...To process things that had happened and are currently now going on as I adapt to live back at home.

The list of things I miss is WAY longer than the things I don't miss.  Here are a few of the things on that list...

1. Having an unending amount of ways and chances to step out of my comfort zone.
2. Learning a word or two in many different languages.
3. Hearing people's stories from around the world - and what God is doing in their life!
4. Teaching English to my flat-mates and others I worked with!
5. Korean food. ;-)
6. My flat-mates.
7. Leaving post-it notes for my desk buddy!
8. Flat game nights, especially when one of the married couples on our team would join us for dinner and the game time!
9. Sunday mornings with on of my flat-mates.  She and I had the whole morning with just the two of us, being able to chat and catch up on a more personal level.  (We rode the bus together as we went to the same British church.)
10. Swiss Chocolate
11. The tube.
12. The challenge of it all.  (It's a good kind of challenge.  A challenge of adapting, learning, and stepping out of your comfort zone.)
13. The church I worked with on Sunday evenings.
14. Big Ben at night time.
15. Team Devotions!
16. Inside Jokes.  (To bring up a few??  Knock-Knock Jokes, Peanut Butter Kit-Kats, Peanut butter, and mismatched socks.)
17. Making videos and taking photos for my teammates. 
18. British accents.
19. Prayer nights where we all got together to pray for countries around the world and for issues such as human trafficking. 
20. The work we were doing there.
21. The free museums.
22. Being involved with sharing people's experiences, stories, and what God was doing during my time there, with supporters and prayer partners!
23. London's variety of Haagen Das ice cream (best brand EVER).
24. The mannequin in our building that we would occasionally put in someone's room.
25. Learning of British Culture.
26. Old, gorgeous, British churches!
27. Learning British English - verbal and written forms.
28. All the laughter from living in an international community and having a good, tight-knit, group of friends.
29. Introducing international friends to Butterfingers and Corn Bread!  (Thanks the the many  care packages I got from home!)
30. The whole experience.

This is less than 1/5 of my list.  A list that could have gone on, and on, and on, and on...

I still think of London at least once a day. Then, there are days when I can't get the city, the work, and my friends out of my mind.  Again, I know I am meant to be home.  However, 6 months of my life was spent in this city with this team...With a team that became very dear to my heart.  I came home changed because of the whole experience.

Although I miss London and my friends, and everything taking place there, I remind myself on a daily bases, "Crystal - you are so blessed.  You are so blessed to have a group of friends and an experience that you miss so much...to have people and memories so dear to your heart!!  Not everyone is so lucky to have the chance to miss so many people and memories to reminisce about."

If you want to keep me in your prayers still, please do!  You can pray for me as I sometimes feel like I'm still readapting and find ways in which I've changed.  You can pray for me as am back in school, hoping to finish college in the next 2-3 years.  Pray for me as I discover God's future plans for my life.  (Which I've recently started to have a little understanding of, but do not want to post publicly, as things can always change.  After all, I still have to finish college in the next few years - and anything can happen between now and receiving my diploma.)

Also, pray for London.  Although I have returned home, I am still in prayer for this city- and I hope you are too.  Pray for the continued work in the city...pray God will use Christians in London to love their neighbours around them, and as they share God's love and Message!

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

What's Next??

I've been home a little over a month now.  I took time to heal from whatever mystery illness I had overseas (from my hospitalization in Norway) and from jet lag.  I gained my energy and strength back and went to youth camp with our church's teen girls as their counselor. (Which is always a highlight of my year!) Right after camp, I did a presentation on my time in London at my home church.

Since returning home I have been asked many times, "So, what is next?  What is after London?"  Well, here is an overview...

Before leaving for London I was still attending college.  I knew when I returned home, I would also have to return to college.  Today I started back in my classes.  I got lucky in the fact that I don't have any classes at all on Mondays or Fridays, and only one night class on Wednesdays.  Tuesdays and Thursdays are pretty much filled with three classes.

The different thing about this semester is...I am excited.  I am excited to go to classes again, to hopefully meet new friends, and just to be back in school.  The last time I was excited about college was around the fall and spring semesters of 2009/2010.  (And this has to do with many different reasons...going to a new school after attending a Christian college, family emergencies and struggles, etc...)

It really does feel good to be back in classes.  A month filled with "nothing to do" is a bit much for me - especially after 6 months of going, going, going!  I think I've been missing interaction with peers, having some kind of challenge in my life, learning, being more productive, etc.

Being in London also gave me a taste of what life can be like once I am done with college.  It gave me the motivation to finish what I started and more of a desire to get my degree.  While going to college is normal, college isn't really "normal" life - unless you are a career student...and I'm ready to be done with this phase in my life.  (Not that I want to wish my life away...That's not what I mean at all.  I've been in college for a few years and am ready to move onto other adventures for God that can be longer term vs short-term, like my time in London.)

On top of college, I also am planning to speak to churches about London and the ministry they helped support.

Some of you may also remember that I had to have ankle surgery before going to London.  Some of you may know, but some of you may not...But I need to have another ankle surgery.  I'm pretty much a candidate of an ankle replacement, but for many reasons, I am avoiding that option at all costs.  Tomorrow I will be having a phone appointment with my doctor to discuss options that I have that will give me the best outcomes...and I am hoping to do this within the next couple of months.  (This may only require one surgery, but it also may require more.)  Funny thing is...I'm also excited about this too.  I suppose most people dread surgeries, but I'm just ready to have a better functioning ankle that I can rely on.  It's been an ongoing issue for a few years and I am ready for it to be dealt with.

As a summary, my main things that are next are:

1. Finish college!
2. Ankle Surgery...
3. Speaking at churches about London...
4. I didn't mention it above - but my parents put their house on the market!  Hopefully it'll sell soon and we can move!

There are a few other things I'm also praying about and strongly considering for my future.  I'm not really sure where God is guiding me, but that's all part of the adventure of life!  Most of what I am praying about would more likely take place once I finish college (or possibly during a summer for one of the things I'm praying about)...We'll see where God leads!

So...What are YOU up to these days??

The Travelin' Chick,
Crystal

PS: Did I mention that I am also going to Disneyland to celebrate my 21st birthday?? :-D